Innocence
by Butterfly Betty
Summary: When you find yourself needing who you know you shouldn't want, do you turn away from him or embrace him? Now being continued. AH & MA.
1. Chapter 1

My father thought I was innocent. In his eyes I was still the little girl who called him daddy and hung on his every word. He still saw me as the little girl who wore denim overalls with my hair pulled up in pigtails. He still saw me as the five year old girl who climbed on his lap and whispered through my missing front teeth that I loved him. He was a fool if he thought I was still that little girl.

I grew up. My body started changing and with it, so did my personality. I still loved my father but I knew enough to know that his words weren't the law anymore and sometimes, he just made shit up. My body grew leaner, curvier. More voluptuous, even. I had turned into a woman. A woman who found herself in the middle a forbidden affair.

I'm not really sure when it started. Sometime around my eighteenth birthday, I guess. I was spending the weekend over at my best friend's house because my father was out of town on business. It was late, already past midnight, and I couldn't sleep. I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water when I saw him sitting at the small breakfast table. I was startled at first but he smiled and I relaxed.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he said, smiling.

"You didn't," I muttered. I went over and filled a glass with water.

"Trouble sleeping?" he asked, moving over and standing next to me. Right next to me.

"Not very tired, I guess," I said, quietly. He nodded his head as he turned and looked at me.

"Tell me, do you have a boyfriend?" he asked. I quickly shook my head no. "Why not?"

"Nobody's asked me, I guess," I muttered, feeling my blush creep up onto my cheeks. He laughed quietly as he leaned in so close that his lips were right outside my ear.

"Good," he whispered. "They don't deserve you, Beautiful."

I gasped as his lips brushed across my cheek and he strode out of the room. I set my glass in the sink and went back upstairs, climbing into my bed in the guest room. I tried to sleep but all I could think of was the way his breath felt on my skin, his lips grazing over my cheek and I felt myself get wet just thinking about him.

By the next morning, I was exhausted and incredibly horny. I stumbled downstairs to the kitchen and found everyone sitting around the table, eating breakfast. I looked right at him but he didn't look at me. He sat there reading the paper, like nothing had happened last night. I settled down at the table and tried to eat but I wasn't very hungry.

For the next month, I tried not to think about that night in the kitchen. I went to school and focused on my grades. I went out with my friends and I even went out on a few dates. On the outside, I was still the same person I had been four weeks prior but on the inside, I was a woman who craved his touch. During the night, I would wake up from dreams of him touching me, caressing me. I would imagine that they were his fingers creeping into my white cotton panties instead of my own. I was going crazy.

Then my father told me that I was spending another weekend with my friend's family because he was going out of town again. Part of me was scared and wanted to tell him no, that I could stay home alone. The other part of me was thrilled, excited even. That part won the internal battle I was having with myself and I told my father I would go. I went upstairs, packed my bag, and let him drive me over there.

For most of the first day, everything seemed to be normal. My friend and I spent the afternoon painting our toenails and gossiping about boys. We sat at the dinner table and told her parents and brothers about the art project that we were doing for school. We stayed up late in the night, talking about the new boy in class that she was crushing on. She finally got tired and went to her room and fell asleep. I crept out of the guest room and down the stairs as quietly as I could.

I walked into the kitchen, hoping to find him there but I was disappointed when I found the kitchen empty. I headed back to the stairs to go back to bed but froze when I saw him leaning against the railing. He had small smile on his face and a sparkle in his eye. He gave me the once over and I cursed myself for wearing my ratty pajamas.

"Can't sleep again?" he asked. I shook my head, unable to find my voice. "Hmm, maybe you should see a doctor."

"Maybe," I whispered. He laughed as he pushed off the banister and moved so that he was standing behind me. I felt the warmth of his breath as he leaned in to me.

"Something bothering you, Beautiful?" he asked.

"No," I whimpered. He moved his hands to my hips, pulling against his body. I could feel all of him and I do mean all of him. "Oh my…"

"Tell me, Beautiful," he whispered, pressing his lips against my ear again. My knees felt like they were going to buckle at any moment. "All those boys you've been going out with, do they make you wet?"

"No," I gasped.

"Good," he whispered, pulling my earlobe into his mouth. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and my panties dampened. "I don't want you going out with any of them anymore. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," I breathed.

"Yes, what?" he asked, grinding himself against me again.

"Yes, sir," I cried.

"Good girl." I felt his lips curve into a smile. "Wear more skirts."

With that he let go of my hips and walked back upstairs, leaving me standing there. I wasn't sure what the hell had just happened but I knew that I liked it. That I wanted more. I wrapped my arms around my body as I, once again, shuffled my way back upstairs to the guest room and climbed into my bed, and thought about the way his hands felt on my body.

The next morning went just as the one did a month before. I sat in the kitchen and tried to eat the food in front of me while he sat across the table from me, ignoring me or the fact that he had left me aching with need last night. For the rest of the weekend, he ignored me. When my father came and picked me up, he smiled and told my father that I was welcome to stay with them anytime.

I found myself back inside that house two weeks later. This time my father was there and we were celebrating the end of school and our graduation from high school. Everyone was out in the backyard, laughing and talking about future plans. I could hear my father proudly telling anyone who would listen about how his daughter had gotten into Yale.

I was standing in the kitchen, drinking a glass of water when the back door to the house opened. I didn't need to look back to know who it was. I could feel him standing behind me. Before I had a chance to look back, he was pressed against me. I started to speak but he stopped me by placing his lips against my ear.

"Don't speak," he murmured. "Don't make a sound."

I couldn't have spoken if I had tried. He slipped his hand down to my thigh and slowly ran it up my bare leg, dipping under the skirt I was wearing. The skirt I was wearing for him, because he had told me to wear it.

"I like you in skirts, beautiful," he whispered. "Makes it easy to touch you."

My head fell back onto his shoulder as I stifled the moan that desperately wanted to leave my lips but he had told me not to make a sound. His fingers trailed along the edge of my white cotton panties, inching closer and closer to where I wanted him the most. I clamped my lips together as tightly as I could when his finger slipped inside of the flimsy elastic and brushed against my wet folds.

"Someone is excited," he murmured, nipping at my neck. "Am I making you this wet, Beautiful?"

I so badly wanted to answer him but he told me not to speak and I was afraid that he would stop if I said anything. So instead, I just stood there, panting with want and need. Silently begging him to do naughty things to me. He sighed and pulled his fingers from my panties and let my skirt drop as he stepped away from me. I spun around and looked at him as he walked out of the house, shutting the backdoor behind him. What the fuck had just happened? One minute he had his finger inside my panties, rubbing on me, and the next, he's gone.

I walked outside and saw him standing next my father at the grill. They were laughing about something. He looked right at me, brought his finger into his mouth, and smiled before turning his attention back to my father. That fucking bastard knew exactly what he was doing to me and, not only that, but he was enjoying every damn minute of it. God help me, so was I.

As the afternoon wore on, I tried to stay as far away from him as I could but I could feel him watching me. Always watching me. I tried to act normal. I laughed when someone made a joke, even when they weren't funny. I smiled and I may have even flirted a little, but my heart wasn't in it. My heart was trapped with him and I wasn't sure I wanted it back.

Just after three in the afternoon, father left after being called in to work. He told me he would likely be out all night and I should just spend the night there. I wanted to protest but I looked over at him. He was standing by the grill, watching me with a smile playing on his lips. I took a deep breath as I looked away. I agreed and my father left. God help me for wanting him so badly. I was certainly going straight to hell.

That night, I told myself not to go down there. I knew he would be there, waiting for me. After a few hours of laying there, rubbing my legs together and wishing he was touching me, I climbed out of my bed, straightened the white cotton nightgown I had borrowed, and left my room. The house was eerily quiet as I padded down the stairs, across the living room, and into the kitchen.

Just as I knew he would, he was sitting at the breakfast table. He had his legs crossed at the ankles and his hands resting on his stomach. Etched on his face was the biggest smirk I had ever seen. I wanted to scream at him to stop smirking like the smug bastard he was but I couldn't. Instead, I stood there and waited for him to tell me what to do.

"Come here," he said.

My legs started moving on their own and before I knew it, I was standing in front of him. I just stood there, unsure if I was supposed to say anything or not. He stood up and brought his hand up to my face, caressing my cheek. I automatically leaned into his hand, inwardly cursing myself for being so weak around him.

"Turn around," he murmured.

I did as he said and turned so that my back was facing him. He brought one arm up around my waist, pulling me back into him, while his other hand was traveling up my thigh again. His hand pulled the nightgown up and he slipped his hand into the front of my panties. I could feel his breath on my neck as he slipped his hand further down and cupped my wet sex. My head fell back onto his shoulder as I panted.

"You are still so wet, Beautiful." he murmured. He slipped his hand out of my panties and brought his fingers up to my lips. "Taste."

Before I even knew what I was doing, I snaked my tongue out and wrapped it around his finger. I could taste myself and it wasn't as disgusting as I thought it would be. He moaned quietly and pressed his hard cock into my backside. Inwardly, I was smirking at the effect I had on him but outwardly, I just stood there.

"Bend over," he hissed into my ear.

I automatically followed his command. He pushed me down even further until my upper body was laying flat down on the table. My breasts were mashed against the solid oak table and my ass was sticking out, waiting for him to touch me. He pushed my nightgown up over my hips and grabbed the sides of my little white panties.

Roughly, he pulled them down my legs, leaving them at my knees. I was nearly dripping with need as I felt his hand brushing over the curves of my ass. He nudged my legs even further apart and I has no choice but to spread myself open for him. His breath was ragged as he slipped his arm around me and pushed two fingers into my wet heat. I wanted to cry out, to beg him for more but I just laid there.

"Let me hear you," he murmured. He shifted his fingers in and out of me again. "Does this feel good, Beautiful?

"Yes," I whispered, not trusting my voice above a whisper.

I felt him shift behind me and a moment later his hand left my hip. There was a soft swoosh as his pajama pants dropped to the floor. He was still moving his fingers in and out of me as I felt him rub his hard cock over the curves of my ass. He didn't say anything he started jerking off against me, letting his cock rub against me.

The hand he was using on his cock was matching the pace of the fingers he had inside of me. I could already feel my orgasm starting to build as he let the palm of his hand rub against my swollen nub over and over again. He was panting, grunting as he worked his hand over his swollen cock.

"Oh fuck, Beautiful," he muttered. "Tell me you're close."

"So close," I murmured, nearly begging him to keep going.

He started slamming his fingers in and out of me, pulling me back into him with each thrust of his hand. I could feel his knuckles rubbing along the crevasse of my backside, faster with each pump of his hand. Just as my walls clenched down on his fingers, he moaned and released on my ass.

He slipped his fingers out of me, pulled up his pants, and walked out of the kitchen, leaving me bent over the breakfast table with his release sliding down my backside. I had never been more turned on or confused in my life. I quickly got myself cleaned up and took the time to scrub the table as thoroughly as I could before heading back upstairs to the guest room. What the hell had just happened?

The following morning, he acted like he had every other time that I had been there. He sat across the table from me, reading his damn newspaper while I sat there wishing, wanting, needing his attention and hating myself for it. Finally I had enough and I slammed my fork onto the table, causing everyone to look up at me. His eyes widen just slightly as I turned and stormed out of the kitchen and the house. I was the fucking fool.

I wrapped my arms around myself as I walked down the street, fighting off the tears of rejection and humiliation. Why did I let him do that to me? Why did I want him to do that to me? Why did I feel the need to let him do that to me? It was wrong on so many levels but I wanted him so much. Was I just as guilty as he was for all of this?

"Where the hell do you think you are going?" he hissed, climbing out of his car. I ignored him as I kept walking. He came over to me and grabbed my arm, stopping me before I could take another step. "Get in the fucking car."

"No," I muttered, harshly as a tear slipped down my face. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Get in the car," he said, again. This time his voice was much softer, kinder but I just stood there. He brought his hand up to my face. "Please, Beautiful, get in the car."

I pulled away from his hand and climbed into the car. For a moment he just stood there in the middle of the street, like he was fighting with himself. He ran his hands through his hair as he came over and climbed in behind the wheel. He shifted the car into drive but didn't head back to his house. Neither one of said anything as he drove us though town, past the city limit sign, and onto the highway. In fact, he didn't say anything as he drove us straight into Seattle and neither did I.

Honestly, I wasn't sure what to say to him. Sure, I felt this need to be with him, close to him but why did I feel like that? It wasn't rational to want him, to need him the way I did. And, God help me, I did want him. I needed him, yearned for him to take me, touch me, love me the way I loved him. I knew in that moment that I did love him and that only made it hurt that much more.

I looked out the window as he pulled up in front of a hotel. He didn't say anything as he cut the engine and climbed out of the car. I couldn't look at him. All I could do was stare out the window. A few minutes later, his door opened and he climbed back into the car. He pulled to the back of the hotel and parked the car outside the back entrance. He cut the engine but didn't climb out immediately.

"Will you come up with me?" he asked.

"I…" I trailed off, shaking my head. "Yes."

I wasn't sure why I agreed to go up to the room he had just gotten as I climbed out of the car. All I was doing was asking for more heartache, more hurt, but I couldn't have said no, even if I wanted to. He already had me and there was nothing I could do about it. I followed him inside and over to the elevator.

As the doors closed, I leaned against the wall behind me. He was standing on the opposite side of me, like he was afraid to come any closer to me. We just stared at each other as the elevator lifted us up. His Icy blue eyes were burning into me and it was taking every bit of my control not to look away. The doors opened and I took a shaky breath as I stepped out. He led me down the hallway. He inserted the keycard into the reader and pushed the door open.

I stepped into the room, feeling like I this was the moment that was going break me. Maybe it was. The door shut behind me and I turned back and looked at him. He was leaning against the door like he wasn't sure what to do now that he had me here. Maybe he didn't. I turned away from him and moved over and sat on the edge of the large, king-sized bed. My heart felt like it was going to break out of my chest.

"I…" he started but trailed off. I looked up at him. He was staring at me. "This is so fucking wrong. I'm not supposed to want you."

"I know," I muttered, looking at the floor.

"But I fucking want you so bad," he groaned, sliding to the floor. I looked back over at him. He was leaning against the door with his hands in his hair. "You flaunt yourself in front of me and it takes every bit of my control not to take you."

"You can have me," I whispered. He snapped his eyes to me.

"No, I can't," he snapped. "You're a child."

"I'm eighteen," I argued.

"Still a child," he countered. I shook my head and looked away. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to…"

"You just…" I trailed off as my eyes filled up with tears.

"I what?" he asked, crawling on the floor to me. He turned my face to look down at him. "Talk to me, Beautiful."

"You tease me," I murmured. "You touch me and leave me wanting more. You can't do that. It's not fair."

"Don't you think I want to give you more?" he asked, pleading with me. I shook my head. He grabbed my hand and pulled it down to his crotch, right over the hard bulge that was filling his pants. "You make me hard like this, only you."

"Not just me," I whispered, shaking my head.

"Only you," he repeated, letting my hand go. I knew I should move it off his cock but I couldn't stop touching him. I started stroking him through his slacks. "That feels so good."

I took a deep breath as I released him and moved my hand to his belt. His breath caught as I undid it and moved to the button. I slowly lowered the zipper and dipped my hand inside. His head fell forward onto my shoulder as I stroked him through his boxers. He was already very hard and growing harder with every stroke of my hand.

"Sit on the bed," I whispered.

He looked up at me for a moment before he stood up. His pants pooled at his ankles. He sat on the edge of the bed and I slid down to the floor in front of him. I pulled off his shoes and socks, followed by his pants. I sat up on my knees and reached for the band of his black boxers. He didn't make a sound as he lifted his hips up and let me pull them down. I tossed them to the side and wrapped my hand around his shaft.

"Oh, holy fuck," he gasped.

I looked up at him as I pumped him a few times, causing him to moan. Keeping my eyes locked on his, I lowered my mouth down and sucked the tip of his cock in. His hand flew off the bed and wound itself in my hair, fisting my dark locks. I slid him into my mouth, fitting as much as I could before pulling back. As I bobbed up and down on him, he was grunting and groaned. His hand tightened on my hair. All that did was spur me on.

I quickened my pace, sucking on his tasty cock harder. He was shifting his hips up, pushing his cock a little deeper into my throat with every thrust. I placed my hands on his thighs and let him control me. He had both hands on my head, pushing me down as he pushed his hips up. My panties were beyond soaked and I was aching with need.

"Oh, fuck," he panted, tightening his grip on my hair even more. "I'm fucking gonna cum."

He tried to push me off of him but I pushed his hands away and took him down my throat again. His hips jerked and his cock started to spasm as he released down my throat. I swallowed every drop that poured out of him, sucking on the tip before I released him from my mouth. He sat there for a split second, just staring at me with wide eyes. I was starting to think he regretted letting me do that to him but then he grabbed my arms and pulled me onto the bed. He moved so that he was straddling my thighs. He ripped off his shirt, leaving him completely naked before me. I ogled him as I took in his firm, toned body.

"Do you have any idea what that does to me?" he asked. I snapped my eyes up at him. "When you look at me like that?"

"No," I said, quietly. "Tell me."

"It drives me fucking insane," he growled. He leaned down, placing his hands on either side of my head. "Tell me to stop."

"No," I whispered, shaking my head.

"Fucking tell me not to want you, Bella," he begged.

"Want me, take me," I cried, bringing my hands up to his face. "Please, make me yours."

"I'm going to hell," he muttered, dropping his forehead down onto my shoulder. "Straight to fucking hell for doing this."

He turned his head and started peppering kisses down my neck. I moaned and arched my neck, giving him access to me. His lips were burning my skin as he moved down to my collar bone and even further down to my cleavage that was pushing out of the top of my sundress. He looked up at me as he started popping the button on my blue and white dress, letting his fingers graze over my heated skin.

One by one he slowly undid my dress, exposing my young body to him. Once he had the last of them done, he pulled apart the panels and took in my near naked body. Near naked because I was not wearing a bra, only a pair of skimpy white satin panties. I leaned up so that he could removed the dress, sliding it down my arms at an agonizingly slow pace.

He threw it to the floor with his clothes and I laid back on the bed. He licked his lips as he leaned down and sucked one of my hardened nipples into his mouth. My back arched off the bed, forcing more of my breast into his mouth. He reached up and pushed my shoulders back down on the bed, holding me down as he continued to suckle on me.

He released my nipple and moved to the other one, worshiping it the way he had the other one. I was already on the verge of my climax and he had barely started touching me at all. He pulled away from my nipple and started suckling his way down my stomach, nipping at my skin. He removed his hands from my shoulders and brought them down to the sides of my panties. His eyes caught mine as he slowly slid them down my legs, letting them fall to the floor with the rest of our clothes.

"Bella," he murmured, shaking his head as he looked over my body. "You are so fucking beautiful."

"Please," I begged.

"What do you want?" he asked, smiling.

"You," I whimpered. "Please, just you."

"You fucking have me," he whispered, looking me right in the eye. "You own me."

Before I could respond, he lowered his mouth onto me. All I could do was moan as he tasted me for the first time. Not even in my wildest dreams did he feel this good between my legs. He pushed his fingers into me, spreading my lips apart. He snaked his tongue into me and I nearly came off the bed. He was so fucking amazing. He may have thought that I owned him but in the moment, I knew he owned me. All of me.

"So…close," I cried, grabbing the blanket on the bed. "So fucking close."

Without warning, he sprang up and slid his cock into me, filling me to the hilt in one move. My entire body exploded in a mixture of pleasure and pain. Pleasure from the orgasm that rage through me and pain from the ripping away of my virginity. He paused and wiped off the tears that fell from my eyes.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm so sorry."

"More," I cried, wrapping my arms around him. "I want more."

"Bella," he whispered, leaning his forehead down onto mine.

"I want more, Carlisle," I begged him. "I'm yours."

"Just mine," he mumbled. "All mine."

"All yours," I whispered.

Carlisle slowly pulled back and pushed back in. It still hurt but not as bad as it did the first time. I wrapped my legs around the back of his as he thrust in and out of me, slowly quickening his pace. With each thrust, the pain lessoned and was replaced by pleasure. Carlisle leaned in and captured my lips with his as he made love to me.

He slid his hand down and hitched my leg up on his hip, deepening his thrusts inside of me. Carlisle moaned as my tongue eagerly invaded his mouth. I could already feel my orgasm building again as his thrusts became more and more frantic and needy. I slid my hands up to his honey blond hair, twisting his locks in my fingers as my walls clenched down on him.

"Oh, fuck, Carlisle!" I cried, ripping my mouth from his. He slammed his hips into mine once more before he stilled and emptied himself into me.

"Bella," he moaned, dropping his head into my shoulder. "Oh, sweet Bella, I love you."

"I love you, too, Carlisle," I whispered.

Carlisle rolled off of me but pulled me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me. As I laid there with my head resting on his chest, I didn't think about the fact that he was married to Esme or that he was Alice's father. I didn't think about the fact that Edward and Emmett would be furious if they knew that their father was having an affair with their sister's best friend. I didn't think about the fact that I had just made love to my father's best friend, either. Charlie still thought I was innocent.

**Were you surprised by who they were? I hope you enjoyed this one-shot. Leave me a review and let me know.**


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn't until Carlisle's cell phone started ringing that we were pulled back into reality. We had been laying on the bed, naked and tangled in each other, pretending that he wasn't the married father of my best friend and that I wasn't the teenage daughter of his best friend. Carlisle muttered under his breath as he disentangled himself from me, slipped on his boxers, and pulled his phone from his pant pocket. Shifting his eyes up to mine, he flipped it open and walked into the bathroom.

"Hello, Esme..."

Just like that, the room was filled with undeniable tension. I scooted to the side of the bed and wrapped the sheet around me. What the hell had I done? I had fucked my father's best friend. I had fallen in love with my best friend's father. Tears pricked at the sides of my eyes as the pain in my chest radiated. The door to the bathroom opened as Carlisle came back out.

"Bella," said Carlisle. I didn't look back at him. "Bella, please, look at me."

"I can't," I murmured. Before I knew it, Carlisle was on his knees in front of me, hands reaching for mine. However, I pulled mine away. "Don't."

"Don't what?" he asked. "Don't love you? Don't want you? Don't need you?"

"All of those," I said, shaking my head. "You're married."

"I am, but Esme and I haven't been happy in years," he replied. I rolled my eyes as I scooted from around him, leaving him on his knees.

"Isn't that a bit cliché, Carlisle?" I snapped.

"It's the truth," he insisted, standing up. He had me against the wall, arms pressed to the wall next to me before I even knew what happened. "I need you, Bella. Not her."

"What about Alice?" I asked. Carlisle flinched. "Or Emmett and Edward. How are they going to feel about me and Daddy being together?"

"I don't care," he lied. We both knew he lied. "Do you really want me to leave you alone?"

"It doesn't matter what I want, I can't have you," I whispered, placing my hand on his chest. Carlisle shivered under my touch.

"I love you, Bella," he murmured. "Only you."

"Carlisle," I breathed.

"Say it back," he growled, grabbing my hands and pinning them to the wall above my head. "I know you feel it, too."

The sheet that had been wrapped around my body fell to the ground, pooling at my feet. Carlisle's eyes traveled down my body, and a smirk spread across his lips. Locking both my hands under just one of his, he dropped his other hand down to my breast, rolling my hard nipples between his fingers. I moaned, and not a normal moan, either, but a throaty moan.

"Yeah, you like that, don't you, Beautiful," he murmured, trailing his lips along my jaw. "My hands on you. You like that, don't you?"

"Yes," I admitted.

Carlisle slid his hand down my body until his hand was between my legs. Smiling against the side of my neck, he thrust two finger into me. I cried out, as my legs wobbled. He kept me up, gripping my hands tightly and placing his leg between mine. I could feel his cock, hardening against my hip. Carlisle pulled his fingers out again only to push them back in.

"You're mine," he growled, nipping at my neck. "Do you hear me, Isabella? You are fucking mine."

"Carlisle," I gasped, fingers sliding in and out of me. Faster and harder, deeper and rougher.

"Say it," he ordered, rubbing the palm of his hand against my clit.

"I'm fucking yours," I nearly screamed, clenching around his fingers as my orgasm washed over me

Carlisle released my hands but quickly grabbed the back of my thighs, lifting me against the wall, and wrapping my legs around his waist. I threw my arms around his shoulders, holding on to him as he shoved his boxers down and lined his cock up to my entrance. Kissing me roughly, he thrust into me, filling me completely. Gasping, I dug my nails into the skin on his shoulder, waiting for my body to adjust to the intrusion.

"God, you feel so fucking good," he groaned, dropping his head onto my shoulder. "Tight...wet...warm.

Slipping back until he was almost completely out of me, Carlisle pushed back in quickly. My breath caught in my throat as I gasped. Slowly, Carlisle found his rhythm. He kept one of his hands under my ass, holding me up while placing the other one against the wall behind me, giving him leverage to pound into me.

"Oh, fuck, Carlisle, don't stop," I begged, sliding one of my hands up into his hair.

"I can't stop, Bella," he moaned. "I need you too much. All of you, heart, soul, body. Oh, fuck me, do I need your body."

"Me too," I gasped.

Carlisle tightened his grip on me as he pulled away from the wall and sat down on the edge of the bed, sinking further into me. I held onto him as tightly as I could as he slowly moved inside of me, not wanting this moment to end. When Carlisle was inside of me, everything felt right, normal, even if it was far from being right or normal. Tears swam in my eyes as my body shook, my release washing over me once again. With one more thrust of his hips, Carlisle feel over the edge with me.

The dam holding my tears back broke and they poured down my face and onto his shoulder. Carlisle didn't say anything as he tightened his arms around me, letting me cry. It wasn't until his cell phone rang again that I was able to stop them from falling. Slipping off of him, I headed into the bathroom to clean up while he answered his phone, greeting Alice warmly. Guilt washed over me again.

I turned on the shower, letting the water warm up before I stepped in. I should stay away from him, let him go and move on with my life. This I knew but I couldn't. Regardless if I liked it or not, I needed Carlisle. His touch, his hands, his love, his body. He was my world now and I was in too deep to give him up now. The curtain pulled back as Carlisle stepped into the shower, wrapping his arms around me.

"Is Alice ok?"

He tensed but kissed the top of my head. "She's fine," he said. "Bella-"

"I know," I murmured, turning in his arms and looking up at him. "I love you, too, Carlisle. Even if it is wrong."

"I'll figure it out," he promised. "I don't know how or what we'll do but I'll figure out how we can be together."

"I hope so," I whispered, laying my head on his chest.

We let the subject drop as we showered, washing all the evidence of our forbidden affair off. Carlisle grabbed a towel and dried my body, being gentle and tender. Once he was convinced I was thoroughly dry, he lead me back into our hotel room and picked off my discarded panties off the floor, holding them so I could step into them.

"I can dress myself, you know," I smirked. "Been doing it for years."

"I figured since I helped you out of them, that I should help you back into them," he said, laughing. I blushed. Carlisle took a deep breath, shaking his head. "That kills me."

"What?" I asked.

"Your blush," he murmured, sliding the panties up my legs and over my ass, cupping my cheeks in his nimble hands. Placing a small kiss on my lips, he whispered, "It's sexy as hell."

I blushed deeper. "Oh."

Carlisle inhaled deeply before slipping his arms from around my and picking up my dress off the floor. "Come on, Beautiful, before I take you again."

I wanted to beg him to make love to me again, or just to fuck me hard, but I didn't. He had to get back home to his family and I had to let him, even if it did hurt. Once Carlisle and I were both dressed, we headed back down to his car and headed back to Forks. Carlisle kept my hand in his until we reached the city limits, then he let go and I felt the loss immediately. He pulled his car up in front of my house and looked over at me.

"I'll call you," he promised.

I nodded. "Ok," I whispered, opening the door. "Do you still love her?"

"Not like I love you," he said, not denying that he still loved his wife.

I climbed out of his car and shut the door without saying another word to him. Letting my hair fall around my face, I walked up to the front door and looked back. Carlisle shifted his car into drive and pulled out from in front of my house, taking my heart with him. Turning, I opened the door and walked inside, finding my father laying across the couch in the living room, watching a baseball game. He smiled and I felt like fool; a guilty, idiotic fool.

"Where have you been?" he asked, sitting up. "Alice's has been calling non-stop all afternoon. She's convinced that you were here and I was covering for you."

"Oh, I, um, was at the library," I lied. "My cell phone died and I didn't have my charger so...I'll call her."

"Do that," he laughed, laying back down as the phone rang. "Bet that's her."

I forced out a laugh as I picked up the phone. Sure enough, it was Alice. Smiling at my father, I ran upstairs with it. "Hey, Alice," I muttered.

"Don't hey Alice me," she snapped. "Where the hell have you been? You took off out of here this morning, all angry or whatever. What the hell was up with that?"

"I went to the library," I lied, again.

"Why? Schools out," she snorted. "Why did you leave like that this morning?"

"I-"

"It doesn't matter, cause you are not going to believe who I am going out with tonight," she said, cutting me off.

As Alice proceeded to tell me about the new guy in her life, Derek something, I laid down on my bed and tried not to let the guilt eat away at me for being with her father. After nearly an hour of non-stop talking, Alice hung up on me, saying something about needing to go get ready. I dropped the phone on the floor and buried my face in my pillow and screamed. My life was completely fucked up.

oOoOoO

"Bella, you're staying with the Cullens tonight," said Charlie, walking into the kitchen. I froze, my hand buried deep into the glass I was washing. It had been almost two weeks since my first day with Carlisle, and even though we talked on the phone and texted each other, we hadn't been together since.

"Why?" I asked, trying to keep the tremor of excitement and fear out of my voice.

"I'm heading into Seattle. I have to testify on a case I worked over there," explained my father. I finished washing the glass and turned and looked at him.

"I could stay here," I suggested. Charlie started to shake his head. "Dad, I'm eighteen. I'm old enough to stay here by myself."

"I know perfectly well how old you are, Bella," he said, sharply. "But I would feel better if you were at Carlisle's, where I knew you were safe."

Stifling my snort, I asked him, "What about when I go to Yale? You're going to have to learn to trust me sooner or later, Dad."

"And I choose later."

"I'm not a child," I muttered.

"You're acting like one," he snapped.

"You're being unfair," I grumbled, walking past him. Charlie reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me to a stop.

"Don't talk to me like that, Isabella," he warned. I slipped my arm out of his grip.

"Then don't treat me like a kid, Dad," I said. "I'm old enough to have a choice in the matter."

"Why don't you want to go over there?" he asked. "You usually jump at the chance to stay with Alice."

"She has a new boyfriend," I mumbled, not completely lying. She and Derek had been hot and heavy for two weeks. "You know how she gets."

"Bella, I would really feel better if you stayed with them," sighed Charlie.

"Fine, whatever. Keep treating me like I am five," I muttered. I turned and started out of the kitchen.

"Ok, you can stay here, but I want you to promise me that you will lock all the doors and keep the phone at your side all night," said Charlie.

Turning, I looked at him. "I promise."

"Don't make me regret this."

"You won't," I lied, trying to convince myself as much as him.

Charlie snorted, walking out of the kitchen. Smiling to myself, I took off up to my room, and shut the door behind me, locking it. I sat on my bed and picked up my cell phone, finding Carlisle's number and sending him a text.

**'So it would seem that I am going to be all alone tonight.'**

I only had to wait about twenty seconds for his reply. '_I thought you were coming here? I was hoping you were coming here.'  
_

Biting my bottom lip, I sent him a reply. '**I thought it would be nice if this really sexy guy I love came here, so we could have all night together. Maybe I was wrong...'**

Less than a minute later, my cell phone chimed indicating I had a new message. Holding my breath, I opened it. '_I'll find away. Be ready for me. I need you.'_

**'I need you, too.' **Even though I didn't want to need him, I did.

Charlie left an hour later, once again reminding me to lock the door behind him and to keep the phone with me at all times. The moment the door was shut, my nerves felt like they were on fire. I wasn't sure how soon Carlisle would get here but I wanted to be ready for him. I ran up to my room and spent the better part of the next hour, primping for him. I had to stop myself from asking Alice for her, like I normally would have done. But seeing as I was trying to seduce her very willing father, I thought it would be in bad taste.

By ten, I was nervously pacing in the kitchen waiting for him to show up, not sure if I really wanted him to, or if I was hoping that he wouldn't. Just when I was about to give up, I heard it; a knock on the backdoor. Taking a deep breath, I walked over and pulled the door open, finding him standing there.

"Hi," I smiled.

"Hi," he murmured, returning my smile. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," I muttered, dumbly as I stepped out of the way. Carlisle came in and stood right in front of me, placing his hands on my hips. My skin tingled. "Why are you at the back door?"

"I couldn't very well park in front and walk up to the front door, could I?" he asked. "I've missed you so much."

"Me too," I whispered. "More than I should have."

"Yeah." Leaning down, he brushed his lips tentatively across mine.

My eyes fluttered to a close. "More."

Carlisle crushed his lips to mine, pressing me against the wall behind us, and lifting me up. My legs automatically wrapped around his waist, locking at the ankles. His hands were under the skirt I had worn, knowing how much he loved it when I wore skirts, and were digging into my ass. He moaned when he realized I hadn't put on any panties.

"You're fucking trying to kill me, aren't you?" he asked, sliding his hand between us and playing with my folds. "So wet."

"For you," I gasped. "Please?"

"Please what?" he asked, smiling.

"Touch me," I begged. "Fuck me, taste me. I don't fucking care, just do something to me."

"You have a dirty mouth," he smirked, slowly parting my wet fold with his fingers and sliding one into me.

"Fuck!" I groaned, letting my head fall forward onto his shoulder.

"Soon," he murmured, slipping his finger out of me and setting me on my feet.

"But-"

"Soon," Carlisle smiled, bringing his finger up to his lips, licking my juices off.

"Tease," I muttered, pushing past him. Carlisle laughed, and I tried not to smile, but I couldn't stop myself. His laughter burned into my soul.

"Come on," he said, pulling me through the kitchen and over to the stairs. "I've waited two fucking weeks, Bella. I need you."

I let Carlisle led me upstairs, past my father's room, and into mine. He shut the door behind us, and I giggled. "It's weird to see you in my bedroom."

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow at me and kicking off his shoes.

"No," I replied, honestly. "Not ever."

"Me either," was all he said, moving over and taking me back into his arms, hand resting on the top of my ass. "You look beautiful."

My face heated up as I slid my hands up his arms. "I wore a skirt for you."

"Thank you," he murmured, letting his hand slide down. "I love you in skirts."

"I know," I gasped.

Carlisle let his hand travel down even further, until it rested on the back of my leg, just under my ass. Gripping tightly, he lifted me up, carrying me over and laying me on my bed, hand sliding around to the front of my thigh. He pulled my leg over his hip, as he hovered over me. His eyes were locked on mine, his lips just barely off of mine. I wanted to close the distance between us but didn't, letting him have all the control.

"Every night for the last two weeks, I've dreamed of being like this with you." Shaking his head, he rolled onto the bed next to me. "I've been going crazy, Bella."

"Me too," I admitted, rolling onto my side and snuggling up to him. Carlisle slipped his arm around my waist, hugging me tightly.

"I don't want to let you go," he whispered.

"Then don't." Moving so that I was straddling him, I said. "Don't let me go. Keep me forever, Carlisle."

"Forever, huh?" he asked, sliding his hand under skirt and up to my hips. I nodded. "I'm working on it."

Carlisle flipped us and crushed his lips down onto mine before I could say anything else. His hands were still on my hips, pulling them down as he ground himself into me. Pulling my lips away from his, I scooted out from under him. He started to say something but stopped as slid my hand down the hem of my white tank-top. A smile spread across his face, giving me the go ahead to pull it off.

"Holy fuck," he muttered as my breasts came into view. "Do you ever wear a bra?"

"Not usually," I purred, bringing my hands up and over them. "Perfect handful."

Carlisle was on his feet, standing in front of me before I could blink. "Mine," he growled, pulling my hands down.

Before I could protest, he had his lips wrapped around one of my nipples. His other hand was up, palming my other breast. Carlisle somehow managed to turn us around and lay me back down on the bed, without releasing my nipple in the process. When he did let my nipple out of his mouth, he kissed his way down my stomach, down to the top of my black and white skirt. Looking up at me, he slid the skirt down my legs, tossing it onto the floor with my shirt, leaving me completely naked.

"You are so beautiful," he murmured, moving to my knee, and placing a soft kiss there.

My breath hitched in my chest as he started kissing his way up my leg, nipping my skin with his teeth and driving me completely insane. Carlisle lifted my leg over his shoulder, slowly licking the length of my slit. My back arched off the bed, and my eyes rolled back. He groaned as he spread me open with two fingers, thrusting his tongue into me.

"Oh my god!' I cried out, grabbing the back of his head, pushing my pussy up to his mouth.

"So sweet, so good," he moaned, lapping at me.

Carlisle pushed two fingers into me, pumping them in and out while. Two weeks of foreplay had put me on the edge and I was already nearing my release, feeling my walls beginning to quiver around his fingers. Carlisle leaned up, shoving his tongue into my mouth as he fucked me with his fingers. Curving his hand upwards, he rubbed my clit with the palm of his hand, sending me over the edge. I screamed into his mouth, cumming harder than I ever had before. He pulled his lips from mine, and leaned back down, lapping up every drop that came out of me.

Panting, I pushed him over onto his back and straddling his waist again. Sliding my hands up his chest, I slowly unbuttoned his shirt, letting my fingers graze his chest. Carlisle moaned, grabbing my hips again. I smirked, knowing that he was barely hanging on. Once I had his shirt undone, I pulled him up so that he could take it off. Carlisle licked my nipple before he laid back down.

Shifting back, I reached for his pants, undoing his belt and pulling it completely out of his pants. I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, sliding them down his legs and tossing them onto the floor. Hooking my fingers into the sides of his boxers, I slowly pulled them off, letting his beautiful cock out. I dropped his boxers onto the floor and wrapped my hand around him.

"Fuck," he growled, thrusting his hips into my hand.

Pumping him slowly, I leaned down and licked the top of his cock. Carlisle growled again and grabbed the back of my head, and thrusting his cock into my mouth. I placed my hands on his hips, bracing myself as he hit the back of my throat. Carlisle's hands gripped my hair as he shifted his hips up, truly fucking my mouth. With each thrust, he pushed his way deeper and deeper down my throat.

"Goddamn, Bella, your mouth is fucking amazing," he moaned. "Made just for me, baby. My cock only."

I hummed in agreement, which just spurred him on. Just as I was sure he going to cum, he pulled me off his cock. "I need to be in you," he said. "You on top."

"I can't," I muttered, blushing. "I wouldn't know what to do."

"I'll teach you," he insisted, pulling on my hand. I moved so that I was straddling his lap again. "Line me up and slide down onto me slowly."

I did what he said, shifting up on my knees and wrapping my hand around his cock. Placing his tip at my entrance, I slowly slid down onto him, taking him deeply into my body. Carlisle moaned again, moving his hands to my hips. Lifting up, Carlisle slid out of me. He tightened his grip on my hips and pulled me back down, sheathing himself into me again. My head fell back as I found my pace, slow and steady. Letting him lead me.

"Faster," he ordered. "Put your hands on my legs."

I did as he asked, placing my hands on his thighs and increased my pace on him, shifting down harder and faster. Carlisle brought his hands up, grabbing my nipples and pulling. "OH, FUCK!" I cried, slamming my hips down onto him. "I'm so close," I panted, feeling my orgasm building.

"Let go," Carlisle urged, pinching my nipple between his fingers. "Now, let go."

Letting my head fall back, my body explode, as pleasure shot through me. Carlisle grabbed my hips, stilling them as he fell over the edge, releasing inside of me. I collapsed down onto his chest, him still inside of me, both of us panting as we tried to catch our breath.

"I'm never letting you go," he promised.

"Me either," I lied, knowing that it wasn't that easy. Rolling off of him, I snuggled into his arms and pulled the blanket up over us. As I drifted to sleep, I felt Carlisle lean down and press his lips down into mine, whispering that he loved me.

When I woke up the next morning, Carlisle was gone but laying on his pillow was a note. Wrapping the sheet around me, I sat up and picked it up.

**Beautiful,**

**Sorry I had to leave while you were sleeping, but you  
****looked tired. Last night was one of the best in my life.  
****I miss you already. I love you.**

**Love, ****Carlisle**

As much as I wanted to believe that Carlisle and I could really be together, the fact was that he was still married to Esme, and I was still the daughter of his best friend.

**Thank you for all the reviews on the first chapter. Needless to say, I decided to continue this on. I can't promise updates every week but I will be updating this when I get a chapter written.**


	3. Chapter 3

"I don't know why I wasted two fucking months on that loser. All he did was talk about himself and try to get me to suck his cock," ranted Alice, pulling a dark blue sundress off a rack and holding up against me. "This would look fabulous on you. Then you could go out with me and finally stop moping."

"I am not moping," I muttered, turning away from her. That wasn't true, I had been moping. She just had no clue her father was the man I had been pining away for a month and a half.

"Whatever. All I know is that Matt asked about you yesterday," she said, smiling. "He asked me if you were coming to his party tonight. I told him that you would be there."

"Goddamn it, Alice, I told you no!" I yelled, throwing the stupid dress back onto the rack and walking away from her. Alice stared at me, mouth agape and for once not saying anything.

The last month and a half had been spectacular and horrible at the same time. Carlisle and I had managed to continue our affair; sneaking off to the woods, late night meetings while my father was gone, in the backseat of his car while we parked on a deserted country road. Each time was better than the previous, more intense, but left me feeling guilty and ashamed. In my head, I knew I needed to end it, but my heart told me otherwise. My heart needed him; craved his fingers, his lips, his cock.

My cell phone chimed, alerting me to a new message. Already knowing it was him, I pulled it out of my back pocket and flipped it open.

**'I want to kiss you.'**

My heart soared as I hit reply. '_Then kiss me.'_

It was a dangerous game, flirting with him, but I couldn't stop. Less than a moment later, he replied back. **'Spread your legs for me, Baby.'**

I blushed. _'You're teasing me again.'_

"Bella, there you are," exclaimed Alice. I quickly shut my phone, shoving it back into my pocket. "Who were you talking to?"

"Um, nobody," I mumbled, feeling my face heat up and guilt tearing my soul apart.

"Look, I'm sorry if I was being too pushy, but all you've done all summer is sit at home. We're eighteen and you act like you are eighty, or something." Alice sighed as sat down next to me. "This is our last summer before we go to school and you aren't enjoying it all."

"I am," I replied, and I was, but I couldn't tell her that.

"You're not," she insisted. "You haven't been on a date in three months. And you can't say that boys aren't asking you because I know that Matt has asked you at least five times. You keep saying no."

"I don't want to go out with Matt," I muttered, ducking my head, I pulled on my bottom lip, feeling the tears building up in my eyes.

"Bella, what's wrong?" asked Alice. I looked up at her, lips trembling and chin wobbling as the tears I had been fighting, fell freely. "Bella, you're scaring me!"

"I have to go," I whispered, running away from her.

Alice called after me but I couldn't stop. In fact, I ran faster, trying to find someplace that I could hide. Somewhere, where I wasn't a home wrecking whore. Running out of the mall, I started walking home. Alice had driven us in her new car, a present from Carlisle and Esme upon her graduation from high school. She loved the bright yellow Porsche, I detested it. As usual, it was raining, but I didn't care. Maybe the rain would wash my sins away.

By the time I made to the house, I was soaking wet. Walking into the house, I expected to see my father in the living room, and there he sat, but next to him, sat Carlisle. I froze with my hand on the doorknob, unable to speak, think, or breath. My father and Carlisle looked up at me, eyes flying open. However, Carlisle's eyes dropped down to my t-shirt, which clung to my chest.

"What the hell, Bella?" asked Charlie, startling me and Carlisle, turned away. "Why are you drenched? I thought Alice had driven you to the mall."

"She did," I mumbled, looking at the floor.

"Then why didn't she drive you home?" Charlie pressed.

I opened my mouth once, twice, three times but couldn't say anything. Shaking my head, I lifted my eyes to my father, but my eye shifted to Carlisle instead, but it was he who spoke. "I should go," he said, turning back to my father, Carlisle smiled, placing his hand on his shoulder.

"Ok," sighed Charlie.

Carlisle turned back and walked over to me, reaching behind me and pulling the door open. My breath caught in my chest and I wanted to lean up and kiss him but I didn't. I couldn't. I shouldn't want to, but I did. Inhaling sharply, Carlisle walked past me, and out of the house, pulling the door shut behind him. Turning back to my father, I tried to smile but it didn't come off right. Wrapping my arms around my body, I took off up the stairs, leaving my father standing in the living room, completely oblivious to the fact that the man who had just left, had been my lover for two months.

Once I was in my room, I stripped off my wet clothes, leaving them in the middle of my bedroom and crawled under my covers, just my panties on. My cell phone chimed, I knew it was Carlisle. Instead, of reading his message, I turned my face into my pillow and cried.

oOoOoOoO

For three days I managed not to talk to him. It wasn't for a lack of trying on his part, either. No, Carlisle had been quite persistent. There were the text messages; begging me to write back, even ordering me to write back. The voice mails pleading with me to talk to him, begging me to meet him. I didn't, I couldn't. No matter how much I needed to talk to him, to feel him, to kiss him, to make love to him. My body betrayed me, yearning for him.

On the fourth day, I gave in, pulling myself out of bed and taking a shower. Time felt like it slowed down as I washed my body, got dressed, and walked downstairs to where my father was sitting in the kitchen. He looked up at me, eyes puffy and red, face scruffy from three days worth of not shaving. Turning from him, I felt the shame for being a slut.

"Bella," said my father, gravely. I froze, hand resting on the handle to the refrigerator, but I couldn't look back at him. "Honey, are you ok?"

"I'm fine," I muttered, yanking the door open, slamming it against the wall.

"You don't seem ok," he went on. "You just spent three days in your room, refusing to speak to anyone, not even Alice."

I flinched at the mention of my best friend. "Did you and Alice have a fight?" he asked.

I shook my head, barely able to speak above a whisper. "No."

"Did someone hurt you?"

Turning, I finally looked back at him, his face full of anguish, and pain. "No, Dad, nobody hurt me," I said. Quite the opposite, in fact. "I'm fine."

"You are not fine," he roared, standing up and slamming his fist onto the table. "If you were fine, you would not have spent three days, locked in your room!"

Completely taken back, I gasped.

"You just..." he trailed off, shaking his head. "Something is going on with you, I don't know what it is, but something. You're different."

"I'm not," I lied, knowing each word was a lie.

"You are," he laughed, humorlessly.

Feeling defensive, I did the only thing I could think to do. I lashed out at him. "So now you fucking care?" I seethed, causing him to slink back from me. "You never cared before, always dumping me off on other people. Where were you when I needed you, Dad?"

I was hysterical.

"I've always been here, Bella. Always," he insisted.

Shaking my head, I muttered, "Not when I needed you the most, and now, it's too late. I'm already lost."

Wrapping my arms around my body, I ran out of the room, grabbing my keys off the hook next to the front door, and out of the house. I jumped into my truck and looked back at the house as my father came running onto the front porch. Pain soared through me as started my truck and peeled out of the driveway, and drove off. I was a horrible daughter.

Before I knew it, I had parked in front of Carlisle's office, watching the front door and trying to get the courage to go inside. I needed to see him, to talk to him. Only talk to him, but my body betrayed me, and already ached for his hands, his lips, all of him. Closing my eyes, I reached over and pushed open the door to my truck. I climbed out and headed inside, feeling like god and everyone could see me. Maybe they could.

When I walked into the office, Mrs. Cope, Carlisle's receptionist looked up at me, smiling widely. I returned her smile, hoping it seemed real as I walked up to the counter. "Bella, how are you?" she asked, leaning over the counter to hug me.

"I'm fine," I lied, again. She pulled back, bringing her hand up to my face like she always did.

"You're growing up too fast," she sighed. She always said that.

"I know," I agreed. "Does Dr. Cullen have a few minutes for me? I have a few questions to ask him about medical school."

It was remarkable how easy the lies poured out of my mouth. The saddest part, the look of happiness on Mrs. Cope's face. "I didn't know you were planning on medical school. He's got a little time before his next patient, Sweetheart. Why don't you go on back."

"Thank you," I murmured. My feet felt like they had lead in them as I walked through the door leading to the back of Carlisle's small practice. The door to Carlisle's office was closed when I came up on it. Raising my hand, I knocked three times.

"Come in," he called.

Reaching down, I turned the handle and pushed the door open. Carlisle looked up at me, eyes widening. He looked horrible. Dark circles hung under his eyes. His hair was disheveled, but his eyes were what stood out the most to me. They were dull, full of heartache and pain. He stood up as I stepped in, shutting the door behind me. For a moment, we stood there, staring at each other, both silently trying to decide what we should do now.

"Hi," I finally whispered.

"Hi," he said. Stepping around his desk, he reached out for me. I felt the tears, already swimming in my eyes, fall as I grabbed his hand, letting him pull me into his arms. "God, Baby, I was so worried about you."

"I'm sorry," I murmured, resting my head on his chest.

Carlisle led me over to the small sofa he had in his office, pulling me down onto his lap. "Tell me what happened."

I shook my head, knowing I couldn't tell him about Alice. "This is just all wrong," I said, quietly. "You and Me, we shouldn't be doing this."

"Bella, we love each other. I mean, you still love me, don't you?" he asked.

"I do." Sliding off of his lap, I lifted my eyes up to his. "And I can't give you up, even though I know this will never work out."

"We can work out. We will work out, I just need some time to get things figured out," he insisted.

I shook my head. "Time, Carlisle? You're married. Are you going to leave Esme?" He closed his eyes, but didn't say anything. "I didn't think so."

"It's not that easy, Baby, we've been married for almost twenty-five years." He pleaded with me to understand. "I can't just up and leave her, I have to make plans."

"Which is why this is so wrong," I muttered, taking his hands in mine. "But I can't let you go, I need you too much." Bringing his hands up to my lips, I whispered. "I don't know what to do."

"Just let me love you," he replied, cupping my face and wiping my tears off with his thumbs. "That's all I'm asking, just let me love you."

"You ask for a lot."

"I know," he admitted, leaning in and brushing his lips across mine.

What started out as a soft, gentle kiss, quickly intensified and turned into a full out make-out session. Carlisle shifted me back over onto his lap, resting his hand on my ass, kneading them. My hands were fisting his hair, tongue thrusting into his mouth, claiming him as mine. Just as quickly as it started, it stopped when someone, knocked on the door. He dropped his hands and stood up, walking over and pulling the door open just a bit.

"Yes, Mrs. Cope?"

"Your one o'clock is in exam room four," she explained.

"I'll be right there," said Carlisle. He shut the door and looked back at me. "Sorry, I have to get back to work."

"It's fine," I lied, once again shocked by how real the words sounded. "Anyway, I should go."

"I need to see you," he murmured, coming over as I stood up. His arms automatically wrapped around my body, holding me flush with his chest. "Tonight. Meet me somewhere tonight."

"Where?" I asked, knowing it would be impossible for me to stay away from him.

"Meet me in the woods, just behind your house at midnight."

I nodded, agreeing to meet him. Leaning down, he kissed me chastely before releasing me. Carlisle walked me out of his office, and out to the waiting room of his clinic. It felt like everyone's eyes were on me as I walked through, and headed out to my truck. Starting it up, I took a deep breath, before heading back home.

oOoOoOoO

By the time I walked out of my house just before midnight, I had a headache. When I got home from Carlisle's office, Charlie had left, leaving a note on the table saying that he got called in to work and he would be back later. I waited for him to come home and yell at me, scold me about acting like a child. Maybe even ground me, but he never did. As I walked down to the edge of the trees, my legs shook. Just like he said he would be, Carlisle waited for me just inside the woods. Taking my hand in his, he turned on his flashlight and lead me over to where his car was parked, blocked from view from any traffic that would have come by. I had been expecting this. Carlisle opened the door to the backseat for me and I slid in, turning as he climbed in after me. He shut the door and turned off his flashlight, letting the glow of the moonlight shine down on us. He smiled and reached over, taking my hand in his.

"I wasn't sure you would actually meet me," he said.

"I told you I would," I replied. "I can't stay away from you, Carlisle."

"You should, though," he muttered, shifting his eyes away. "I'm not a good man, Bella."

"You are."

He shook his head, looking back at me. "I'm not the man you should be with."

"But I am," I whispered.

He nodded his head, raising his hand up to my cheek. Leaning in, he kissed me, curving his hand around my neck, and pulling me closer to him. His tongue pushed through my lips. Bringing my hand up, I started unbuttoning his shirt, needing to touch him, feel him. Carlisle shivered as my fingers grazed his skin, each button giving me more access. Finally having them all undone, I spread his shirt open, pulling my lips from his. Lowering down, I worshiped his chest, letting my tongue linger over his nipples.

"Fuck, Bella," he moaned, gripping my hair in his hands.

My hand shook as I slid it down his chest, gripping the top of his designer jeans. Pulling hard, they came open and I managed to lower the zipper. Carlisle lifted up, allowing me to lower them and his boxers, leaving them pooling at his feet. Placing my hand on his thigh, I wrapped my lips around the head of his cock, sucking just a bit of him into my mouth.

"Bella, baby, please," he begged, gently pushing my head further down.

I let him slide in until he reached the back of my throat, sucking as hard as I could against him. Carlisle growled, yanking on my hair, pulling my head back up just enough to leave only the tip of his cock in my mouth. Pushing down, he filled my mouth again, pressing even further into my throat. I fought against the urge to gag, but Carlisle went slow, sliding deeper each time I came back down on him.

Once he had a good steady rhythm going, he moved his other hand down, lifting my skirt up and slipping his hand into my white cotton panties, palming my ass. Carlisle ran his fingers along my ass, pressing his finger in between my checks, and I moaned, pressing myself into him.

"Oh, my baby likes that, does she?" he asked, panting and thrusting his hips up, fucking my mouth hard. I hummed. "Oh, fuck, Bella."

Carlisle yanked my head back roughly, and his cock slipped out of my mouth. "I need your pussy, Baby. Right the fuck now."

Smirking to myself, I leaned up and slipped my panties off, tossing them on the floorboard of the car. Sliding over, I straddled his lap, slowly lowering myself onto him, letting my head fall back as he filled me completely. "Ugh, you feel so fucking good inside of me," I murmured, placing my hands on his shoulders as I lifted up, and slide back down. "Oh, God!"

"Harder," he groaned, sliding his hands under my skirt, grabbing my ass.

I did as he asked, moving harder on him. Taking him in deeper inside of me. Carlisle brought one of his hands up, shoving my tank top up over my breasts, leaning up and suckling on one of my nipples. He used to teeth, biting down and sending pleasurable pain through me.

"Oh, baby, you have the sweetest pussy I've ever felt wrapped around my cock," he managed to grunt out. I could already feel my orgasm coming, building inside of me and I needed it.

"I'm close," I cried out, grabbing his hair. "I need more."

Carlisle pulled me closer, sucking on my nipple again while his other hand moved to my ass. Slipping his finger between my cheeks, he pressed the tip of his fingers into my hole, and I was done for. I screamed, yanking his head back as my orgasm washed over me, sending me spiraling down. Carlisle thrust up into me a few more times, before stilling his hips against me and filling me with his cum. I slumped down on to him, trying to catch my breath, regain some sort of strengthen.

"I think you broke me," I whispered, feeling the truth in each word.

"I think I did, too," murmured Carlisle.

"I love you." And I did, even if our love was wrong.

"I love you, too," he replied. "One way or another, Baby, we'll figure out how to make this work."

"Yeah," I agreed.

But I couldn't help think, at what cost?

**Thank you for all the reviews over the first couple of chapters. First, I want to say that it makes me smile that you are willing to read and review something that out of your comfort box. This story, just screams in my head and, while I know it's wrong, I have to listen to it. Secondly, Bella will not be getting pregnant, at least not anytime soon. She's on birth control, she just doesn't mention it anymore. Remember that when we are all cursing Carlisle for his behavior, that Bella is a willing participant. **


	4. Chapter 4

"Bella, let's go," muttered Charlie, standing up from his seat at the kitchen table.

Before I could respond, he was out of the room, and at the front door. Placing my half eaten breakfast in the sink, I followed him out of the house and to his cruiser. In the last three weeks, my father had barely spoken three words to me. Of course, I hadn't spoken a single word to him. We were still angry with each other, me having said things I would never be able to take back, and him realizing that there were truths in each words I'd spoken. My father loved me, I didn't doubt that, but he never picked me first, and now, I was going to hell.

It wasn't his fault though. I'd made the decision to carry on my affair with Carlisle. He and I were the ones to blame for sending our souls straight to hell, neither of us being strong enough to deny our feelings for each other. We were weak, and pathetic, but I loved him. No matter how hard I tried to stay away from him, I couldn't. He owned my heart, my soul, but mostly, he owned my body. I was a whore.

Charlie pulled up in front of Carlisle and Esme's house, cutting the engine, and getting out without looking in my direction. My stomach felt like it was tied up in knots, I pushed open the door and climbed out. I didn't want to be here, but I didn't have a choice. Alice and I were leaving for school in three days, Esme had insisted we needed to have one last get together before we left. The last place I wanted to be was with him, while his wife hung all over him, but Charlie didn't give me much choice in the matter.

Walking up the stone pathway to the front door, I wrapped my arms around my body, trying to keep myself together. I hadn't spoken to Alice since the day I left her at the mall, though she called everyday. I listened to her voice mails, each word feeling like salt being poured into my wounds. I deserved nothing less. She didn't even know it, but I'd betrayed her.

Stepping into the house, I could hear everyone out in the backyard, laughing together. I walked over to Esme's wall of fame, as she called it. Covered with hundreds of pictures of Emmett, Edward, and Alice, the wall stood as a simple testament of her family.

"Hey," murmured Carlisle, from behind me.

I didn't look back at him. Instead, I pulled a picture off the wall of me and Alice. We were ten, and had dressed up for Halloween; her like a supermodel, and me like a baseball player. She hated my costume, trying everything she could to talk me out of it. When I refused, she went whining to Carlisle in hopes that he would somehow be able to get me to change my mind. He laughed, and said that I was who I was, and nothing could change that.

"Do you remember?" I wondered, not bothering to look back at him.

"Yes." He reached over, taking the picture from me, hanging it back up on the wall. "She didn't talk to me for a week."

"Me either," I muttered.

"Bella..." he started, but trailed off when I looked up at him.

"Daddy," called Alice, slamming the back door. I stepped away from Carlisle, looking back just in time to see her walk in from the kitchen. She stopped when she saw me, a small smile playing on her lips. Looking over at her father, she told him, "Mom wanted you to get more chairs from the garage."

"Okay." Without looking back at me, he left. Alice turned back to me, folding her arms in front of her.

"I didn't think you'd come," she admitted.

"I didn't want to," I muttered, looking away.

"Why won't you talk to me, Bella?" Her voice cracked, my heart ached. "I miss you."

"Alice," I shook my head, "I miss you, too, but..."

"But now you don't need me or want me," she finished.

"That's not it, I just..." I let my words die out as I looked at her. "I don't know."

Alice dropped her arms, walking across the room to me. I stepped away, not wanting her to come closer, but wanting her to hold me at the same time. She stopped, throwing her arms in the air. "So that's it, Bella. You've just decided that we aren't friends any longer."

Not wanting to hear the truth in what she said, I did what I always do, I lashed out at her. "You're the one who's always pushing me away," I yelled. She flinched back. "Every time you met some new guy that you were head over heels for, you brushed me off and threw me away like trash. Where were you when I needed my best friend to protect me?"

"Protect you from what?" she spat. "All you've done all summer is wallow away at home."

This time, I flinched, bringing my hand up to cover my mouth. She had no idea what my summer had been like, and that was my fault. I had been the whore, tearing her family apart. "You have no idea what I've done, Alice, because as usual, you were too busy with your flavor of the week to pay attention to me. Then when you get bored of whoever you were fucking at the time, you came back to me, expecting me to be at your beck and fucking call."

"That's bullshit and you know it!" she screamed.

"Is it?" I sneered. "Where were you, Ali, when I needed my best friend to tell me not to ruin my life? Not here, not when I needed you!"

"What on earth is going on in here?" gasped Esme, rushing into the living room, Carlisle followed closely. I shifted my eyes away from all of them, feeling the guilt bubble up in my throat. "We could hear you yelling all the way outside."

"I'm sorry, I'll leave," I muttered, running for the door.

"Oh no, you won't," insisted Esme, catching my arm on my way by. "You're leaving in a few days. Your father needs you to make an effort here, sweetheart."

Tugging my arm out of her hand, I looked past her to my father, who stood behind Carlisle. Charlie shifted his eyes away from mine, and I tried not to cry. "Don't call me sweetheart, Esme. I'm nobody's sweetheart anymore."

Turning my eyes away from everyone, I walked past them all and out into the yard, ignoring the stares from friends, who had clearly heard everything. Grabbing one the chairs from next to the house, I pulled it over into the shade, sitting with my knees pulled up to my chest, arms tucked in between. Alice, Charlie, Esme, and Carlisle came out just moments later, all four of them looking over at me, Carlisle the only one who didn't look away immediately.

After a long minute, he turned away from me, heading over to the grill with Charlie. I watched as they started talking, acting like everything wasn't fucked up. Like he hadn't been fucking me for the last three months. Alice settled on the side of the pool, letting her feet dangle in the water. Emmett and Edward sat on the other side of the pool with a couple of girls from Port Angeles. Knowing the two boys like I did, their time with those two would be nothing more than a summer fling, just biding their time until they headed back to school. Esme fluttered in and out of the house, playing the best hostess she could be. Touching him, caressing his face, holding his hand. I hated her. She had a part of Carlisle I would never have, and I hated her for it.

"Hey, Bella." I looked over at Matt, tall with dark hair and eyes. "How's it going?"

"Okay, I guess." He sat down on the grass next to me, huge smile on his face. "How's your summer been?"

"Boring as hell," he laughed. I wanted to laugh with him, but I didn't. "I spent the summer working for my dad. I'll never make that mistake again."

"That bad, huh?"

He nodded, "I'm surprised we didn't end up killing each other." I smiled. "How's your summer been?"

"I don't know," I replied, honestly. "Long, but short."

"Are you excited about heading to Yale?" he pushed, trying to keep the conversation going.

Shifting my eyes over to Carlisle, I shook my head. He was glaring at me, fist clenched tightly around the spatula in his hand. "No, I'm not ready to leave yet."

After a few more minutes, Matt left, going over and sitting next to Alice. I watched her flirt with him, throwing her boobs in his face, and laughing at everything he said. Smirking, she looked over at me, placing her hand on his chest, and leaning toward him. She was trying to upset me, but all she did was make me pity Matt. Alice went through more guys than anyone I knew, and he would be her next victim. And, yet, I missed my best friend, the easy relationship we used to have, before I fucked everything up.

Shifting my attention, back to the grill, I expected to see Carlisle standing there with my father, but he wasn't. Instead, Esme stood there, laughing at something Charlie said. He never said anything funny. Standing up, I headed into the house, searching for the man I shouldn't want. I found him in his study, glass of scotch in one hand, the other leaning against the window. Shutting the door behind me, I waited for him to look back at me, but he didn't. I moved over, sitting on the leather couch, crossing my knees, and folding my arms in front of me.

Setting his glass down, he finally turned and looked at me. "Did you have a nice talk with your boyfriend?" he spat.

"No," I muttered.

"Seemed like you were," he groused, falling into the seat behind his desk. "Flirting, throwing yourself at him. I'm surprised you didn't just fuck him right there."

Looking away, I blinked back my tears. "I don't want him. I never did."

"Yet, you flirted with him," he grumbled. I looked back at him. "You're only supposed to flirt with me."

"Oh, really?" I sneered. "Does that mean you're not fucking your wife anymore?"

He stared at me. "No, I'm not. I haven't since you and I got together."

Rolling my eyes, I stood up. "Sell your bullshit elsewhere," I scoffed. "I saw her touching you, kissing you. You're supposed to be in love with me, yet, she's all over you."

I headed back to the door, but had barely gotten a hand on the knob when he grabbed me, spinning me around. Crushing his lips down onto mine, he pressed me against the door, letting his hands roam all over my body. I brought my hands up to his chest, pushing him off of me, trying to ignore the way my body longed for his touch.

"Stop," I begged. "Just stop torturing me!"

"I'm not," he insisted, reaching out, gripping my hips, pulling me to him. "Baby, I love you. I hate when she touches me, I want it to be you."

My feeble attempts to stop him died off when he lowered his lips down onto mine once more. I melted into his embrace, allowing him to pick me up, and lay me on his couch. Nestling himself down between my legs, he pressed the full length of his body down on me, moaning into my mouth. Pulling my arms from around his neck, he pinned them above my head, tearing his lips from mine, moving them to the soft crevice of my neck, nipping and sucking on my tender flesh.

"Carlisle," I gasped, breathless from the feeling stirring up inside of me.

"Carlisle," called Esme, knocking on his office door. He sprang off of me, pulling me up off his couch, and looking at me with fear in his eyes. "Are you in there?"

"Yes," he hollered, "I'll be just a moment."

"Can I come in?" she huffed. He turned back to me, opening his mouth once, before clamping it shut. I rolled my eyes, looking around for someplace to hide. Moving over, I stepped into the small coat closet in his office, pulling the door closed behind me. A moment later, I heard the door open. "What are you doing in here?"

"Just taking a break," he sighed, closing the door behind her. "What did you want?"

"I wanted to know why my husband is hiding in his office, instead of being hospitable," she answered, harshly. "You told me that you would help me today, yet, all you've done is hide."

"I cooked," he muttered.

"Charlie's done more cooking than you," scoffed Esme. "And with what that man is dealing with. Can you believe the way she's behaving? Acting like a spoiled little bitch."

"She's not, Esme. Clearly, she's upset about something," Carlisle defended me.

"Oh please, she's just like her mother," Esme went on, ignoring him. I flinched. "Renee was always selfish, too. Leaving Charlie to raise Bella on his own. It's a pity, really." Esme paused, I wiped the tear off my face. "Anyway, enough about her. Please, come help me. I'm getting a headache."

"I'll be right out," he assured her.

A moment later, I heard the door close, and I pushed open the door to the closet. Carlisle was leaning against the wall behind the door, hands on his knees. He looked up at me, and started to speak, but I put my hand up to stop him, "I'm leaving. Tell Charlie...well, tell him whatever you want, but I'm going home."

"Bella..."

"I'm fine, Carlisle. I just really don't want to be here, so..." I trailed off, walking over to the door. Leaning up, I brushed my lips against his. "Call me later, or something."

"I love you," he whispered.

Nodding my head, I brushed a tear off my cheek, "I love you, too."

Leaving him standing in his office, I left, heading out the front door, and walking home. I crawled into my bed, letting my tears fall freely, not even knowing why I cried anymore. Carlisle called that night. We ended up talking for nearly three hours, never once mentioning his wife's rant against me. I knew she was right about my behavior, but hearing it coming from her, being compared to my mother, there weren't words that could explain the pain that filled my heart. Maybe Carlisle knew, that's why he never brought it up. Charlie came home, but didn't speak to me. Instead, he plopped himself down in front of the television, watching some baseball game, and pretending that I wasn't there, needing him. I sat at the bottom of the stairs, letting my tears fall silently down my face. I missed my father.

oOoOoOoO

"Bella." I looked over as Carlisle called my name. "Baby, where were you?"

"Here," I murmured, rolling from my side onto my back, covering my nude body with the flimsy white sheet. Carlisle rolled onto his side, tugging the sheet over his hips, pressing his body against mine.

"You looked a million miles away," he mused, kissing my bare shoulder. I smiled. "What were you thinking about?"

"I don't want to leave tomorrow," I whispered, catching his eye. He sighed, propping himself up on his elbow. "I could just stay here, go to UW with..."

"Alice," he finished for me. I looked away, but nodded. "You can't do that, baby. You can't throw away Yale. Not for me."

"It's not for you," I insisted. "It's for us."

"No," he groused, sitting up on the side of the bed. I sat up, pulling my knees to my chest. "It's bad enough that I've caused friction between you and Charlie, you and Alice. I won't sit back and watch you throw away your future on me."

"I don't have a future without you," I murmured. He turned, looking back at me. "It hurts to even think about being away from you."

"Baby, I know," he soothed, crawling back over, pushing me back on the bed so that he hovered over me. Reaching between us, he pulled the sheet away, pressing his naked body down onto mine. "I want nothing more than to be with you every fucking minute of everyday, but I can't."

"Oh, Carlisle," I moaned, feeling him harden against me. "Please!"

Gripping my hands, he pulled them up over my head, pinning them to the bed. Pushing my legs apart, he thrust into me, quickly, covering my mouth with his as I cried out. Holding both of my hands with one of his, he moved his other hand down, gripping my leg just behind my knee, and pulling it up over his hip, giving him a deeper angle.

"Harder," I begged, tearing my lips from his.

He groaned, burying his head into the crook of my neck, increasing his thrusts. I tried to move with him, lifting my hips meet his. A delicious hiss escaped from his lips. "Oh, fuck, baby, you feel so good."

"More, please, more!" I sounded like a porn star, begging for him to fuck me harder, deeper. Carlisle knew what I wanted, and gave it to me, letting curses fall from between his lips.

Sitting back on his feet, he pulled me up so that I straddled his legs, sinking deeper into me. I grabbed his hair, tugging hard, "Fuck, baby, tell me you're close," he pleaded with me, sliding his hand down to ass, kneading my cheeks roughly.

"So close," I wailed, needing just a bit more. Knowing what I needed, he slipped his finger between my cheeks, pushing just the tip of his finger into me. Clamping down around him, my climax washed over me, "Oh, fuck, yes!"

Thrusting once more into me, Carlisle stilled his hips, finding his own release. Falling back onto the bed, I giggled when he landed on top of me. Smiling, he looked up at me. "Baby, you're amazing."

"You're pretty amazing, too," I murmured, stroking his cheek. He leaned into my hand, eyes fluttering closed. "Look at me." He opened his eyes. "Is this going to be the end of us?"

"No," he promised. "I don't know how we'll do this, but I'm not giving up on us."

"Yeah?" I murmured.

"I talked to a lawyer yesterday, baby," he admitted. "I'm asking for a divorce."

"You are?" I couldn't help but smile. He nodded, returning my cheeky smile.

"I love you, Bella, not her."

"I love you, too."

**Thank you for all the reviews. Pretty nasty mess they are causing, huh? **


	5. Chapter 5

I stood in the door way to my bedroom, two large, overstuffed suitcases laying at my feet, taking a few minutes to look around the room that had once been my home. The room didn't look much different than it did yesterday, or the day before, the week before, or, hell, even the month before, but it was different. The walls were still covered in the same boring posters I had put up when I turned thirteen. Thinking they would make me seem cooler, I had spent every cent I made baby-sitting on posters of various bands, and musicians. I hate them all. My shelves were still overflowing with the hundreds of books I couldn't fit inside my suitcase. Even though I wanted to bring them all with me, I couldn't. They would stay here, locked away inside my bedroom until I came for them. If I ever came back. If my father knew the girl I had become, he'd never welcome back. A common whore, spreading her legs to the first guy who loved her.

Turning away from the room that mocked me with my non-existent innocence, I picked up my bags, and shuffled downstairs, dropping them by the front door. Taking my sweet time, I walked into the kitchen, finding Charlie sitting at the kitchen table, cup of coffee in his hand, staring away into space. I slid into my usual seat, waiting for my father to acknowledge me. He never did.

Instead, he lifted his cup up to his lips, sipping on his drink, refusing to look at me. Tears burned my eyes. Inside I was screaming, raging at him, begging him to love me, to always love me, but outwardly, I sat there, hands folded in my lap. I deserved to be treated like this My own actions called for my banishment, but the pain still hurt.

"Was it really that bad?" He finally ended the silence, shifting his eyes up from the table. Locking on mine, I flinched, seeing the hurt I had caused. "Bella, look at me."

"I can't," I muttered, swallowing the bile rising in my throat.

"I wanted the best for you," he went on. "All those hours I spent working, I did that for you."

Lifting my eyes to his, I sighed. "I needed my father to protect me."

"From what?" he pleaded. "You're a good girl, Bella."

I flinched again. He didn't know me at all.

"Bella, talk to me." Reaching over, my father grabbed my hand. I looked up at him, pulling my hand away from him.

"You want to talk now?" I groused. "I'm for leaving for school, and you pick now to have a heart to heart. You've been ignoring me for the better part of the summer, Dad!"

It was his turn to flinch, slinking back into his seat. "You're right," he admitted. "I didn't know what to say. But, sweetheart, I did the best I could. After your mom-"

"Don't talk about her!" I screamed, throwing my chair back as I stood up. "She's a bitch, and a whore. I'm nothing like her!"

I lied. I was my mother's daughter.

"I never said you were," he gasped, scrambling to his feet.

Reaching out he grabbed my arms, trying to pull me into his arms, but I pushed him away, scrambling out of the kitchen. Picking up my bags, I ran outside, trying to get as far away as I could. The truth slapped me in the face with every tear that traveled down my face. I was worse than my mother.

"Bella, stop," called Charlie, rushing after me. Grabbing my arm once again, he spun me around to face him.

"I needed you, Daddy!" I raged, pushing him off of me. "Instead of protecting me, you left me alone."

"Protect you from what?" he begged. "Tell me what has been going on with you, Bella. All goddamn summer, you've been acting crazy."

"Just another crazy bitch," I snarled, turning away from him. Knowing my words would hurt him, I found myself wanting him to feel half the pain I felt. "You stopped being my father when you put your career ahead of me. You left me, just like she did."

Stumbling back, Charlie's face twisted with pain, and grief. Part of me wanted to reach out and beg him to forgive me, to hold me like he would when I was a little girl, but I didn't. Instead, we stood in the misty rain, staring at each other, both trying to comprehend the lashing words I'd just spoken. Bringing his hand up to cover his mouth, his shoulders shook, a muffled sob echoing around us, but still I couldn't reach out to him. My shame and guilt weighed heavily on me.

"I did the best I could," he mumbled, taking two steps back.

"I guess your best wasn't good enough," I muttered, picking my bags back up off the ground, and turning away. "But then, I'm not a good daughter, either, am I?"

Without giving him the chance to reply, I walked over to his car, tossing my bags into the backseat, before climbing into the passenger seat. Defeated, Charlie stalked over to the car, climbing in beside me. Reaching his hand over, he quickly pulled back, before starting the car, and pulling out of the driveway. Biting on my bottom lip, I looked back as the house I had grown up in, faded away into nothing. I missed it already.

Charlie drove us through Forks, heading onto the highway that would take us Seattle. I had always imagined when I left for college, that I would be crying, and I was, but I wanted my tears to be tears of happiness, not grief. Feeling the knot forming deep in my gut, I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them, and watched the world pass me by, one tree at a time.

Just over three hours later, my father pulled up in front of the airport. Shutting off the engine, he climbed out, pulling my bags out of the back seat. Climbing out of the car, I followed him inside, heading up to the counter to check in for my flight. Checking my luggage, I stopped outside of the security check in and looked up at Charlie.

"Maybe I wasn't the best father, Bella, but I thought I did okay. You made good grades, worked hard for a better life than what I could give you." Running his hand over his face, he sighed. "All I want is for you to be happy."

"I want to be happy, too," I muttered, wrapping my arms around my body. "Everything's different now, though, and that's my fault. I was weak, and stupid."

"Why won't you tell me what you are talking about?" he pressed. "I can't help you, if you don't talk to me."

"Maybe I don't want help anymore," I muttered, wiping the tears off my face. "I just want my daddy back, but I guess it's too late."

"I'm still here," he whispered, reaching out and pulling me against his chest. Sliding my arms around his waist, I hugged him for the first time in months. "I'll always be here."

"I hope so, Daddy," I cried. "I really hope so."

Leaning up, I kissed his cheek, before making my way through the security gates, and heading down to my terminal. However, I was only halfway there when I saw Alice standing with Esme, Edward, and Emmett. Looking up at me, she smiled. My legs wobbled as I stood frozen, unsure what to say to her. I missed her, but could I ever go back to being her friend knowing what I was doing to her family?

"Bella, dear, are you ready for school?" asked Esme, wrapping her arms around me. I had once felt a mother's hug when she held me, but now I saw her in a new light. Gone was the woman who once made me feel welcome, and in her place was the woman standing between me and Carlisle. I hated her. I hated myself.

"I guess so," I mumbled, leaving my arms hanging at my side. My eyes were locked on Alice's.

Esme pulled back with a heavy sigh, moving over to her daughter. "We'll give you a few minutes."

"Okay, Mom," replied Alice.

"Boys," ordered Esme, gesturing to Emmett and Edward.

"See ya, Swan," snickered Emmett. "Don't go all crazy at Yale. Wouldn't want the nerds losing focus."

"Then we couldn't find the cure for stupid, and you'd be in deep shit, wouldn't you?" I quipped. Alice's lips twitched. Emmett's bellowing laugh followed him as he chased after Esme, drawing everyone's attention onto him.

Edward shook his head. "Good one, Bella," he chuckled, looking over at me. "See you around sometime."

I simply nodded my head, unsure what else to say. Edward, refusing to stay in Washington, had been granted a full scholarship to NYU, which he readily accepted. Alice would be joining Emmett at UW, along with more than half our graduating class. Wrapping my arms around my body, I watched Edward take off after his mother and Emmett, leaving me and Alice standing there, staring at each other. There were so many words I wanted to say, but none of them were right.

"Are you nervous?" she wondered.

I nodded. "More like terrified."

"Me too," she admitted, looking at the floor.

"You'll have Emmett to drive you crazy," I muttered.

"Yeah, because I'm sure he's going to want his little sister following him around everywhere." she scoffed. She had a point, Emmett was more concerned about his image as a ladies man, to care about much else. Lifting her eyes up to mine, she said, "I'd rather you be with me." Closing my eyes, I wrapped my arms around my body, unsure of how to respond to her. "I miss you, Bella. I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything," I muttered, opening my eyes. "It was all me. I fucked everything up so bad, and, now, it's too late. I can't stop."

"Stop what?" she pleaded with me. "I don't understand."

"I know you don't," I grumbled. "Did you sleep with Matt?"

She hesitated, and I knew. "Yes." I nodded, wanting to hate her for using him to get back at me, but I couldn't. Not when I was tearing apart her family. "I'm sorry, Bella. I knew you liked him, and I did it anyway."

"Don't worry about it, Alice." I waved her off. "I never wanted Matt, not like that anyway. He deserved better than to be used, though."

"I know," she mumbled.

"Now boarding flight 342 to New York," announced one of the flight attendants.

Alice sighed, "Guess I had better go see Edward off." I nodded. "Is this the end to our friendship, Bell?"

"I don't want it to be," I whimpered. She stepped toward me, stopping when I put my hand up. "Things are different now, Ali, and...you shouldn't want me as a friend anymore."

"But I do," she cried, rushing up to me and throwing her arms around me. I willed my arms to wrap themselves around her, but they hung limply at my side. Pulling back, she wiped the tears off her face. "I don't know what you think you did to make me not want to be your best friend, Bella, but I will always be right here."

"Ali," I choked out, covering my mouth. "Just be happy, okay. That's all I want."

Covering my mouth with my hand, I brushed past her, leaving her with tears traveling down her face. I ran into the ladies room, locking myself in one of the stalls, and, once again, let my tears of sorrow and grief travel down my face. I wanted to chase after her, beg her to always love me, but I didn't. I couldn't, not knowing that I had torn apart her family with my affair with her father. There was a special place in hell for whores like me.

Someone knocked on my stall door. "Miss, are you okay?"

"I'm...fine," I tried to assure her, but even I couldn't sell that bullshit to anyone.

"Are you sure?" she worried. "You've been in there for awhile."

"I'm fine, goddamn it," I snarled, throwing open the stall door. The woman, easily in her mid-thirties, stumbled back. "Just leave me the fuck alone."

"Bitch," she muttered, walking out of the bathroom.

I cleaned myself up, trying my hardest to keep the tears away. I wanted to blame Charlie and Alice for making me such an emotional mess, but the truth was, I didn't want to leave. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Carlisle, even though he vowed we'd find a way to be together. Tossing my paper towel in the garbage, I walked out of the bathroom only to find two security guards waiting for me.

"Isabella Swan?" the first guard asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Yes," I mumbled.

"Please come with us," the second guard requested, grabbing the top of my arm and dragging me behind the other one.

I wanted to question them, but I didn't. I was too scared to ask. They pulled me through the airport, drawing questionable glances from everyone waiting for their flights. I could only imagine what they were thinking; look at the girl, she must have done something really bad to get this kind of treatment. Perhaps they were right.

Expecting them to drag me off into one of the interrogation rooms, I was shocked when they lead me straight out of the airport. I was even more shocked to find Carlisle leaning against the side of his car, arms folded in front of him and feet crossed at the ankles. He looked up at me, a playful smirk resting over his lips.

"Got her before she could board her flight," explained one of the guards, thrusting me at him. "Are you sure this little thing ran away from home?"

"Yes, sir," replied Carlisle, sounding so sincere, I almost believed him. "Her father's been frantic. Just lucky we found her before she did something really stupid."

Turning to me, the guards, shook their head before heading back inside. Carlisle made a show of opening the door to his car for me, and forcing me inside. Leaving me feeling flabbergasted, he rushed around to the driver's seat, and took off away from the airport.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled, looking back at the airport. "I'm gonna miss my flight."

"I'm driving you to Yale." Looking over at me, he smiled. "You don't mind a few more days with me, do you?"

"No, but what about my bags?" I huffed.

"In the trunk," he laughed, turning onto the highway. I stared at him with my mouth wide open. "Are you mad?"

"A little bit," I admitted, but smiled. Leaning over, I kissed his cheek. "But I can let it go for a few more days with you."

Laughing softly, he reached over, taking my hand. I laid my head on his shoulder as he pulled onto I-80, relishing in the feeling of him holding me for at least a few more days.

**Before you all start yelling at me about the delay in updates, let me explain. I've had half this chapter written for a week, but the other half would not come. I went back to it everyday, and found myself staring at my words, trying my hardest to get the voices to speak to me. So I apologize for the delay, but I would rather turn out what I feel is a good chapter, than update with a half asses effort. I hope you'll understand where I am coming from.**


	6. Chapter 6

Leaning against Carlisle, I kicked off my flip flops and propped my feet up on the door. He'd slung his arm around me, letting his hand rest just under my breast. His fingers rubbing against the underside of my flesh. For the first time in the three months since we'd started our affair, I didn't feel like we were hiding our love from everyone. To anyone who drove past us, we looked like just any other couple on a cross-country trip. Of course, we weren't. No matter how much I wanted it to change, the facts were clear. Carlisle was married with three kids and I'd whored my way into his bed.

Carlisle leaned down and pressed his lips onto the top of my head. I smiled. "What was that for?"

"Do I need a reason to kiss the woman I love?" he countered.

Placing my feet on the floorboard, I sat up and turned toward him. "Do you really see me as a woman?"

"Um, yeah," he laughed. Nodding, I shifted back in my seat. "What'd I say wrong?"

"Nothing," I murmured, shrugging my shoulders.

Sighing, Carlisle pulled over on the shoulder, shifting into park. Unbuckling his seat beat, he turned to face me. "Talk to me, Bella."

"It's really nothing," I insisted.

"Baby, if you don't tell me what you are thinking right now, I'm gonna be forced to torture it out of you." He smirked, placing his fingers on the seat between us.

Nibbling on my bottom lip, I shook my head and scooted as far away from him as I could. Which seeing as we were in the front seat of his Mercedes, wasn't very far. Growling, he began to inch his fingers toward me until he reached my thigh. My breath hitched. Keeping his eyes locked on mine, he slipped his fingers under my the hem on my skirt, sliding them up my legs.

"Carlisle," I whimpered when they came into contact with my panties.

"Tell me." Slipping one finger inside, he brushed across my wet folds.

My head fell back against the window. My chest heaving heavily. "Car-Carlisle, I..."

"Baby, tell me," he whispered, adding another finger inside my panties. My legs spread further apart, begging him for more. "Tell me."

"Please, Carlisle," I pleaded, lifting my hips toward him.

"Tell me, Bella," he ordered, plunging his fingers inside of me.

"Nobodies ever called me a woman before," I nearly screamed. "Oh, God, baby, please don't stop."

Curving his palm upward, he reached over and wrapped his arm around me, moving me so that I straddled his lap. Moving my hips back and forth, I ground my self on his fingers, needing to feel more. Leaning my forehead on his, I reached between us, fumbling with his belt. Carlisle moaned as I slipped his hard cock out, stroking him slowly.

Pushing up, I positioned him at my opening. Carlisle pulled his fingers out of me, moving my panties out of the way before grabbing my hip as he thrust up, filling me completely.

"Fuck," he hissed, his head falling back on to the headrest. "Baby, how do you always feel so fucking good."

"I don't know," I moaned, throwing up hand up onto his driver side window and one up to the rear-view mirror. Lifting up, I slid back down slowly. "Oh, fuck me, Carlisle."

"With pleasure," he growled, gripping both my hips.

Keeping me still, he began thrusting his hips up, starting at a slow pace before moving harder and faster. The car had to have been rocking. The only noise came from our bodies slapping together, the hushed moans, and whispered curses falling from our lips. Moving one of his hands from my hip, he yanked the top of my shirt down, exposing my breast to him.

He snapped his eyes up to mine. "You're not wearing a fucking bra."

"Nope." I winked at him, tangling my fingers in his hair and pulling his head back. "They just get in the way, don't you think, lover?"

"Fuck, Bella," he groaned.

"Yes, baby, fuck me," I purred, unsure what had come over me. I felt in control, like I was calling the shots right now. "Make me cum, baby. Please, make me cum for you."

"Only for me," he grunted, slamming his hips up into me. "You hear me, baby. Only. For. Me."

"Yes, only you." I was close, so fucking close. "More, I need more!"

Leaning forward, Carlisle sucked one of my nipples into his mouth, biting down. The mixture of pain and pleasure sent me over the edge. My walls clenched down on him and it took everything in me not to scream so loud, I'd break the windows.

"Fuck," he roared, slamming his hips upward one last time. Collapsing against him, I struggled to regain my strength. Carlisle brought his hands up to my face, tilting my head back to look at him. "I love you, Bella. You're the only woman for me."

I wanted to believe him. God, I really wanted to believe him, but the facts were still the same. He had a wife and I was the other woman. My lips parted and the words tumbled out of my mouth effortlessly, "I love you, too."

"We'd better get back onto the road before a cop pulls up and asks what we're doing. I don't think either of us want to explain that to him." He laughed, but I could hear the nerves in his words.

Sliding off of him, I fixed my panties while he tucked himself back inside his pants. He waited until I'd taken my spot next to him again, before shifting into drive and pulling back onto the road. Tugging my sunglasses over my eyes, I tried to just focus on the now, and not worry about what would happen later.

OoOoOo

A few hours later, Carlisle pulled into the parking lot of a small diner. I hadn't really been paying too much attention, but I knew we'd crossed over the Idaho state line. Shifting over into the passenger seat, I pulled my sunglasses up on top of my head and looked around. The place didn't seem to have much to offer.

"I'm hungry," Carlisle announced, pulling my attention over to him. "Since I can't eat you, guess I'll have to settle for some real food."

Smirking, I slipped my feet back into my sandals and opened my car door. "Who said you couldn't eat me, baby?"

Carlisle let out a mix between a growl and groan. I laughed and climbed out, stretching my arms over my head. In a heartbeat, he was behind me, pressing the front of my body against the side of the car. His erection pressing into the small of my back. Lowering his lips down to the curve of my neck, he nipped at my skin.

"Baby, don't tease me." My knees weakened with the sheer authority in his words.

"I'm not," I lied, knowing my attempt was feebly.

"I hope not," he murmured, bringing his lips to my ear. Slipping his arm around my waist, he spun me around to face him. His eyes were dark, laden with lust and want. Carlisle needed me almost as much as I needed him. Almost. "You're going to get me into all kinds of trouble, baby."

"I already have," I whispered.

He didn't disagree with me. Instead, he tightened his arm around me and led me into the small dinner. A jukebox sat on the far wall, playing some sad country song about losing your dog, your bible, and your wife; in that order. A handful of built-in stools lined up in front of the counter, another ten booths lined up against the walls.

"You can have a seat wherever," said an older woman with fiery red hair wrapped up into a bun. She had a pair of bifocals resting on the tip of her nose. She shifted her eyes from me to Carlisle, noticing his arm wrapped around me.

"Thanks." Carlisle smiled at her before we headed toward a booth in the back. I slide into one side, scooting over so that he could sit next to me. He placed his arm on the back, angling his body toward mine. The woman slapped two menus in front of us, pulling an order pad our of her apron. "What can I get you to drink?"

"Ice tea, please."

She nodded and looked over at Carlisle. "How about for you?"

"The same." Spinning on her heel, she turned and walked away from us. Her unfriendly demeanor didn't go unnoticed by either of us. Carlisle picked up one of the menus, scanning over it. "There is a lot of fried food on here."

"What were you expecting?" I laughed. "Lobster?"

"No," he scoffed, the corners of his mouth turning upward. "Just maybe something that wouldn't clog up my arteries."

"Ah, baby, don't worry about it. I'll help you work it off later," I purred, leaning in and brushing my lips across his. Carlisle moaned, dropping his arm down and wrapping it around me. Before he could deepen it anymore, our waitress cleared her throat. My cheeks heated and I slid away from him.

"Here you go," she clipped, placing our drinks in front of us. It also didn't go unnoticed how she practically slammed them down on the table, sending them spilling over the edges. "Do you know what you want to eat? The kitchen closes soon."  
"Baby, do you know?" Carlisle turned to me. The moment he called me baby, our waitress clamped her lips closed.

"Um, I'll take a burger and fries," I muttered, dropping my eyes down to my lap.

"Same for me." Carlisle grabbed both our menus and shoved them into her hands. "And we'll take them to go, please."

"Yes...sir," she gritted out before leaving us.

"What a bitch," he muttered, turning toward me. He reached for my hand, but I pulled it away. "Bella?"

"We're fools." I shook my head, dislodging a few tears. "What'd we think? That nobody would care if we behaved like this?"

"Behaved like what?" he asked.

Sighing, I looked up at him. "Like the age difference didn't matter," I explained. "Did you see how she looked at me? At you?"

"So what?" He shrugged his shoulders. "Baby, I don't give a fuck if people don't like us together. I love you, and I won't let you go."

"Yeah?" I challenged. He nodded his head. "Have you told Esme that you're fucking me?" He flinched. "That's what I thought."

"You know I can't tell her. Not yet at least. Once I have the divorce papers drawn up and she's signed, then we don't have to hide from her, or anyone."

"Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself?" I groused, crossing my arms in front of me.

"Both of us," he mumbled. Bringing his hand up to my face, he brushed his fingers across my cheek. "Look, I know it's not going to be easy, but I can't stop being with you. When I'm not with you, I feel like the world is going to end. It's not right for me to want you like this, but, goddamn it, I do."

"I want you, too, baby, but we're going to hurt a lot of people," I whispered. "Are you prepared to lose your family because of me?"

"I hope it doesn't come to that, but...yes." He pressed his lips against mine. "Bella, you're everything to me."

Leaning into his hand, I closed my eyes. I wanted so much to believe him, but I wasn't stupid. When our affair became public, we'd both be crucified. Me for tearing apart his happy family, and him for corrupting my innocent youth. Of course, I wasn't innocent. I'd seduced him into wanting me, lured him into my web.

"Why?" I heard myself asking before I could stop them from tumbling between my lips. "Why do you love me so much?"

"Because when I am with you, I feel alive," he murmured, brushing his lips across my cheek. "I smile with you, I laugh. I don't feel like I have to be someone I'm not."

"Who aren't you?"

"Esme's husband. My children's father." Carlisle shook his head. "I guess that doesn't make much sense."

"It does," I said, placing my hand over his heart. "Living in someone's shadow is never easy."

"Whose shadow do you live in?" he asked.

My mother's face popped into my head. I shuddered. "Nobodies," I lied.

Our waitress walked up to our table, dropping the white plastic bag on the end. "Here."

"Thanks," grumbled Carlisle, sliding out of the booth. Pulling his wallet out of his back pocket, he dug out a twenty, dropping it on the table. "Keep the change."

"Gee, thanks," she snipped, swiping it off of the table. Shifting her eyes over to me, she added, "What would your daddy think?"

Tears flooded my eyes, I scrambled out of the booth, sizing her up. "He'd probably call me a whore, refusing to ever talk to me again," I spat. She started to smirk. "But then, maybe he never paid me any attention, anyway. Not like I'd be losing out on much." Reaching behind me, I grabbed our food. "Come on, baby. I'm fucking starving."

She gasped, but didn't utter another sound. Carlisle turned to follow me out, palming my ass on the way. I giggled, even if I was reeling inside. The mention of my father caused guilt to soar through my again. For the handful of hours that Carlisle and I had spent locked away in his car, I'd been able to push away the pain I'd felt for being a horrible daughter. Things would never be the same for us, I knew this now.

Carlisle opened the car door for me, nestled me against his chest, brushing his lips against mine. "I'm sorry about Charlie."

"It doesn't matter," I whispered, placing my hand on his chest. "I can't change what I've done, and neither can you. We're in this together, right?"

"You can't get rid of me, baby." His words sent a chill through me. "Ever."

Kissing him once more, I slid into the car, letting him shut the door behind me. He ran around to the driver's side, climbing in. As we pulled out of the parking lot, I noticed the waitress peering out of the front window, the phone pressed against her ear. Carlisle reached over, taking my hand in his, and laying them on his thigh.

He drove through town, pulling up in front of a Best Western. Tossing me a sly wink, he climbed out of the car, coming around to help me out. I blushed, placing my hand in his, allowing him to help me out. He tucked me into his arms as we walked inside. The clerk, a young kid barely older than me, looked up. He barely managed to stop his jaw from hitting the ground.

"Hello, how may I help you?" he asked, openly ogling me.

"My wife and I would like a room." Struggling to keep the shock off my face, I chanced a look up at Carlisle, who stared the boy down. A sexy smirk spread across his lips.

"Your wife?" The boy rolled his eyes, but started tapping the keys on his computer. "Well, I have one room left. I guess it's yours."

"Excellent," Carlisle boasted, digging his wallet out of his pocket. He slapped down a credit card. "If you can hurry, we're exhausted. Long trip."

"Of course," he picked up the card, "Mr. Cullen. How many nights are you needing?"

"It's Dr. Cullen, and one would be just perfect." .

The boy nodded, and handed Carlisle a form to fill out. While he got us a room, I leaned against the counter watching him. He had an air of confidence that, to anyone other than me, would seem like arrogance. He hid behind his insecurities. Esme had ripped his soul apart, all in an effort to achieve her place in high society. She didn't deserve him.

Neither did I.

Carlisle looked down at me, his smile growing wider. "You ready, baby?"

"Hmm," I hummed, nodding.

While Carlisle grabbed our luggage, I got our food. Following him back into the hotel, we rode the elevator up to the third floor. Stopping outside of room 304, he unlocked the door, motioning for me to head inside. Nibbling on my lip, I stepped into the room, setting the food on the small table just inside.

Carlisle closed the door behind me, leaning our luggage against he wall. Wrapping his arms around me, he lowered his lips down to my ear. "Why don't you shower, and then we'll eat."

"Shower with me?"

"Not this time," he groaned, sucking on my ear lobe. "We'll never make it out if I do."

"And that would be a bad thing?" I cooed, turning in his arms. Placing my hands on his chest, I lifted my eyes up to his.

"Bella," he growled, the warning in his voice came off clear, "go shower. Then we'll eat. Don't worry, baby, I've got plans for you."

Shivering against him, I let my hand slide against his chest as I walked past him, sashaying my hips when I walked into the bathroom, leaving the door ajar in case he changed his mind. I was being mean, teasing him. He loved me for it, we both knew our relationship was built on our sexual chemistry. No point trying to deny it.

Stripping off my clothes, I climbed in under the hot water, letting it beat down on my muscles. Leaning my head back, I wet my hair, grabbing the small bottle of shampoo the hotel provided and washing my hair. Once I was done in the shower, I turned off the water, pulling the curtain back. Grabbing one of the white towels that sat on the shelves next to the shower, I died my body, before wrapping it around me. Stepping out, I found a pair of white cotton panties and one of Carlisle's dress shirts laying on the counter. A smile slipped over my lips. _My pervy old man._

Dropping the towel on the bathroom floor, I slipped the clothes on and took a deep breath, before walking out into our room. His shirt hung down to the middle of my thighs. I'd only buttoned three buttons, leaving very little to the imagination. Carlisle was propped up on the bed when I walked out. He turned to me, his eyes bugging out and his mouth falling open.

"Thanks for the clothes," I purred.

"Holy fuck," he moaned, crawling to the end of the bed and reaching out for me. He grabbed my hips, pulling me flush against him, his hand finding my ass. "You look fucking hot as hell, baby."

Lowering his lips down to the side of my neck, he pulled the side of my panties down. His erection pressed against me. "What about our food?"

"Later," he growled, laying me on the bed. "I need to work up an appetite."

Smirking, I reached between us, palming him through his jeans. "Me too, baby."

Laughing, he covered my mouth with his. For now, we'd live in our bubble. At least for now.

**First, I want to say thank you for being so patient with me on this story. I wish I could guarantee that I'd be able to post on a regular schedule, but I can't promise anything. This update goes to Mina Rivera, who gave a delicious not so little one-shot to the Christmas Wishes Toys for Tots Compilation. It's not too late to donate! http(:)/christmaswishescompilation(.)blogspot(.)com/**


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Innocence

Author Name: Butterfly Betty

Rating: MA/NC-17

Word Count: 2875

Pairing: Bella/Carlisle

Banner Made By: Mina Rivera

Summary/Disclaimer  
When you find yourself needing, who you know you shouldn't want, do you turn away from him or embrace him? AH & MA. WARNING: contains infidelity

The first thing I felt when I woke up the next morning was Carlisle's lips trailing down my spine. The sensation of his mouth tasting my skin had me skirting along the edge of ecstasy. Arching into his touch, I moaned. Carlisle had my body tingling with desire, panting with need, and yearning for more. He'd turned me into his wanton whore, a plaything for him to do as he wished.

"Baby," he purred, nipping at the curvature of my ass. The scruff along his jaw tickled my skin. "Wake up."

"No," I moaned. "I'm having the best dream and I don't want it to end."

"What about?" he chuckled, pulling my legs apart and laying with his head resting on my butt.

His hands roamed up my legs, inching their way toward where I wanted him the most. I tried to shift my body, a futile effort since Carlisle had me pinned against the mattress. Just as he'd said the night before, he needed to work up an appetite, which we certainly did do. Several times in fact. By the time we got around to eating our food, it was cold; not that either of us really cared. We were too wrapped up in each other, giving into our neediest desires, to worry about something as trivial as food. Our forbidden love fueled our passion.

"There is this incredibly sexy man who has me feeling things I never thought I'd feel," I murmured. Carlisle ran his fingers just outside of my pussy, toying with me. I squirmed, desperate for more, but getting nothing. "Damn it, please!"

"What feelings?" he whispered, pulling his hand away. I whined, frustrated by his refusal to give me more. "Tell me what feelings this dirty, old man has you feeling, baby, and I'll give you whatever you want."

"He makes me feel everything," I groaned. "His fingers leave my skin burning; his lips have me trembling for more. He tells me I'm beautiful and sexy, gives me the courage to let my inner woman out and not be afraid of people judging me all the time."

"I do all that, baby?" he asked, the teasing tone gone from his voice. He shifted up, resting his body down on mine. His erection was nestled against my ass.

"And more," I murmured, the seriousness of our conversation suddenly felt overwhelming. "You don't treat me like a child, Carlisle. You think of me as a woman. Everyone else just treats me like I am five and . . ." I trailed off. Once again, the guilt for betraying my father's trust washed over me. He'd never understand my relationship with Carlisle — no matter how much I wanted him to.

"You're not a child," he whispered, slipping his hand between us, resting between my breasts. "Especially not here inside your heart, baby. You're an amazing woman. I love you."

"I love you, too." Rolling so that I faced him, I laid my palm on his cheek, searching his eyes for any sign that he was just lying to me. I found nothing but truth reflected back at me. "I don't deserve you."

"You deserve better than me." Carlisle sighed, resting his head against my breast. I raked my fingers through his hair, unsure of how to respond. "One day, you're going to wake up and ask yourself why you're wasting your time with an asshole like me. I don't know what I'll do when that happens, baby. You're everything to me."

"That won't happen," I said, shivering from the intensity of his words.

Carlisle shook his head and looked up at me. His normal icy-blue eyes were dark, filled with so many emotions: fear, lust, longing, need, and so many more than I'd ever seen before. He inhaled a sharp breath, his arms tightening against my sides. "No, it won't, because I'm never letting you go — even if you want me to. You're mine, baby, only mine."

Before I could as much as take a breath, Carlisle kissed me, demanding that my lips surrender to his. Like any part of my body or soul could deny him anything. I was his slave, unable to refuse even the simplest of requests. My body thrived to be under his, to have his hands roam over my tender flesh, and feel the way his cock felt inside of me. How was I going to make it three months without him, when the thought of going a single heartbeat crushed me?

"Fuck, baby, you make me so goddamn hard," he grunted, grinding his erection into my hip. "Roll over."

Without questioning him, I rolled back onto my stomach, sliding my arms up under my pillow. I felt the bed shift and looked over my shoulder. Carlisle was standing in front of his suitcase, completely naked. Smirking, he turned back to me, holding a bottle of lube and a roll of condoms. I sat up, feeling my eyes fly open. Seeing as I'd been on the pill since I was fifteen and started having debilitating menstrual cramps, I knew those could only mean one thing: Carlisle wanted to fuck my ass.

"Relax, baby," he said, crawling back on the bed toward me. Placing his hand on my shoulder, he pushed me back against the pillows. "You'll like it."

"Um, I don't know about that," I muttered, sucking my bottom lip in between my teeth.

Carlisle sighed, sitting back on his feet. "So far have I done anything that's hurt you?"

"Well, no, but . . ."

"Don't you trust me?" he asked, interrupting me.

"Of course I do, but . . ."

"Then believe me when I tell you that you're going to love this," he replied, once again cutting me off in mid-sentence. Letting the lube and condoms drop onto the mattress, Carlisle reached out and grabbed my legs, pulling me back down on the bed. "Now, roll the fuck over."

Doing as he told me, I turned back onto my stomach. My heart was racing when I felt his hands on the back of my legs. Carlisle pulled on my hips, tucking my knees up under me so that my ass was on full display for him. Sure I'd enjoyed the few times when he'd press the tip of his finger into me, but his cock was much bigger and thicker than his index finger. However, as scared and nervous as I was I couldn't bring myself to tell him no. I was weak.

"You look so beautiful like this," he cooed, running his finger over the outside of my pussy. "You're already so wet. Is that for me, baby?"

"Yes," I whispered, surprising myself with the tremor lacing the single word.

Carlisle chuckled, pushing his finger into me. While he worked that digit in and out of my pussy, I heard him opening the bottle of lube just before the he drizzled some on me. Using his other hand, he coated my entrance thoroughly before he began to press the tip of his finger inside. I tensed, a whimper tumbling from between my lips.

"Baby, relax," he purred, bending over me but keeping his fingers where they were. "I am not going to hurt you — not now, not ever."

"I — I know." I pushed my hand up against the headboard of the bed. "Just go slow, okay?"

"I promise."

My heart was hammering against my ribs when he leaned away and began moving his fingers once again. Carlisle did as I asked and moved gradually. Just when I felt my body adjust to one finger, he pushed a second one inside, then a third. My hand had dropped from the headboard, my nails digging into the pillow like my life was on the line. Suddenly, Carlisle removed his fingers from inside of me altogether. I looked over my shoulder and watched while he rolled one of the condoms on, coating it with more lube. Shifting his gaze to mine, he smiled and placed one hand on my hip. The other was gripping the base of his cock.

"Take a deep breath for me, baby," he said, pressing the tip against my entrance. Once again, I did as he told me. Carlisle began to push his cock inside of me, slowly inching his way into my ass. The mixture of pressure and pain had me tearing up, but I did my best not to let him see. "Fuck, you're so tight," he groaned. With one more push, Carlisle filled me entirely "You feel so good wrapped around me like this, Bella. Fucking fantastic."

I couldn't speak; the words were stuck in my throat. Resting my forehead against my pillow, I allowed my tears to fall while he used slow and gentle strokes. His hips pressed flush against my tender flesh with every thrust. Kneading the skin around my hips, he found his pace, steady but not too demanding. He panted, my name falling from his lips in little grunts and murmurs of how good my ass felt nestled around him.

Carlisle slid his hand up and grabbed my hair, pulling my head back. "See how you're mine, baby? Your body belongs to me — just me. I can do anything I want to you, can't I?" When I didn't respond to him, Carlisle gave my hair a hard yank. "Can't I?"

"YES!" I cried, knowing it was true. He'd turned me into his whore, his little slut, and I was powerless to stop him. Not that I wanted to. No, Carlisle owned my body and soul.

"That's right, baby," he growled, his pace picking up. His hips were slamming into me, all concept of taking it easy on my first time were gone. I tried not to let the whimpers slip out of my mouth, but with each thrust, I found it harder and harder to do. Carlisle leaned forward, his hand leaving my hair to wrap around my waist and find my clit. Pressing down with the palm of his hand, he pressed his fingers back inside my pussy. "One day, I am going to take both your pussy and your ass at the same time. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Yes," I gasped, unsure if the simple words were a lie or not.

Carlisle chuckled, lowering his mouth to my shoulder. He sank his teeth into my skin, marking me as his. The mixture pain and pleasure from his bite, the feeling of his fingers manipulating me, and his cock sliding into my ass had me flying off the edge. My body shook, my climax shattering every nerve in my body. With a cry, I collapsed on the bed, unable to hold myself up anymore. Carlisle whispered something that I couldn't make out before I slipped under the darkness.

"Bella, baby, wake up," Carlisle murmured. I felt a cool rag being laid across my forehead, but I struggled to open my eyes. My body felt like goo. "I need to see your eyes, baby. Come on, wake up."

"Can't, having a good dream," I mumbled. Carlisle chuckled, brushing his lips across mine. I pried my eyes open, finding him lying next to me. He was still naked, as was I. Though what caught my attention was the fear filling his icy-blue eyes. "What happened?"

Shaking his head, he turned away from me. "Um, you passed out," he replied. "I — I went too far, I guess. I'm sorry."

"Hey, look at me," I said, rolling onto my side. Though reluctant, he shifted his attention back down to me. "You didn't go too far," I lied, not sure why the words trickled out of my mouth so easily. "I just wasn't prepared for how amazing it felt. That's all."

He sighed. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" I asked.

"Act like I'm this good guy or something," he grumbled, moving over and sitting on the side of the bed. He reached back, grabbing the sheet and wrapping it around his waist before he stood up. Huffing in frustration, Carlisle looked back at me. "I shouldn't be here with you. Rationally, I know this, but fuck, I can't stop this. I love you so much and you make me feel things I've never felt before."

"But it's wrong, right?" Sitting up, I pulled the comforter up to hide my nudity. "You and I, we're wrong together."

"I don't know anymore," he replied. Sitting back on the side of the bed, he placed his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. I moved up behind him, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms up under his arms, encircling his chest. He sighed, his fingers coming down to rest on my hands. "Why do you love me, baby?"

I smiled against his back. "Because when you look at me, you don't see me as Charlie's daughter, or Alice's best friend." Carlisle hummed, but didn't say anything else. "Or maybe you do, but you don't make me feel like that, anyway."

"I don't, but that doesn't tell me why you love me," he explained. "I'm practically a child molester."

Releasing a deep breath, I scooted away from him and climbed off the bed. I tried my hardest to keep my eyes turned away from him. He'd always see me as a child, no matter what lies he told.

"What'd I say?" he asked.

"Nothing," I murmured, once again hearing the lie flow out without struggle. "We should get on the road."

"Bella," he said, scrambling to his feet and grabbing my arm before I could take as much as a single step. "What did I say?"

"Nothing," I groused.

Carlisle placed his finger under my chin and titled my head back. "It's not nothing."

"You called me a child again," I whispered.

He flinched. "Goddamn it, I'm sorry, baby. It's just you're so young and I'm . . ."

"Old?" I giggled.

He growled playfully. "No, I'm older, but not old. Now, let's shower so we can hit the road. We've got a lot of miles to get through today and I have a feeling you're going to be a major distraction."

I giggled, though the thought of getting closer to Yale terrified me. Logically, I understood why Carlisle was insisting that I accept my scholarship, but my heart ached at the thought of one night without him. Nodding, I heard myself saying, "Okay."

An hour later, Carlisle and I had managed to shower, dress, and were waiting for the elevator to arrive so we could go down to the lobby, check out of the hotel, and start on the next leg of our journey. Though — to be honest — I wanted to stay here. At least while we were locked away inside the Best Western, we could just be two lovers, exploring each other's bodies. Outside of the hotel, we were taboo, going against what society told us was justified and right.

Unlike the night before, an older woman with short dark hair was standing behind the counter when we stepped off the elevator. One look at us had her scowling. Of course, I'm sure that was the fact that Carlisle had me tucked against his side, his hand resting dangerously close to my ass. He wasn't afraid of the world knowing I was his. I wish I had his confidence in our ability to fight against the haters.

"Checking out?" she asked, the hope in her words didn't go unnoticed by me.

"Yes," Carlisle offered, before sliding our room keys across the counter.

"I hope everything was satisfactory for you and your . . . wife," she added, shifting her eyes from him down to me.

"I kept her plenty satisfied, but I can't say the same for your room," Carlisle replied, causing the woman to snap her eyes back over to him. "Your beds are uncomfortable, and your showers weren't big enough for us to use, if you catch my drift."

The woman gasped, but Carlisle paid her little attention. He tightened his arm around my waist and led me out of the hotel, and into the parking lot. Parked at the entrance of the large lot was the local sheriff. Next to me, Carlisle tensed up, but didn't utter a word as he tossed our bags in the trunk and opened my door for me. With a swift pat on the ass, he shoved me inside and ran around to the driver's seat. He started the car and pulled out of the space, white pick-up truck followed us onto the highway. I expected him to turn on his lights, find some mundane reason why he needed to pull Carlisle over, but he never did. After a few miles, he turned off onto one of the small access roads and headed back into the small town we'd stayed the night in.

"Something tells me that we aren't welcome there anymore, baby," Carlisle muttered, reaching over and taking ahold of my hand.

I smiled. "Well, I guess we can cross them off our list of towns we'd ever consider living in then, right?"

Chuckling, Carlisle looked over at me. "I love you, Bella."

I scooted over and curling my body around his. "I love you, too."

**So, I wrote this chapter in honor of my beautiful and amazing friend Mina, who inspires me everyday. This was part of the Ovarian Cancer Compilation. I hope you enjoyed it.**

**Now, I know that I've been very slow with updating this, and all of my fics, lately, but I am working on them. On June 19th, I released my second book, A Season of Change, which is part of Summer Confections, Book Two of the Candy Collection, I had two sets of edits come in for my third book, Angel's Heart: The Keeper, which comes out on the 24th of July, and I started my fourth book, The Journey Home, which is due in just a few weeks. Yes, I am clinically insane, thanks for asking. You can find my first two books on Amazon, and soon to be Barnes & Noble. You can purchase the Anthology with all the stories, or just the ebook of mine. Here is the link to my Author's page on Amazon, w w w . amazon . c o m Lisa-Bilbrey / e / B0073U40XI or you can do a search for Lisa Bilbrey. Again, thank you for all your support. I can't express how much I appreciate each and every one of you.**


	8. Chapter 8

I couldn't do this. With each mile that we drove, the closer to Yale that we got, I knew I couldn't do this. Going to Yale would mean leaving Carlisle, and just the thought of not having him every day scared the shit out of me. A quick glance over at him told me that he was struggling with the same problem, though I knew better than to voice my doubts. Carlisle would just give me his most charming smile, and assure me that he'd figure it out. Somehow, we would manage to keep our relationship from falling apart. At least, that's what he would say.

We were fools for thinking we could have it all.

Three days after we left Seattle, Carlisle drove his car onto the campus of Yale University. My stomach clinched up in tight knots; this was it, the moment that would define who we were apart as well as together. I wasn't naïve; I knew that our relationship would be a struggle, no matter how much we wanted to believe otherwise. I was just too selfish to let him go. Like a true whore, I was craved him too much.

Parking in the lot surrounding my dorm, Carlisle turned off the engine, but just sat there, staring at the large, brownstone building.

"I don't have to stay," I murmured, causing him to look over at me. "We could just settle down in some small town in Iowa, spend the rest of our lives in lustful bliss."

"So tempting, baby, but you and I both know it's not that simple." Carlisle sighed and reached over for my hand. "Besides, I told you that I am not letting you throw away your future, not for me. We'll make this work."

"Who are you trying to convince?" I asked. "Me or you?"

"Both of us," he admitted. "Hopefully, by Christmas the divorce will be well under way and we won't have to hide anymore."

I shifted my attention out the window. "You make it sound easy. Everyone will hate me. Alice, Edward, and Emmett will blame me for tearing apart their family, and they won't be wrong. It will be my fault. I should just end this now, but I can't." I looked back at Carlisle. "I need you too damn much to give you up. How pathetic is that?"

"I need you, too," he insisted, bringing my hand up to his lips. "And my kids, they can fuck off if they can't handle you being in my life."

"How can you say that?" I asked. "They're your children, Carlisle."

"And you're my life," he said, sharply. "I won't let you get rid of me, Bella. Do you hear me? You're mine and mine alone." His tone sent a shiver through my spine. "Say it! Say you're mine!"

"I — I'm yours," I stammered.

Carlisle closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "I'll make this work. I won't let you go; not now, not ever."

"Okay," I whispered.

Taking a deep breath, Carlisle opened his eyes and smiled. "We'd better get you moved in. Then, we'll grab dinner. I can stay in town tonight, but then I need to head back before Esme gets suspicious. My lawyer said the papers wouldn't be ready for a couple more days and I don't want her to cause any problems between now and then."

With the understanding that tonight would be our last night together for a while, Carlisle and I climbed out of his car and grabbed the first of my bags from the trunk. The lobby of the dorms was swamped with people, but we managed to make it to the front desk so I could check in and get the key to my room. Once that was taken care of, Carlisle and I trekked up the three flights of stairs in Farnam Hall and down to my room. The door was already wide open and a tall, curvy blonde was sitting at her desk with a very expensive laptop in front of her. She looked up at me, letting her sea-blue eyes drag down my body, and frowning at my simple black tee and blue jeans before she smiled and stood up.

"You must be Isabella Swan," she purred, offering me her hand.

"It's just Bella," I muttered. "You're Rosalie Hale?"

"I am," she sang. "But you can call me Rose." Turning her back to me, she gestured to our room. "I took the left side, hope that's okay."

"Perfect," I groused, crossing over and placing the two bags I was carrying on my bed. Carlisle followed me in and set his on the floor.

"Oh, you must be Bella's father." Turning, I nearly choked on my tongue when Rose held her hand out to Carlisle. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Swan."

I opened my mouth to set her straight, but before I could, Carlisle wrapped his fingers around hers and said, "You too, Ms. Hale. I hope that I can count on you to keep my Bella safe here. I'm not sure I'm ready to allow her to leave me. She's very important to me."

Rose dazzled him with a charming smile. "Of course I will, Mr. Swan."

"Excellent. I'll sleep much better knowing that someone is here to take care of her for me," Carlisle cooed and I wanted to throw up. He was flirting with her right in front of her.

"Gee, _Dad_," I muttered, "maybe we should go the rest of my shit from the car."

Glaring at him, I pushed past him and walked out of my room, leaving him there to flirt with Rose. I was an idiot, a goddamn idiot to think that I'd be enough for him. The minute he found a sexier, hotter woman, he'd dump me like the whore I was. Trying to keep my tears from falling, I ran downstairs and out to his Mercedes.

"Bella, what the fuck is your problem?" Carlisle demanded when he caught up to me. I refused to look at him; my humiliation was dripping down my cheeks. "Isabella, fucking look at me."

"No," I cried. Though, Carlisle refused to take no for an answer and he gripped my chin between his fingers and forced my head back.

The moment he saw my tears, his expression softened. "Baby, what did I do?"

"Nothing," I muttered, sniffing back my tears.

"Don't fucking lie to me, Bella," he gritted. "Tell me what I did."

"Y — you flirted with her," I mumbled, feeling and sounding like an idiot.

"What?" he laughed.

"It's not funny," I growled. "You tried to charm her, just like you did with me. Maybe you should just go use her like you did me."

The amused expression on his face dropped and Carlisle leaned toward me. For a moment, I was afraid of what he would do to me. "Me being nice to that girl is not flirting, Isabella." Carlisle was so close that I could feel the warmth of his breath wafting across my face. "You're the only woman I want near me. I yearn to feel you writhing under me, to watch you suck my cock, and to taste your pussy. You, baby, just you. Don't ever accuse me of using you again. Do you understand me?" I could feel my body trembling. Carlisle grabbed my arms and slammed me against the side of the car. "Do you fucking understand me?"

"Yes!" I whimpered. "Yes."

Releasing his hold on me, Carlisle stepped back and took a deep breath. "Now that we have that settled, let's get the last of your shit, as you put it. I'm starving and I'd like to fuck you at least once more before I have to leave."

—INN—

Carlisle and I managed to get the rest of my belongings into my room without fighting anymore. Rose was nice enough, I suppose. She offered to help me unpack, but Carlisle laughed and declined, stating that we had a few errands to run and that he was going to take advantage of his last night with me. _If she only understood what that meant_, I thought to myself. Bidding Rose goodbye, Carlisle and I headed back down to his car.

His shoulders were tense as he drove us through New Haven, and I felt guilty for upsetting him. Carlisle loved me, I knew this. I expected him to drive us to some fast-food joint so we could grab a quick dinner before we headed to his hotel for the night, but instead, Carlisle parked in front of an expensive looking electronic store. He climbed out before I could ask him what we were doing there so I scrambled after him. By the time, I caught up to him; he was looking at a very pricy laptop.

"Carlisle, why are we here?" I asked.

He smirked and looked down at me. "I'm taking care of you, baby."

"What?" I gaped.

Carlisle laughed. "I'm taking care of you. You need the best laptop on the market if you're going to make it here at Yale."

"No," I snarled. "You can't buy me, Carlisle."

"Is that what you think I'm doing?" he hissed. "I don't need to buy you, Bella, because you're already mine. And maybe it's selfish of me to want to give you the best of everything, to make sure you have everything you need to succeed. Yeah, I'm a real bastard for giving you everything."

"I don't want those things," I whispered. "I just want you. Only you. Is that not enough?"

"No." He smiled. "Baby, please let me do this for you."

Shaking my head, I sighed. "What's Esme gonna think when she sees the receipts? How are you gonna explain to your wife about how you bought your mistress a laptop?"

"First of all, I don't explain anything I buy to her," he said, sharply. "It's my money and I'll do whatever the fuck I want with it. Secondly, you're not my mistress, baby. You're the love of my life. How many times am I going to have to tell you that you're all that matters to me? Just you."

"Carlisle," I whispered.

"Please, baby, please?" he begged and every bit of resolve I had faded away.

"Fine, but I don't like it."

Carlisle smirked. "I know, but you'll love your new toys."

By the time Carlisle paid for everything, I was now the proud owner of a new laptop, iPad, and iPhone — none of which I knew how to use. But Carlisle insisted that I deserved them. Thanking the cashier, Carlisle ushered me out to his car where he proceeded to set my new phone up, making sure to enter his cell and office number himself.

Once he had that settled, we did indeed grab some burgers and fries from a small burger joint and head toward the hotel. I waited in the car while Carlisle got his room. When he came back, he drove around to the back and we entered through a backdoor. The minute Carlisle had me in his room; he had me pressed against the door. His hands were pawing at every inch of me, nearly ripping my shirt in his effort to get it off of me.

"Fuck, Carlisle!" I cried out when his teeth sank into the top of my breast.

"Yeah, baby, I need to fuck you," he groaned. Lifting me off the ground, he carried me over to the bed and threw me down. His eyes were wild and crazy, filled with a desire that I'd never seen before. Carlisle quickly stripped me of my pants and panties, leaving me lying before him completely nude. "Oh, baby," he murmured, dropping to his knees and burying his face between my thighs. "I love the taste of your pussy, so fucking good."

"Carlisle," I gasped, grabbing the back of his head and pushing my hips up. He placed his hands on my hips, stilling me. "Please!"

"Please what?" he asked, looking up at me and gliding his tongue against my wet slit. "Hmm, what does my baby what?"

"You," I whimpered. "Just you."

Carlisle smiled as he stood up and began stripping off his clothes. Climbing onto the bed, he reached for me, encouraging me to ride him. My skin heated as I did as he asked. Carlisle gripped my hips as I slid down onto him, taking him inside my body completely. Slowly, I began to move. My eyes were locked on his, the connection of our bodies filling the air with each thrust of our hips.

"You're fucking beautiful," he murmured, bringing a hand up and cupping my breast. "Perfect and made just for me."

"Carlisle," I panted.

"Just. For. Me." Thrusting upward, Carlisle articulated each word. "Say it!"

"Just for you!" I cried out.

Carlisle rolled us so that he was on top. Gripping my thigh, he started driving into me harder and faster, fucking me like this would be the last time he'd ever get to touch my body. The sound of his skin slapping against mine, of our rapid breathing and the scent of our heavy love making filled the air.

"Come for me, baby," he demanded. "Give it to me now."

My body obeyed his command and I felt a wave of pleasure soar through me. Carlisle thrust a dozen more times before he pulled out, moving up to straddle my chest. Before I knew what he was doing, he's slid his cock into my mouth. I could taste myself on him and, while I didn't hate it, I wasn't prepared for him to do that to me. After another handful of thrusts, Carlisle threw his head back and came in my mouth. I swallowed every drop. Pulling himself out of my mouth, he fell onto the bed next to me, gasping for air.

"That was incredible. The way you respond to me, baby, it turns me on." He laughed. Rolling onto his side, he slid his hand across my stomach. "I wish I could stay here with you forever."

"Me too," I murmured, nestling myself in his embrace. "How am I supposed to breathe without you here?"

"I don't know," he mumbled. "I haven't figured that out yet."

**I know, I know, long time no update, but I had some time to kill and thought I'd try to get something out to all of you for being so understanding. Thank you for reading, and in advance for any reviews that are left for me!**


	9. Chapter 9

I hadn't been able to sleep. Carlisle had wrapped his body around me, holding me snuggly against his chest, but I'd laid there all night trying to figure out how I was going to breathe without him. It was silly and irrational, but I needed him. He was everything I shouldn't want, everything I didn't need, yet at the same time, my body craved his touch, his lips, his love. I was his whore, and I always would be.

The sound of my new cell phone ringing broke through the deafening silence. Carlisle had managed to transfer my number the night before when setting up the iPhone. He'd insisted that I needed a better phone, because in his mind, for me to succeed at Yale, I needed the best of the best. Didn't he understand that all I needed was him?

Scrambling out of the bed, I grabbed the phone off the dresser, feeling my heart clench in my chest. My father was calling. Charlie and I hadn't spoken all summer, mostly because I'd lashed out at him because in my mind, he hadn't protected me from Carlisle. It wasn't his fault I was a slut. No, I wore that banner all on my own. But Charlie was my father, my daddy, and I'd missed him. Then, just as I was getting ready to leave, he'd reached out to me, begged me to talk to him. How could I tell him that I was a whore, that his best friend — the father of my best friend — had taken me in his bed and made his lover?

"Are you going to answer it?" Carlisle asked.

I shook my head as I placed the phone back on the dresser. "It's Charlie."

Carlisle inhaled a sharp breath before rolling onto his back and covering his eyes with his arm. I crawled back onto the bed, straddling him. He moaned, automatically bringing his hands to my hips as his eyes shifted up to mine.

"Don't leave." The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Baby, I don't want to leave, but I can't stay. I have to go back, have to get things settled with Esme." He rolled us so that he was on top of me. I could feel the tip of his cock pressing against me. "But I promise that I'm coming back for you. Somehow, we're going to make it, Bella."

"And if we don't?" I asked, unable to keep the emotions from filling my words.

Carlisle's eyes closed. "We will. If I have to give up everything I have, I will do that for you."

I wanted to believe him, more than anything in the world I wanted to believe him, but I couldn't. Carlisle already had the perfect wife, the perfect children, and now, the perfect little mistress, waiting for him to come shower her with love and affection.

"Tell me what you're thinking," he whispered, sliding his hand up my leg.

"I want you to make love to me," I lied. Well, sort of. I wanted him to fill me, to touch me, to kiss me, but at the same time, I wanted him to let me go, let me live my life without him. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so guilty, so . . . ashamed of who I was now.

Carlisle, however, seemed to not have any reservations about our relationship. He crushed his mouth against mine, trusting his tongue between lips. His hand slipped between our bodies and his fingers quickly found my pussy.

"Jesus fuck, you're so wet, baby," he cursed, ending our kiss.

Without warning, Carlisle slid down my body, pressing his mouth against my pussy. I cried out, my back arching off the bed as he tasted me, feasting on me like I was the last meal he'd ever get to eat. My fingers wrapped around the bed sheets as I panted, resisting the urge to grab the back of his head and fuck his mouth the way he always did mine when I sucked his cock.

Just as I was starting to feel my orgasm wash over me, Carlisle tore his mouth from me, leaned up, and kissed me. His hips thrust forward and he filled me. I moaned into his mouth, wrapping my legs around his as he moved, starting slowly but quickening his pace. His thrusts were needy, and I knew he was struggling just as much as I was with the feeling soaring inside of us. He didn't want to want me, he didn't want to love me, but he did. And now, he was going to lose everything because I'd seduced him, lured him into my web of sexual debauchery.

"You feel so fucking good, baby," he groaned. "Your pussy is mine, right?"

"Yes," I gasped.

"And your mouth is mine, your ass is mine. You're mine." Carlisle slipped his hand under my head, wrapping his fingers around the back of my neck. "Say it! Say your mine to fuck!"

"I'm yours to own!" I cried out, partly because the look in his eyes scared me, yet it excited me, too. "Only yours."

Carlisle's mouth crushed onto mine as my climax washed over me. He thrust a dozen more times before he stilled his hips, coming inside of me. Pulling his mouth from mine, he leaned his head on my shoulder, keeping himself buried inside of me.

"Don't leave me, Bella," he whispered. "Don't ever leave me."

"I won't," I promised, knowing that I'd never be able to. As much as I hated it, I needed him too damn much.

—INN—

Somehow, and I don't know how, Carlisle and I managed to untangle our bodies, shower, dress, check out of the hotel, climb back into his car, and were now sitting in front of my dorms. Felt like I was in a dream, watching someone else's life. But I wasn't. No, this was my life and the choices I'd made had led me to where I am.

Sighing, I looked over at Carlisle. "I guess I should go."

He nodded. "Yeah, I need to hit the road."

"Promise me that everything is going to be okay?" I asked, feeling my eyes fill up with tears.

Carlisle turned in his seat and looked at me. "Isabella, I promise that, somehow, someway, everything is going to be okay. Just . . . just stay strong for me. Please?"

"I'll try," I whispered. "That's as good as I can offer right now."

Carlisle smiled as he leaned over and cupped my face in his hands, pressing a soft kiss on my lips. "I love you, Bella. I love you so much."

"I love you, too. Call me tonight when you stop for the night. Please?"

"Of course," he laughed.

Leaning in, I kissed him one more time before I slammed my hand on the handle, pushing the door open. I scrambled out of his car with my new bag of toys in my hands and rushed up the front walkway and inside the dorm. However, I stayed in the doorway and watched as Carlisle reversed out of his parking space and drove away, taking my soul with him.

I missed him already.

Pushing away from the door, I walked over to the elevator, taking it up to the third floor, and walking down to my room. When I opened the door, I found Rose standing in front of her desk, placing her text books on the shelf above them.

"Oh, hey," she said, uncomfortably.

"Hey," I mumbled, placing my bag from the Apple Store on my bed. I still had to unpack, try to somehow start a life here.

"I thought you were going to come back last night," she said.

Turning, I looked at her. "Um, yeah, it got late so . . ."

Rose nodded, but I couldn't tell if she believed me. In her mind, Carlisle was my father, and not the man who had been fucking me for the last few months. "Well, do you need any help unpacking your stuff?"

"I've got it," I muttered, turning back to the suitcases sitting on my bed.

"Fine, whatever," she groused moments before she threw open the door to our room and walked out, letting the door slam shut behind her.

Sighing, I sat down on the edge of my bed and pulled my knees up. Would there ever be a day when I didn't feel like I fucked everything up?

A few hours later, I'd managed to unpack everything and my side of the room was almost starting to feel like my room, and not something one saw in college catalogs like Rose's side did. I didn't begrudge her for her style, only the confidence to know what she wanted and taking it. I was weak and stupid. I'd let the one man who loved me drive away this morning.

I was sitting at my desk, trying to figure out my new laptop when my phone rang again. Digging it out of my back pocket, I'd hoped it was Carlisle, but it wasn't. It was Charlie. A part of me considered ignoring his call, but the other half needed to hear his voice.

So, sliding my finger across the green slide, I said, "Hey, Dad."

"Bella. Where the hell have you been?" He huffed. "I've called you like . . . . five times today."

"Um, I only had one missed call," I told him.

"Well, I meant to call you like four more times," he mumbled. "I was worried. I expected you to call when your flight got in, but you didn't."

"Oh, yeah, I was so tired," I lied, moving to my bed and pulling my knees up in front of me. "And then you know, trying to adjust to Yale life, I guess."

"Hmm, okay." For a moment he didn't say anything else. "So how do you like it?"

"It's great." Once again the lie fell from my lips with ease. "My roommate is awesome. Her name is Rose and I can already tell she and I are going to be friends."

"That's good, honey. You know how much I worry."

I bit my tongue. He didn't worry about me. If he had, he'd have seen that I was falling apart all summer. If he really worried about me, he would have protected me from Carlisle, keeping me innocent. But I wasn't, not anymore. I had turned into Carlisle's whore, and if Charlie ever found out, he'd never speak to me again.

"Bella, are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah, sorry. The phone slipped out of my hand," I fibbed. How'd lying ever become so natural to me? "Um, how's everything there?"

"Oh, you know the same." He laughed. "Esme brought me dinner last night. I guess with Emmett, Edward, and Alice all at school and Carlisle off to some medical convention, she was lonely. Thought maybe I was, too."

"Well, that was . . . nice of her," I gritted out. It was odd that just the thought of Esme Cullen had me seeing red, but she'd hurt me. Not only because she still had her hooks in Carlisle, but because she thought I was just like my mother. Who was I kidding? I was like Renee. She'd hurt everyone she touched, too, and I wouldn't be any different.

"Yeah, but I miss your cooking," he admitted.

"Yeah, me too." A lie, because I hadn't cooked for him in months, not since the night Carlisle touched me. "Dad, I have to go, but I'll, um, I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure, Bells," he murmured. "Just remember that I'm here, okay? If you need someone to talk to."

Tears flooded my eyes. "I know," I whispered. "Love you, Dad."

"Love you, too," he murmured.

As the call disconnected, I let my phone fall from my hand, landing on the bed. I pressed my forehead against my knees and let my tears fall. When he found out about me and Carlisle, it would kill him. I'd lose him forever.

Scrambling off my bed, I grabbed my towel, shower kit, and robe and rushed down to the bathroom, needing to shower. I felt dirty for allowing Carlisle to touch me, yet I desired his hands on me. The way he made me feel when he touched me, kissed me, fucked me was euphoric, but it was wrong. We both knew our love affair was unnatural, but we were both too selfish to deny the other what we wanted most in the world.

Once I'd scrubbed my body raw, I turned off the water, dried off, slipped my towel on, and walked back to my room. I'd just changed into my pajamas when my phone rang again. This time it was Carlisle. Again, I found myself fighting the urge to ignore the call, to let it go to my voicemail, but I couldn't. I needed to hear the sound of his voice too much, so once again, I slid my finger across the green button.

"Hey," I whispered and climbed onto my bed, nestling myself under the blankets.

"Hey," he echoed. "You sound horrible, baby. Are you okay?"

"Um, no," I whimpered. "I miss you. So much it hurts."

"God, me too," he murmured. "I almost turned the car around a hundred times."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because you have to be there, and I have stuff to take care of back in Forks," he admitted. "My lawyer called today."

"What'd he say?"

"He said the paperwork will be ready by the end of the week. So, I will be giving them to Esme soon. And then, hopefully, I'll be free to be with you, the way I should be."

"Yeah?" I asked.

"You still doubt me, don't you?" Carlisle huffed. "What is it going to take for you to believe that I love you? That I'm going to fight through heaven and hell to be with you?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I just . . ." The door to my room opened and Rose came walking in. She looked over at me and started to smile, but I quickly turned away. "I have to go."

"Bella," he whispered.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too," he murmured. "I'll call you in the morning, okay?"

"Okay." Trying hard to stifle my tears, I ended the call.

"Who was that?" Rose asked.

I looked over at her as a tear fell down my cheek. "Nobody."

"It didn't sound like nobody," she jibed. "Unless you make it a habit to tell nobodies that you love them."

I shook my head. "He's . . . It's complicated."

Rose nodded and placed her purse on her bed. "You know, I've been told I'm a good listener."

"I'm sure you have," I said. "But I'm not a good talker, so . . ."

Shaking my head, I lay down in bed, grabbed my iPod from the table, and attempted to lose myself in some music. Rose was too good for me, and if she knew the kind of person I was, she would be requesting a new roommate. No, she'd be better off without me. Carlisle and I were alone in this world; both of us knew that giving into our lust for each other would cost us everything. Not letting Rose in now would be easier when she found out the truth about me.

**I know, I know. Long time, no update. I'd say I'm sorry, and I am, but at the same time, I just haven't been able to focus on any of my fics. I've been working on a couple of books, and between those, working six days a week, and my family, life has been hectic. I can't promise any consistent updating schedule, so please, just be understanding.**


	10. Chapter 10

"Your first papers are due to me by Monday, ladies and gentlemen. I will not accept late work," Dr. Banner reminded us before ending class. Shoving my English Lit book in my backpack, I dug my iPod out, stuffed my earbuds in my ears, and set it to play my favorite playlist. It was a collection of my most depressing, emotionally gripping songs; the ones that fit just how much my heart ached.

I missed Carlisle. I wanted him to hold me, to kiss me, to touch me. I longed for him. It'd been ten days since he left me here and our nightly conversations just weren't the same. He still hadn't presented Esme with the divorce papers, even though they'd been ready a week ago. He told me that her mother had passed away four days after he returned home and he couldn't add to her pain by leaving her. I wanted to understand, but how could I? Carlisle claimed to love me, yet he was still with her.

As I walked out of the classroom, I ran into a tall, lanky blond guy with piercing blue eyes. He grabbed my arms, holding me steady. "Whoa there, darlin'," he laughed. "You all right?"

"Yeah," I muttered, giving him a weak smile before tugging myself out of his arms and walking away.

Five minutes later, I stepped off the elevator and onto the third floor of my dorms and walked to my room. Pulling my keys out of my pocket, I unlocked the door, unsurprised to see Rose standing in front of her mirror, applying a fresh layer of lipstick. She was one of those girls who primped all the time. Like Alice. I flinched inwardly as I thought of her. She'd called a few times over the last ten days since her father had left me at Yale, but I hadn't been able to bring myself to actually talk to her. She left sobbing messages about her grandmother, about how much she missed her, missed me, and missed our friendship. Alice deserved a better friend than me, someone who hadn't seduced her father into having a forbidden affair.

"Oh, hey," Rose said, looking at me through the mirror. "Hurry and get dressed. We're going out."

"We are?" I asked, lifting an eyebrow. "I don't remember you asking me."

"Um, what do you think I'm doing now?" she derided, turning so that she was facing me. Rose was wearing a very tight red, strapless dress that only someone with a pair of boobs like she had could pull off. "Don't just stand there. If you don't have anything sexy, you can look through my closet. There's a club in Boston that sounds amazing."

"Yeah, I don't think so," I scoffed, tossing my backpack on my bed.

"And just why not?" she demanded.

I rolled my eyes. "Because I don't want to."

"You never want to do anything," she complained. Instead of replying, knowing it was pointless to argue with her, I grabbed my laptop off my desk and shoved it inside the black, mesh case, adding the charger. "Bella," Rose said.

"What?" I snarled, looking over at her. "What the fuck do you want?"

She laughed, though it wasn't humorous. "I'm trying to get to know you. You know, maybe be your friend."

"I don't need a friend," I lied. Because more than anything right now, I needed a friend, someone to talk to, someone who wouldn't judge me, but I wasn't sure Rose was that person. Her life was perfect. Why would she want to be my friend?

"Clearly you do," she murmured, grabbing the red clutch from on top of her dresser and shoving her lipstick, credit cards, driver's license, keys, and cell phone inside. "Stay here and wallow. It's what you do best."

Spinning on her heel, Rose walked out of our room, letting the door slam shut behind her. But instead of staying in our room, where the walls felt like they were constantly closing in around me, I grabbed my backpack and laptop and headed to the library where I planned to spend the night doing what I always did: studying.

Seeing as I'd been a regular there since classes started, the librarian knew me by name and waved as I came in. I returned it before settling at my usual table in the far back corner. I plugged my laptop in to the wall, set my iPod so that it would repeat the playlist and began working on my paper for Dr. Banner's class, the paper I've written and re-written at least four times already.

I'm not sure how long I'd been sitting there when I heard the chair across from me get pulled back and noticed that someone had sat down. Huffing in annoyance, I looked over the top of my laptop and saw the guy who'd kept me from falling sitting there with a cocky smirk on his lips. I wanted to hit him, scream at him to leave me alone, but I didn't. He didn't deserve my wrath.

Tugging of the buds from my ears, I turned down the volume on my iPod. "Can I help you?"

"I don't know, can you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "I've been watching you."

"Wow, that doesn't make you sound like a stalker," I scoffed, leaning back in my chair.

"Never said I wasn't one."

"There are other tables you could sit at," I pointed out. Seeing as it was Friday night, the library was shockingly quiet.

"I know," he said. "I'm Jasper Whitlock."

"Nice to know," I muttered, turning back to my laptop.

"Oh, come on, darlin'. Don't I even get to know your name?" he cooed, his southern accent thick.

"Why do you need to know my name?" I asked.

He smiled. "Because then I know who I'm taking to dinner."

I rolled my eyes. "Sorry, I've got a boyfriend."

"So do I." He laughed when I cocked an eyebrow at him. "He's a handsome fella, too. Big, brawny, loves to kiss, amongst other things."

"Oh." I wasn't sure what else to say.

Jasper leaned forward. "Look, I'm going to be rude, so I hope you'll forgive me. I've watched you come in here every night. And every night it's the same thing. You listen to your music, do your work, and try to pretend that you're not here. That's no way to live. Just let me take you to dinner. You need a nice meal, and maybe a friend."

Though I tried to stop them, tears flooded my eyes and poured down my cheeks. Jasper's eyes widened and he suddenly looked very uncomfortable. He scooted out of his chair and rushed around the table, falling into the empty seat next to me, placing an awkward hand on my shoulder.

"Darlin', I didn't mean to make you cry," he grumbled.

"You didn't," I whimpered.

"Well, seeing as there are tears on your cheek, I'd say I did," he argued.

"No, it wasn't you," I lied. Or maybe it wasn't a lie. I couldn't tell anymore. "I'm Bella. Bella Swan."

"It's nice to meet you, Bella," he said, smiling. "Now, how about that dinner?"

All I could do was nod. Jasper insisted on carrying my backpack for me so I shoved my laptop back into its case and followed him through the library and outside to the parking lot. He led me to a large, black Harley. He opened a side compartment and shoved my backpack inside before reaching of my laptop.

"It'll be safe, I promise," he assured me, so I gave it to him. Once we had my stuff loaded in, he handed me his spare helmet and climbed onto the motorcycle, before looking back at me. "Come on, Darlin'."

"It's safe, right?" I asked, sliding my leg across the leather seat and wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Yes, ma'am," he chuckled before kick-starting it.

I squealed and hung on tighter as he drove away from the library. Weaving in and out of traffic, he pulled up in front of a small diner ten blocks from campus. I climbed off first and then followed him inside. A tall man with long dirty blond hair was standing behind the counter. When the bell rang, he looked up and smiled.

"Jasper!" he called out before walking around the counter and giving Jasper a hug. "We were starting to think you'd forgotten about us."

"Nah, just been busy with school." Jasper turned toward me and smiled. "Bella Swan, this is James Hunter, owner and operator of this fine establishment. James, this is Bella, my new friend."

"Nice to meet you, Bella," James said, giving me a friendly grin as another man came walking through the back with his arms full of boxes. James sighed as he turned and grabbed two of them for him. "Babe, I told you to let me help you."

"And I told you that I didn't need it." The man smirked before leaning around the boxes and giving James a kiss on the lips.

I must have had a shocked look on my face because Jasper began to laugh as he placed his hand on my back. "That's Laurent Matthews, James' boyfriend. They run this place together."

"Oh," I replied. "Nice to meet you, I'm Bella."

"It's nice to meet you, too, Bella," Laurent said, putting the boxes on top of the counter. He was a little taller than James, and had dark black hair and large, black eyes. "Are you a student at the university, too?"

"Yes, a freshman," I said.

"Ah, that explains it," he murmured, gesturing for us to follow him to a table in the back corner.

"What does it explain?" I asked.

He grinned as he looked at me. "The wide-eyed look on your face. I'm guessing there aren't a lot of gay men where you're from?"

"Not that I know of," I admitted.

He nodded. "Probably more than you realize, honey. Now, what can I get you to drink?"

"Um," I looked down at the menu. "A Coke, I guess."

Laurent nodded and turned to Jasper. "The usual?"

"Yep," he replied, leaning back in his chair.

As Laurent walked back around the counter, I looked at Jasper. "What's the usual?"

"Coffee, two creams, two sugar, splash of honey," he told me. "Do you drink coffee?"

"Not usually," I murmured.

"I didn't either until I came here. Started during the fall semester of my freshman year, and the rest is history, darlin'."

"What year are you now?" I asked.

"Junior," he said. "Where are you from?"

"Washington State."

"You're a long way from home, darlin'."

"I know." I frowned. "Where are you from?"

He smirked. "Texas."

"Sounds like you're pretty far from home, too," I countered, causing him to laugh as Laurent placed our drinks in front of us.

"You know what you want to order?" Laurent asked.

"I want a bacon cheeseburger with everything, fries on the side," Jasper told him before looking at me.

"Oh, um," I scanned the menu. "I'll just take a grilled cheese."

"That ain't a proper dinner," Jasper scolded me. "She'll take the same as me." Laurent laughed, but nodded. I turned and glared at Jasper. "Don't look at me like that, Bella Swan. You need a real meal."

"Is that what I need?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"Yep," he quipped, leaning forward and placing his elbow on the table. "Now, tell me all there is to know about you."

"Not much to tell. Only child. Mom left when I was little. Dad raised me on his own. Now, I'm here."

Jasper tilted his head to the side, staring at me with intensity. "No, there's more to you than that. There's something, and I don't know what, but there is something eating away inside of you."

I flinched. "There's nothing."

"Hmm, if you say so," he jibed. "Since you've shared a bundle of information about yourself, allow me to do the same."

"Since I asked, right?" I scoffed.

"Exactly!" he exclaimed. "It all started on a rainy night in Houston. Momma was feeling very anxious because I was due to be born any day."

"I really don't need your life story," I laughed. "How about just the highlights?"

"Fine, you're missing out on a great story, though," he muttered. "I grew up in Houston, Texas. My momma runs a daycare, my daddy works on an oil rig, so we don't see him much."

"Here you go," Laurent said, depositing two plates of food in front of us. The burgers were huge, way bigger than the ones we had back in Forks. "Need anything else?"

"No, thank you," I replied.

"Let me know," he said before heading into the back again.

"These are huge," I said. "I don't think I'll be able to eat half of it."

"You can always take it back to the dorms," Jasper suggested. "Make a good lunch for tomorrow."

"True," I murmured. "How'd you end up at Yale?"

"I worked my ass off, darlin'," he snickered. "Aced my SAT and ACT, and graduated top of my class. Plus, I wrote one hell-of-a-good essay on why a poor boy from Texas should get the chance to overcome all the odds and make something of myself."

"Wow, so you milked it for all you could get," I tittered.

"Pretty much," he admitted. "I have two baby brothers and a baby sister. Moneys tight, so without a good scholarship, I'd probably be working on the oil rig next to my dad."

"There's nothing wrong with that," I said.

"No, there's not," he agreed. "But my dad told me that I was too smart to end up like him. Now, he and Momma love each other, but he wants us to have a better life. And that means me coming to school up here, I guess."

"So what are you studying?" I asked.

"Psychology," he laughed.

"You want to be a shrink?" I grimaced.

"What's wrong with that?" he demanded.

"Nothing, I guess. I just don't think I'd want to listen to people bitch about their problems all the time."

"Hmm, interesting word choice there, Miss Swan," he mused.

"Oh, here we go with the analysis," I cackled as my cell phone began to ring. I dug it out of my pocket, inhaling when I saw Carlisle's name across the ID. "Um, excuse me for a moment."

I rushed outside before accepting the call. "Hey."

"Hey, baby," Carlisle purred. "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

"You caught me coming out of the shower," I lied, knowing he would not like the fact that I was having dinner with another man, even if said man was gay. "I had to get dressed."

"If I was there, you wouldn't have to," he laughed.

"Yeah, well, I didn't much want Rose to walk in and find me naked on my bed," I quipped.

"Are you okay? You sound different," he said.

"I'm fine. Just tired," I whispered, leaning against the building. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too." He sighed. "I was hoping to fly out this weekend, but I can't. I have to make up some shifts at the hospital since I took off to take you to school and then for the funeral."

"Oh." I wasn't sure what else to say.

"I've been in contact with a few contacts in Boston and New York, searching for job openings," he said. "Hoping to hear something by Thanksgiving and then I can give Esme the divorce papers."

"Then you'd be here," I whispered. "I need you here, Carlisle. It's so hard to be away from you."

"Oh, baby, for me, too," he insisted, but cleared his throat. "Dr. Logan is on call tonight."

I was confused about what he was saying until I heard _her_. "Who are you talking to?" Esme asked.

Bile filled my throat as I imagined her lying next to him on his bed, her arms wrapped around him.

"Answering service," he told her.

"Ugh, you said you were off tonight," Esme whined.

"I am," he grumbled. "Go on up. I'll be there in a minute."

"Fine, whatever. Don't forget to lock the front door."

"I won't," he said. A moment later, he sighed. "I'm sorry, baby. She's been so fucking clingy ever since her mother."

"It's fine," I whispered. "I should go."

"Bella," he murmured.

A tear slipped down my cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Ending the call, I released a deep breath and wiped the tears off my face. Jasper looked over at me when I walked in, his smile dropping and a frown tugging at his lips.

"What's wrong?" he asked as I slid into my seat.

I shook my head, unable to tell him about Carlisle. He'd look at me differently, and right now, he was the only friend I had. "I'm not hungry anymore," I said, looking down at my burger. I'd only managed a couple of bites. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," he said, gesturing for James. "Can we get two boxes, please?"

"Sure thing," James replied, walking back around the counter. He came back a moment later with two foam boxes. "Dinner is on the house tonight."

"You don't have to do that," I said, digging in my pocket for some money.

"Honey, I know I don't have to do anything, but I insist. Just come back and see us, okay?" James said.

I nodded. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He looked over at Jasper. "Make sure she does."

"Yes, sir." Jasper smirked and saluted him.

James rolled his eyes but laughed as he walked back around the counter. Jasper and I dumped our food into the boxes and thanked them again for everything before walking outside, stowing our food in one of his compartments, and going back to campus. Jasper insisted on driving me to my dorms, stating it was too late for a pretty girl like me to be out on my own. He pulled up in front and handed me my backpack, laptop, and dinner before walking me up to the front door.

"Bella, I don't know what you're hiding, but I'm here if you need someone to talk to, okay?" he offered, writing his cell number on the top of my foam box.

"Thanks," I murmured.

"You're welcome." Jasper leaned in and kissed my forehead. "Goodnight."

"Night."

Once I was back in my room, I stowed my leftover food in the mini-fridge that came with our room before changing into my pajamas and climbing into my bed with a book. Just after midnight, Rose stumbled into our room.

"Bella," she whispered. "Are you awake?"

Closing my eyes, I pretended to be asleep. I wanted to trust Rose, but she came from a life of privilege and advantages. If she knew about me and Carlisle, would she think of me as trash?

**Thank you for all the reviews. I feel the need to let you know that this story will be very intense in the upcoming chapters. At this point, I have a total of thirty-four chapters outlined, and it will be . . . rough. I just want to warn you now.**


	11. Chapter 11

"Darlin', let's go!" Jasper yelled, knocking on the door to my bedroom.

I rolled my eyes as I rushed over and opened it, ignoring the smirk on his lips. "I'm hurrying. Class ran late."

"Western Civ?" he asked, leaning against the doorjamb. I nodded. "Dr. Gregory's class. The man loves to hear himself speak. So do I, in fact. He's sexy."

"There is something seriously wrong with you," I laughed. The man thought everyone male he saw was sexy, even though he had a boyfriend. I sighed as I looked at the clothes on my bed. "Why did I agree to go with you?"

"Because you're in love with me," he snickered, walking up behind me and sliding one arm around my waist, while grabbing a blue, silk dress that Alice had insisted I by last spring and tossing it aside. Inwardly, I flinched at the thought of her. She'd called three times today alone, each time begging me to call her back. I couldn't. I had hoped that she'd move on, find a friend who was worth her at school, but she was clinging on to me, and I hated it. I loved Alice, but she deserved better than the whore sleeping with her father.

"Bella, did you hear me?"

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, shaking my head.

"I said you should wear the dark pants with that silver top. Add those leather boots hiding in the back of your closet, too."

"How'd you know about those?" I grumbled, pulling myself out of his arms and walking to my closet.

"I snooped last week while you were in the bathroom. Girl, those boots are stunning," he snickered.

"Thanks," I murmured, pulling them out.

Another of Alice's insisted purchase. Well, her and Esme. The three of us had spent the weekend in Seattle the weekend before prom so we could find the prefect dresses, which we did. But we also found these leather boots that fit like a glove. I thought they were too expensive, but Esme and Alice insisted that three-hundred dollars was a steal and bought them for me. After I started my affair with Carlisle, I never wore then again. Not even sure why I brought them to Yale with me.

"What's with you today?" he asked, flopping on my bed while I put the clothes I wasn't wearing back in my closet. "You're being quieter than usual."

"Nothing," I lied. That wasn't true, of course. Carlisle had called during my class, but seeing as I was in the middle of a lecture, I'd had to let the call go to voice mail. When I called him back, he didn't answer. It just put me on edge. I hadn't talked to him in three days, and I was desperate to hear his voice, yet afraid at the same time. I longed for him, for his touch, his love, but in my heart, I knew it was wrong.

"Okay, if that's your story," he murmured.

I rolled my eyes at his ability to see right through me. It'd been two weeks since Jasper insisted on buying me dinner, after admitting to stalk me in the library, and he'd become a friend. My only friend. There was something about him that made me trust him. Though I hadn't told him about Carlisle, he knew that the relationship with my boyfriend was intense. He didn't push for details, but I saw the worry in his eyes.

"I'll be right back," I told him, gathering my outfit in my hands and looking over at him. "Don't snoop."

He smiled. "I make no promises."

For a moment, I thought about saying screw it and just stripping down in front of him. I mean, the man is gay. He doesn't want to see my tits or ass, but in the end, I opted to go to the bathroom to change. When I walked into the bathroom, I saw the two girls who shared the room next to mine and Rose's. I hadn't really spoken to them much. Like everyone else here, I opted not to allow myself to be too friendly.

"Hey, Bella," Lauren Mallory said. She was a tall, thin blond girl with large breasts. Next to her was her roommate, Jessica Stanley, who in compared to Lauren, looked tiny. She had frizzy brown hair and matching eyes.

"Hey." I walked into one of the showers and hung my clothes up.

"Are you and Rose going to the party over at the Delta house?" Lauren asked. "It's supposed to be amazing. Cute boys, good drinks, loud music. What's not to love, right?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not. I don't know about her, though."

"Why aren't you coming?" Jessica whined. "It'll be so much fun!"

"Oh, I have plans," I told them, hoping they'd let it go. They were nice girls, just the typical college freshman, trying to find their place here at Yale. Though I was the same age as them, I felt years old. Or more used. Either one.

"That's too bad," she huffed.

"Yeah."

Stripping off the jeans and T-shirt I'd worn to class, I slipped on the outfit Jasper had told me to put on, minus the boots. Once I had them on, I gathered up my discarded clothes and walked back down to my room. When I opened the door, I found Jasper standing in front of my desk with my journal in his hands.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I snarled, tossing my clothes on the floor and tearing it out of his hands. "Did you read this?"

"No." He snorted. "Darlin', I'm not the type to read girls' diaries."

"It's not a diary, it's a journal," I grumbled.

"What's the difference?" he asked, cocking one of his perfect eyebrows.

"Little girls write in diaries, women keep journals," I muttered. "Seriously, did you read this?"

"No, I promise. I was admiring the leather cover. Reminded me of the books my momma has at home. Don't see those a lot," he explained. When I frowned, he brought his hands up to my face. "I promise, I wouldn't have invaded your privacy like that, Bella."

"Yet, you've admitted to stalking me and snooping in my closet," I mumbled.

"So I did." He sighed. "I'm sorry I touched it. I won't ever do it again. If I do, you can spank me."

"You'd probably like that," I quipped.

"Probably," he agreed. "Now, get those sexy boots on and let's go. We have a party to attend!"

I rolled my eyes once again and sat on the side of my bed, sliding my feet into the boots. Grabbing my keys, cell phone, and wallet, I looped my arm in with Jasper's and let him led me out of my room. Lauren and Jessica stepped out of the bathroom as we walked by, their eyes going wide when they saw the man on my arm. I almost laughed, but too be honest, I was nervous as hell.

James and Laurent had invited me and Jasper to a dinner party at their house tonight, and I had no idea what to expect. Jasper's boyfriend was going to be there, and he had really wanted me to meet him. Also, he'd told me that everyone else at the party was going to be gay, which made me feel out of place. I mean, I didn't have a problem with homosexuality, but would they have a problem with a straight girl being there?

Not only that, but I hadn't told Carlisle about Jasper yet. Jasper and I were only friends, but we'd gotten to the point where we spent almost all of our time together. He'd study with me in the library, or wait for me after class. If he wasn't gay, I'd think he was flirting with me, but that was just Jasper. But not telling Carlisle felt like lying, and I didn't like it, thought I knew he wouldn't like the fact that I was becoming best friends with a man, even if he was gay. But then again, Carlisle still hadn't given Esme the divorce papers, so it wasn't like we could be together, anyway. Not really. I was still his dirty mistress, and he was still married. Every time I asked, he told me that Esme hadn't been home, that she'd thrown herself into her charity work as a way of compensating for her empty household. Sounded like an excuse to me, but when I pushed for him to stop stalling, he got angry and told me that I didn't understand the pressure he was under. And he was right. I didn't understand.

Jasper pulled his bike up in front of a large, tutor-style house on the outskirts of New Haven a few minutes later. I followed him up the front walk and onto the porch, but before either of us could ring the bell, the door opened and we found ourselves face to face with James and Laurent, both of whom were smiling.

"It's about time you two got here!" James gushed, grabbing my arm and nearly yanking me inside.

"Sorry, Jasper was slow," I lied, laughing when I heard him scoff behind me.

"He is slow sometimes, right?" James shook his head as he and Laurent led us into the living room, where we found two women, and three other men sitting. The two women were beyond gorgeous. The first had sensual curves, wide hazel eyes, and soft, strawberry blond hair. Sitting next to her was a woman with long, honey-blond hair and large, blue eyes. They were each at least in their mid-twenties, and were holding hands.

On the other couch were three men. The first of them had messy, light brown hair and dark, grey eyes. He had his arm around a man with deep brown hair and large eyes. I guess their age to be around that of the women, early to mid-twenties. The third man — a tall, broad-shouldered russet-skinned man — stood up off the couch and walked past me and James, to Jasper. Sliding his arm around my friend, he leaned in and pecked him on the lips.

"I was getting worried," he murmured. "You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago."

"I know, but Bella's class ran late, and then she was bitching about how fabulous I am," he said, winking at me when I gasped. "You know how people get around me."

"I do, babe," the other man laughed, before looking at me. "Hi, I'm Jacob. I've heard about you, Bella."

"Hmm, I haven't heard anything about you," I lied. Jasper talked non-stop about the man.

"Oh, really?" Jacob cocked an eyebrow at Jasper.

"She's fucking liar," he grumbled.

"I'm sure she is, babe," he snickered.

"Bella, we'd like you to meet the rest of our friends," James said, placing his hand on the small of my back and drawing my attention to everyone else. "These two lovely ladies are Kate and Tanya. They've been together for almost three years."

"Nice to meet you," I murmured.

"You too," Tanya said, smiling.

"Next to them are Garrett and Riley. They've only been seeing each other for a few months," James explained.

"Hi," I said, unsure of what else to add. I had never felt so awkward and out of place before.

"Love your boots, girl. Totally amazing," Riley gushed, waving a hand. Garrett laughed, though I could tell he was annoyed with the flamboyant man next to him.

"Oh, thanks," I said.

"Okay, now that everyone is here," Laurent sang, "it's time to eat."

Taking a deep breath, I followed everyone in to the dining room. It reminded me of the dinners we'd have at Carlisle's, back before I'd been turned into his mistress. Esme was always inviting me and Charlie over, insisting that we needed to have someone cook for us. She used to be so nice, but then again, I used to be innocent. I guess we'd all changed.

I slipped into the seat next to Jasper, but next to James. Jacob was on Jasper's other side, with Laurent at one end of the table, and Garrett, Riley, Kate, and Tanya on the other side. While everyone filled their plates with pastas, salad, and breadsticks, James walked around the table, filling everyone's glasses with wine, including mine. I'd never been much of a drinker before, only having a few sips of Charlie's beers.

Sighing inwardly, I dropped my hands into my lap as I thought about my father. He'd called several times over the last couple of weeks, asking about my classes, how I was liking Rose, if I had made any new friends. He was making an effort, I knew this, but why did he wait until I was gone to try to be my father. Why couldn't he have talked to me when I needed him the most?

"I'd like to propose a toast," James offered, lifting his glass of wine in the air. The others picked up their glasses, so I did the same. "To new friends, old friends, and good food!"

Echoing his statement, we all took a sip of our wine. It wasn't bad, just not good, either. While every started talking about work and their lives, I silently ate my dinner, feeling more out of place with each passing moment. From what I gathered from the conversation, Kate and Tanya ran their own wedding consulting firm, and had been very successful. Garrett talked about some law case he had been working on, which led me to believe that he was a lawyer, while Riley was a graduate student, working on his Master's degree in philosophy. Jacob first-year med student, who was bogged down in labs, which explained why Jasper only got to see or talk to him a few times a week, if he was lucky.

"Guys, we're being rude," Kate said, drawing my attention to her. "Bella, I apologize. We forget that you're new to our group and don't know what we're babbling on about."

"Oh, it's okay,' I murmured, feeling my cheeks warm from the attention.

"No, it's not," she said, smiling. "Why don't you tell us a little about yourself?"

"Um," I stammered, sitting up in my seat. "There isn't a lot to tell. I'm a freshman at the university. I grew up in Washington State, I'm an only child."

"What are you studying?" Tanya asked.

"I don't know yet," I told her. "'I've thought about English, or maybe business, but I don't know. It's a big decision to make."

"Do you like to write?" Garrett asked.

I blew out a deep breath, as I nodded. "I've always kind of wanted to be writer."

"That's great," he said, grinning as he placed his arm on the back of Riley's chair. "I used to dabble here and there, but you know how it goes. Life just got in the way."

"I hear it does that," I agreed.

After dinner, we helped James and Laurent clear the table and wash the dishes. While everyone else settled in the living room to play games and drink, I politely declined. They were in couple land, and being around them, watching them kiss and hold each other so freely made me miss Carlisle so much my heart ached. So, instead, I called a cab to take me back to campus.

"Are you sure you don't want me to take you?" Jasper asked for the at least the fifth time.

I smiled, placing my hand on his chest. "Stay with Jacob. You need to spend some time with him, and I'll be fine."

Jasper frowned. "I'm sorry. I thought you'd have more fun."

"I did have fun," I lied. "I've just had a long week, and I have to get my paper for biology and English written this weekend, which means a lot of time in the library."

Jasper narrowed his eyes at me, but didn't say anything about me spending yet another weekend in the library. My taxi pulled up in front and honked. "Okay, well, text me when you get there, or I'm going to worry and end up banging on your door at three in the morning."

"I will," I laughed, before leaning up and kissing his cheek. "Thanks."

Jasper walked me down to the cab and opened the door for me, showing me once again what a true gentleman he was. Once he made sure the driver had my address and enough money for the fare, though I told him I was capable of paying for my own cab, he closed the door and allowed the cab driver to pull away from the curb.

A few minutes later, I thanked the driver before climbing out and heading inside. When I walked up to the door to my room, I was surprised to find a box with my name on the floor. I picked it up before unlocking the door and carrying it inside. Placing it on my bed, I tore the tape off and opened it, feeling my mouth flop open. Tucked inside were three threes: a note, a black, sheer lingerie, and a pink dildo.

Picking up the note first, I unfolded it and read it out loud. "Baby, meet me in Skype Saturday night at nine sharp. I need to see you. Carlisle."

Blowing out a deep breath, I let the note slip from between my fingers and fall back into the box.

**Thank you for the reviews. Let me say that while I understand that Carlisle is a prick, there is a lot to this story that hasn't been uncovered so far. Yes, Carlisle is stringing her along, and yes, Bella is an idiot for allowing it to happen, but they do love each other. Sometimes, life just isn't easy.**


	12. Chapter 12

My nerves felt like they were on fire as I locked the door to mine and Rose's room, moving my desk chair so that it was pressed under the doorknob. I'd spent all day in the library with Jasper, trying to study. Trying because all I could think about was the box I'd shoved into my closet and the words written on the little note that was in my back pocket.

Jasper could tell that I was having trouble focusing, but he didn't push me on it. Instead, he told me all about the games of Pictionary he, Jacob, James, Laurent, Garrett, Riley, Kate, and Tanya had placed after I left. Apparently, in their world Pictionary was a drinking game and every time you guessed wrong, you had to take a shot. Needless to say, they all got drunk and ended up crashing on James and Laurent's floor. All I could do was shake my head and stifle the envy that soared through me. While I didn't want to get drunk like that, I wanted to be able to spend the night with Carlisle like that instead of it always being about sex.

Was that all our relationship was about? Sex? Sure we talked some, but mostly, our time was spent with him touching me, kissing me, fucking me. Did Carlisle want a relationship with me? Or was I just a virtual whore?

Blowing out a deep breath, I chose not to answer that question, not even inside my head. Instead, I busied myself by getting ready for my chat with him. I stripped off my clothes and pulled out the box, letting the black lingerie run over my fingers before I slipped it onto my body and looked at myself in the mirror. It was completely see through and made me feel both sexy and awkward. Two thin straps were all that kept it from falling off of me, and the bust was tight around my breasts. The bottom of the nightie hit the top of my thighs, leaving little to the imagination. Not that he hadn't already seen all of me. Taking another deep breath, I wrapped my fingers around the pink dildo and tossed it onto my bed before I grabbed my laptop, setting it on top of my bed and feeling awkward.

I'd never don't anything like this before. Hell, I'd barely used my own fingers on myself, much less a sex toy. But Carlisle had me doing a lot of things I never thought I would before, like having sex with a married man in the first place.

My screen lit up as Carlisle called into Skype. My fingers trembled as I used my mouse to accept his call and a moment later, his face came onto my screen. He looked tired. Dark circles marred his eyes and his hair was a mess.

"Hey," he whispered, smiling at me.

"Hi," I echoed back. "I've missed you."

"God, I miss you, too," he groaned. "The couple of weeks have sucked. Work has just . . . And Esme . . ." He shook his head, running his hand over his face. He shifted his eyes back to me. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks," I whispered, feeling my skin warm from my blush.

Carlisle groaned. "Fuck, I wish I was there with you right now."

"Me too," I admitted. "It's been . . . hard. I . . ." I was able to put my thoughts into words.

"For me, too," he said, sounding ashamed. "But we have right now, so . . ."

"Where are you?" I asked, looking around his background.

"In my study," he replied. "Esme's out. Girl's night or some shit."

"Oh." The question on whether or not he'd given her the papers sat on the edge of my tongue, but I just couldn't seem to get myself to ask it again. Every time I did, he got upset, and I wanted to enjoy the time we had.

"How do you like your presents?" he asked with a smirk.

"I love them."

"Stand up. I want to see what you look like."

Scrambling off my bed, I set my laptop up so he'd be able to see me, feeling silly as I stood in the middle of my room like this. Carlisle groaned, and brought his hand up to the screen, almost like he was trying to touch me.

"Fuck, baby, you look . . . so fucking amazing," he moaned.

"Thanks," I murmured, climbing back onto the bed.

"Do you have the other thing I sent?" he asked, his eyes sparkling with enjoyment.

I nodded and picked it up, showing it to him.

"Have you used it yet?"

I shook my head. "I wanted to wait for you."

"Good." He smirked and leaned back in his seat as he started to unbutton his shirt. Pulling his arms free, he moved his hands down to the top of his pants, scooting his chair back so that I could see his cock as he pulled it out of his pants. He was hard and there was pre-cum already pooling at the tip. My tongue snaked out of my lip, wanting nothing more than to be on my knees in front of him and letting him slide into my mouth.

"Lean back, baby," he ordered, and I did as he asked, propping my laptop up so he could see me. "Spread your legs. I want to see your pussy."

My heart was racing as I shifted on the bed, spreading my legs open and leaving me exposed to him. Carlisle groaned, his hand mindlessly stroking his cock.

"Jesus fuck, you're wet!"

"I have been all day," I purred, sliding my hand down between my legs and cupping myself. "Just thinking about you has me in the edge, baby."

"Yeah?" he asked.

I nodded, biting my lip.

"Take the dildo, baby, and slide it along your pussy. But don't penetrate yourself."

My hand shook as I grabbed the dildo and brought it down to my pussy, letting it rub against my tender lips. I'd been on edge all day and I could already feel my body preparing for an orgasm. And watching Carlisle stroke his cock wasn't helping. He looked amazing and sexy, and I wanted him inside of me.

"Taste yourself," he ordered. "Suck the tip into your mouth."

Once again, I found myself following his orders and bring the silicone shaft to my lips, pushing just the tip in and tasting myself. Carlisle's hand was moving furiously on his cock, but his eyes were locked on me, on the fake dick I had in my mouth and hand.

"Goddamn, baby," he muttered. "Fuck yourself with it. Make yourself come."

Gasping at the suddenness of his words, I immediately brought the dildo down to my pussy and pushed it in, shocked by how full I felt. The dildo was around the same as Carlisle, but felt completely different. Letting my head fall back onto my pillow, I began to slide it in and out.

"Look at me!" he yelled, causing my head to snap upward and my eyes to lock on him. However, he was starting at my pussy, no doubt imaging that it was him between my legs, fucking me, making my shake with an orgasm.

"Oh, fuck, baby," he groaned. "Next time I'm with you, I'm going to fuck your ass while using that in your pussy."

I moaned.

"Oh, yeah, you like that idea, don't you?" he cooed. "Tell me your close. Tell me that you're almost there."

"I am," I gasped, tilting the dildo upward so that the palm of my hand rubbed against my clit with every pass. "So close, baby."

"Now, Isabella! Come with me now!" he commanded, and as his cock erupted, shooting his release on his hand and stomach, a cry of pleasure left my mouth.

However, the sound of Rose trying to unlock the door pulled my attention away from Carlisle and I scrambled off the bed, trying to cover myself up.

"Bella? Open the door!" Rose called, knocking before she pushed.

The chair wobbled, and I rushed over and slammed my body against it, keeping Rose from being able to open it. I shifted my eyes to my computer, frowning as I watched Carlisle end our call without as much as a goodbye.

Blinking back my tears, I pushed the chair up under the door better before I rushed back to the bed, grabbing the dildo, which was still sticky with my release, and tossed it into the box.

"Bella, I can hear you moving around. Fucking let me in!" Rose screamed.

Still I ignored her, knowing that if I said anything right then, I'd start crying. I stripped off the lingerie and put in the box as well, and then shoved it into the back of the closet. Pulling on a fresh pair of panties, a bra, T-shirt, and a pair of sweatpants, I took a calming breath before I walked back over to the door, moved the chair, and opened the door for Rose.

"What the fuck?" Rose spat, pushing past me and tossing her purse on the bed. She had gone out to dinner with some guy she met a week ago, and I hadn't expected her home so early.

"Sorry," I muttered, shifting my eyes away from hers.

"Sorry? You're sorry? You kept me waiting out in the hallway for five fucking minutes. What the fuck were you doing in here?" she screeched, causing me to roll my eyes. "This is my room, too, Bella."

"No, really?" I said with a sardonic expression. "I assumed as much seeing as all your shit is over there."

"You're a bitch," she spat, "I've tried. I've asked you to hang out, nearly begged you to talk to me, but no. You just refuse. Maybe I'm not as good as you, Bella, but I'm not pond scum, either."

"As good as me?" I seethed and struggled to keep the tears at bay, not just because her words hurt but because they were true. "You have no idea who I am."

"Because you won't let me get to know you," she accused, and I flinched at her words, knowing she was right. "I've made every effort here, while you've pushed me away at every turn. Maybe I'm not rich, maybe I'm not from the same social circle as you are, Bella, but I'm still a person, goddamn it!"

Before I could say anything, my cell phone started ringing. I scrambled over to my desk and picked it up, sighing in relief when it was Carlisle. I shifted my eyes over to Rose before I grabbed my keys, shoved my feet into a pair of flip flops, and left her standing there with a look of hurt on her face.

By the time I made to the lobby, my phone had stopped ringing. I curled up in one of the couches, and called Carlisle back, unsurprised when it barely rang.

"Bella?" he asked, breathlessly.

"Hey," I whispered. "Sorry, I didn't think she was going to be home this early."

"It's all right," he replied. "Are you okay? You sound . . . I don't know, frustrated?"

"I'm . . ." I shook my head. "I don't know what I am. It's hard here, Carlisle."

"Is it the course load? Is it too hard?" he pressed, sounding like a father. Of course, not my father. My father hadn't called me in a week, and I didn't tend to have cyber-sex with him, either. Just the thought of that had bile rising in my mouth.

"No," I whispered. "I mean, it is difficult, but so far, I'm keeping up. It's everything else. I just . . . I feel so alone, and . . ."

"I do, too," he murmured. "I miss you. I don't know how many times this week I've picked up the phone to call or went online to book a flight."

"Why didn't you?" My question came out as an accusation, but I couldn't bring my take it back. "I called you at least a dozen times."

"I know." He sighed. "I had a lot of patients this week, and Esme insisted that we go see Alice and Emmett. Then, Charlie . . ." He trailed off. "I'm sorry. I should have called."

"Yeah," I muttered. "Is he okay? My dad? I haven't . . . he hasn't . . ."

"He's hanging in there," Carlisle said, cryptically. "I think he has a girlfriend."

"What?" I asked, sitting up. "Who?"

"I don't know," Carlisle said. "He hasn't said anything, Bella. It's just a feeling. When I was over there last night, he got a couple of phone calls, but when he's answer them, he'd smile but tell whoever it was that they had the wrong number. I don't know, maybe I'm making too much out of it."

"Yeah, maybe," I quipped. "So, um, Alice is okay?"

Carlisle inhaled a sharp breath. "She went to a couple of classes drunk, so she's on probation."

"Oh," I replied. I wasn't sure what to say. Alice had never been a huge drinker, so hearing that she was acting so odd made me wonder if my pulling away from her had caused her to act out.

"Yeah," he said. The sound of Esme calling out for him echoed through the phone. "I have to go. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," I whimpered. "I love you."

"Me too," he said, before hanging up.

Letting my phone fall into my lap, I curled up on the couch and let my tears fall. I missed him. I needed him. I wanted him. But he wasn't mine, not as long as he was married to her.

**Thank you for all the reviews. I feel the need to clarify a couple of things. First, this will not turn into an Edward/Bella story. Yes, Edward will have a place in the storyline, but no, it will not be as a part of a lover's triangle. Second, Carlisle does love Bella. Is he wrong for pursuing her like this? Yes, but he does love her. Third, you're all amazing with your reviews. **


	13. Chapter 13

"Bella," Jasper whispered. "Bella, darlin', wake up."

I groaned and pushed his hand off me. It wasn't until I felt my face hit the back of the couch that I remembered I wasn't in my bed, that I had cried myself to sleep on the couches in the lobby of my dorms. Grumbling, I shifted onto my back and pried my red, swollen eyes open, finding Jasper kneeling next to me with a look of concern on his face.

"Darlin', what are you doing down here?"

I shrugged my shoulders as I sat up. "Fell asleep watching a movie," I lied.

"Must have been a sad one, seeing as how you look like death," he groused, sitting up next to me.

I nodded and pulled my knees up in front of me. "Very depressing."

"Tell me about it," he suggested.

My shoulders tensed, but I couldn't stop myself from speaking. "A girl, young and stupid, is lured into a having a torrid affair with an older, wiser man, who is married. She knows it's wrong to want him, to crave his touch, but she can't stop herself from being with him."

"Why can't she?" Jasper asked.

I shifted my eyes up to his. "She's in love with him. When he's with her, she feels like . . . everything is perfect. But when he's not there, when he's with his wife, the girl struggles to even breathe without it hurting. And she can't tell anyone about their relationship because she's afraid of that they'll think she's a whore, which she is."

"Wow," Jasper muttered. "Sounds intense."

I nodded. "You have no idea."

"Does he leave her?" Jasper asked. "The wife, I mean."

"I don't know," I admitted. "I didn't see the end. Must have fallen asleep."

"Ah," he said, nodding. "I don't know, Bella. That guy sounds like a douche if you ask me."

I furrowed my brow.

"How can he love the girl, but not leave his wife?" Jasper pressed. "I mean, I'm not saying that he doesn't love her. Maybe he does. But if he really loved her, really wanted to be with her, he would find a way, wouldn't he?"

I frowned. "Maybe it's more complicated than that. I mean, you don't know the wife. She's . . . ." I trailed off because I honestly didn't know how Esme was. Before I started sleeping with her husband, she'd been like mother to me, but then again, maybe that was just an act. After all, she compared me to my real mother, the bitch who had walked out on me and left me alone.

"Darlin'," Jasper drawled, causing me to look over at him. "Where'd you go?"

I shook my head. "Just thinking."

He nodded and pressed his lips together in a thin line. "You know what you need?"

"A shot of tequila?" I guessed, knowing that Jasper's train of thought usually led to alcohol.

"Yes," he laughed, "but I was actually thinking that you need to go out and have some fun today. We should go into Boston today. Maybe we can go on a harbor cruise and check out the whales, or fuck, I don't know. We can decide when we get there."

Though I wasn't sure if I felt up to going, I knew I couldn't handle staying at the dorms and brooding all day, either. So with a nod, I stood up and said, "Give me ten minutes."

"All right, darlin'," he chuckled, leaning back on the couch and crossing his legs. "Hurry."

"I will, I will," I muttered, turning and walking over to the elevator.

When I walked into my room, I found Rose sitting on her bed. She was still in her pajamas, but she was painting her toenails. Her eyes lifted to mine, and for a moment, we just stared at each other. Hurt and anger filled hers, while shame swam in mine, I was sure.

"Where were you?" she asked, ending the silence.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I slept in the lobby."

"Oh." Rose turned her attention to her nails. "Do I need to find a new room?"

"Maybe," I said, turning to my closet. "I'm not the kind of person you should want to be friends with, Rose."

"Because I'm not good enough for you," she muttered. "Don't worry, the message has been received."

I sighed and looked over at her. "No, because I'm not worth it."

Rose shifted her attention to me and for a moment, we just stared at each other. "I'm here on scholarship, Bella."

"Me too," I told her, almost laughing when her eyes traveled to my laptop. "Gifts from a . . . friend."

"Nice friend," she quipped.

I turned back to my closet. "He can be."

"Look, I'm sorry about last night," Rose said. I pulled out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, tossing them on the bed before I looked over at her. "My date was horrible and I was in a bad mood. All I wanted to do was come home and curled up in bed and pretend it never happened. But when I got here, I couldn't get in, and then you just . . ."

"I just what?"

Rose huffed. "I've tried to get to know you, but you just keep pushing me away, and I don't understand why? Am I really that bad?"

I closed my eyes and sat on the side of my bed. "It's not you, Rose, it's me."

"Oh, my God, you're not going there," she snarked, causing my eyes to snap open. "You're breaking up with me?"

"I didn't realize we were going out," I jibed.

She laughed. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"Look, you seem nice. I've just got . . . so much shit going on right now." I paused. "I'm sorry. Really, I am."

"Yeah?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Me too," she said.

Standing up, I began to strip off my clothes and put on the jeans and T-shirt. "Um, what are you doing today?"

"Nothing," she replied.

I looked over at her again. "Well, this guy I met a few weeks ago is insisting on taking me to Boston for some fun. You want to come?"

"Um, no," she scoffed. "Being the third wheel on a date isn't my idea of fun."

"It's not a date," I laughed, and when she lifted an eyebrow, I added, "He's gay."

Her mouth opened just before she fell back on her bed and giggled. "Sorry."

"It's okay." I shrugged my shoulders. "So, you want to come?"

"Yeah, sure," she said, smiling. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Twenty minutes later, thanks to Rose insisting that she shower first, we stepped off the elevator. Jasper was still on the couch, though he was cringing away from the boy sitting next to him, the one leaning toward him. He looked over the shoulder of the boy, giving me a pleading look and begging me to save him. For a split second, I considered watching to see how he handled him, but in the end, I decided to have mercy on him.

"Baby, I am so sorry I'm late," I gushed, walking past the boy and climbing onto Jasper's lap, smiling when his hands landed awkwardly on my hips. The touch was so different than when Carlisle touched me. When he did, my skin shivered, I trembled with need. However, Jasper's touch was soothing and calming.

"I missed you," Jasper groaned, leaning in and pressing his lips against mine.

My eyes widened in surprise, finding his open to. I barely heard the boy next to us mutter something about seeing him around before he was on his feet and scrambling out of the dorm. In a heartbeat, Jasper had me off his lap and was wiping his lips off on the back of his hand.

"Ugh, sorry about that, darlin'."

I laughed. "It's fine. That guy looked like he was ready to mount you."

"Ew," Jasper whined, shuddering. "That's nasty."

Smirking, I stood up and gestured to Rose, who had watched us with a look of amusement on her face. "This is my roommate Rose. Rose, this is Jasper."

"Nice to meet you," Rose said, smiling.

"You too," he greeted her with an equally big grin. "Are you coming to the city with us?"

"If that's okay," she twittered, nervously.

"Of course it is!" Jasper exclaimed. "Now, let's go."

Rose and I followed Jasper outside, and that's where we realized that we were stuck. There was no way the three of us could fit on the back of his motorcycle, and I didn't have a car. So, instead, we took Rose's car: a beat up BMW that she told us she got a scrap yard and fixed up herself. Apparently, Rose had a way with cars, which explained why she was majoring in physics.

"Okay, Miss Rose," Jasper said from his place in the passenger seat. "Tell me who you are."

"Um, what do you want to know?" she asked, keeping her eyes on the road.

"Everything," he cooed, and I almost rolled my eyes. He was always so . . . damn perky.

"Excuse him, Rose. He's nosy," I twittered.

Jasper gasped and turned and looked at me. "That hurts, darlin'."

I shrugged my shoulders. "It's not a lie."

He pressed his lips together before he turned and faced the front. "Touché. But since you refuse to tell me anything about yourself," he grumbled, "I need her to share."

"Its fine, Bella," Rose said, switching lanes and passing a green mini-van. There were three kids in the backseat, two boys and a little girl. Their parents were sitting in the front, but it looked like they were arguing. "I'm from New York City."

"Oh, the Big Apple," Jasper chimed. "Any siblings?"

Rose shook her head. "My father died before I was born, and my mother never got over him. He was the love of her life."

"Aw, I'm sorry," he murmured. "So, she raised you on her own?"

She nodded. "Waiting tables at a cheap diner, sometimes working three or four shifts in a row before she would come home."

"Wow, I can't imagine," he said. "She must really love you."

Rose's lips pressed into a thin line. "One would think, wouldn't you? But no. I was a constant reminder of the life she had to give up. Nothing I ever did was good enough, not even getting into Yale."

"Oh, I'm sure that's not true," Jasper insisted.

She spared him a look. "When I got my acceptance letter, do you know what she said?"

He shook his head.

"She looked me in the eyes and said white trash like you will never make it in the Ivy League. You might as well give up now, honey. There's an opening on the night shift. About time you start making yourself useful." Rose pulled one hand off the wheel, dragging her fingers through her hair. "It didn't matter to her that I had worked my ass off to graduate with honors from one of the most prestigious private schools in the city, which I was only able to attend because one of my teachers from middle school paid my tuition. My mother wasn't going to let her at first, but when Mrs. Henderson threatened to take her to court, she gave in. The last thing my mother wanted was for her name to be in the papers. Someone might see that I was worthless. Her words, not mine.

"The kids at my school were rich, and they shunned me because I wasn't. The boys thought that because I have big tits and a nice ass that I'd fuck them, but I wasn't stupid. I wasn't about to let them fuck me and ruin any chance I had of getting away from my mother," Rose explained, and I felt shame once again.

Had I put my future on the line because of Carlisle? Would he cost me everything? Like Rose, I had worked hard to earn my spot at Yale, knowing that Forks offered me nothing. Or so I thought. Before I got involved with Carlisle, I had planned on leaving Forks and never looking back. But now, with Carlisle there, would I ever really be able to stay away?

"Bella," Jasper called, and I shook my head, looking over at him. "Where'd you go, darlin'?"

"Just thinking," I whispered, unable to keep the tremor from lacing my words.

He frowned. "We were thinking about going to the aquarium."

"Okay, sounds great," I murmured.

Though he gave me a look, he didn't say anything as he turned back around and gave Rose directions on how to get to the aquarium. All I could think about was Carlisle. Last night, seeing him on my screen, had me missing him more than I thought possible. He looked tired, and worn out. Was it possible that he missed me just as much as I missed him? Was the distance separating us affecting him, too?

Sighing, I dug my cell phone out of my back pocket and pulled up a text, sending him a message. _**Hey.**_

A few minutes later, he replied, _**Hey, beautiful. You okay?**_

Tears filled my eyes as my fingers flew over the keys. _**No. I miss you. I need you, Carlisle.**_

Rose turned into the parking lot of the aquarium and found a parking space, and Carlisle still hadn't responded. Sighing, I climbed out of the backseat and followed them inside, tossing some money at the girl selling tickets. We'd just stepped in front of a tank full of jelly fish when my phone pinged with a new message. _**I miss you, too. I should have news soon. I promise. Just wait for me, okay? I love you.**_

Tears flooded my eyes as I replied, _**I love you, too. Just hurry, because every day is getting harder.**_

"Bella, who are you texting?" Rose asked, placing her hand on my shoulder.

I closed out my messages, and looked up at her. A part of me wanted to tell her, share every detail of me and Carlisle with her, just to have someone to talk to, but the other part of me, the one that was ashamed of the woman I had become, couldn't tell her. Rose and I were just now becoming friends, and the last thing I wanted, or even needed, was to have her judging me, too.

"Um, nobody," I muttered, shoving it into my back pocket just as it pinged again. Rose cocked an eyebrow. "Don't."

"Okay," she said with a sigh.

As we made our way through the aquarium, I resisted the urge to look at my phone, to see what message he had sent me. It wasn't until we found ourselves standing in front of the Giant Pacific Octopus that I gave into temptation and pulled my phone from my back pocket and opened his message: _**My beautiful Isabella, I know that I've made a mess out of things. I had intended to be free of Esme by now, to be with you, but I'm not, at least not yet. But I swear to you, on my heart and soul, that I will be there. I love you, Isabella. You're my life, my everything, and one day, and I hope that day is soon, you and I will never have to be apart again. Until then, hold on the memory of my hands on your body, the feel of me inside you, and the knowledge that you are the love of my life.**_

As I read his words, tears filled my eyes and hope embraced me. Maybe we'd get to be together after all.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Pretty nasty mess, huh? At least Rose and Bella made up, kind of. Even though she hasn't told her or Jasper about Carlisle, at least she has someone, right?**


	14. Chapter 14

"Are you sure you don't want to come to New York with me?" Rose asked for that millionth time that morning alone.

I smiled as I looked up from my Western Civilization book. "No, thanks. I'm just going to stay here. Finals are coming up, and I need study."

Rose scoffed, but didn't say anything. While it was true that finals were just a couple of weeks away, I had an A in every class. Truth was, I didn't want to go home with Rose, or even Jasper. He had asked me before he left for Texas the day before, and I politely refused, especially since he had taken Jacob home to meet his family. Nothing like being the third wheel. So I had reassured both of them that I would be fine. And I hoped like hell that I would be.

"Okay, if you insist," she said, quietly. Turning, she sat on the side of my bed. "Promise me that you won't spend the entire weekend studying. Go shopping or to a movie. Something other than obsessing over your classes."

"I promise," I lied, knowing I had no intention of doing anything else.

It was clear based on the look on Rose's face that she didn't believe me. With a sigh, she stood up, grabbed her bag, and walked out of our room, letting the door close behind her. My eyes closed for just a moment as I released a deep breath. While Rose and I had become friends, I felt like she was judging me every time she looked at me, like she could see my shame all over me. And it didn't help that the day after Jasper, Rose, and I went into Boston, Carlisle had three dozen red roses delivered to my room, followed by a candy gram, and a bundle of balloons.

Not only that, but he'd been calling every day, several times a day. Sometimes, he'd just want to say hello, and others, he'd ask me to touch myself. He'd text me while I was in class, asking me to sneak off to the backroom and send him pictures of my breasts or pussy. And I did. Every fucking time. Because I needed him to see me, see how much I wanted him.

My cell phone chimed with a new voice mail, and I reached over and picked it up, grumbling when I realized that I had left it on silence. Sliding my finger alone the green arrow, I grimaced when I saw that I had three missed calls from Carlisle, two text messages, asking me why I was avoiding him, and another missed call, this one from my father.

He hadn't called in almost two weeks, and I hadn't made the effort, either. Especially after Carlisle shared his theory about him having a girlfriend. Sighing, I sent Carlisle a text, explaining that I hadn't been avoiding him, that I had forgotten to take it off silence after my last class. While I wanted for him to reply, I played Charlie's voice mail.

"Hey," he said, sounding awkward. "Um, sorry I haven't called. Been busy with work. Big case, and been spending a lot of time in Seattle. I guess you aren't coming home for Thanksgiving, since I haven't heard from you. I miss you, Bella. Miss you so much. Call me, okay? I'd like to hear your voice."

I erased the message, knowing that if I didn't, I would listen to it over and over. Yeah, he missed me. He missed me so much he hadn't called in two weeks. He missed me so much that he hadn't even texted me, made any kind of effort to communicate with me. Just like he had all summer. I wasn't important to Charlie Swan at all.

Taking my phone off silent, I placed it on my bed and returned my attention to my studies.

—INN—

Late in the day, I was pulled away from my studying when someone knocked on my door. I groaned as I climbed off the bed, muttering four letter words as I stumbled over. I figured the dorms would have been empty by now, seeing as tomorrow was Thanksgiving. Huffing, I fumbled with the lock and threw open the door, only to gasp and throw my hands up to my mouth. There, standing in my doorway was Carlisle.

He smirked and opened his arms. "Hey, baby."

"Are you really here?" I whispered, reaching out and grabbing his hands.

"I am," he said, pulling me into his arms and burying his face in my neck. "God, I've fucking missed you!"

"I missed you, too," I cried.

Carlisle slid his hands down, grabbing my ass and lifting me off the ground. He carried me into my room, kicking the door shut with his foot before walking over to my bed and laying me down, sending my books flying with a swipe of his hand. I brought my hands to his face, needing to touch him. His eyes were dark, deep circles caressed them, but he looked happy.

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you think I'm doing here?" he laughed. "I came to see you."

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" I demanded, scooting so that I was sitting up.

"I tried," he laughed. "You didn't answer your phone. I wasn't sure I'd be able to get away until this morning. Once I knew I could, I packed a bag and hopped on the plane."

"What happened this morning?" I asked.

His eyes darkened. "I served Esme with the divorce papers."

My eyes widened. "You did?"

He nodded. "She wasn't happy, but I've done it. Now, I can focus on getting things set up here so that I can be here with you, permanently."

"I like the sound of that," I whispered. "Was she mad? About the divorce papers, I mean?"

"Yeah," he admitted. "She, um, was pretty pissed."

There was something in his tone, something I didn't understand, something that had me worried. "What she'd do?"

"I doesn't matter," he mumbled, shifting his eyes away from mine. It was then, as the dull lighting in my room hit the side of his head, right up next to his hairline, that I saw the bruise. Gasping, I brought my hand up, brushing my fingers over it. He pulled his head away from my touch, whispering, "Don't."

"She did that, didn't she?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Wasn't the first time she's hit you, is it?" I pressed, and he shook his head. "How long?"

"Too long," he admitted. "She has a wicked temper."

"Why'd you stay with her if she's been hurting you?" I asked, climbing off the bed and grabbing my flashlight, trying to get a better look at the bruise. It didn't look too bad, not that I knew anything about how bruises should look.

"Because, until I had you, I didn't have a reason to leave," he said, sliding his hands over my hips.

"How about your safety?" I scoffed, dropping the flashlight onto the bed and placing my hands on his chest, fumbling with the buttons on his shirt.

"What are you doing?" he asked, smiling as I undid the first button.

"Taking your shirt off," I laughed.

"Why?" He smirked, dipping his hands into my sweatpants and grabbing my ass.

"It's in the way," I replied, undoing two more buttons.

Laughing, he shoved my pants down to my feet. "These are in the way, too."

My skin warmed as I stepped out of my pants, and turned my attention back to his shirt, unbuttoning the last of it. Sliding it down his shoulders and tossing it onto the floor, I pushed him onto his back and straddled him. Smiling as I looked down at him, I placed one hand next to his head, while I allowed the other to roam over his body, touching him while trying to access him for any additional injuries. Somehow, I knew that he was good at hiding his bruises, hiding the way his _wife_ had been treated him. But I didn't see any, though when I touched his ribs, he inhaled a sharp breath, causing me to look up at him.

"It tickled," he murmured. "She only hit me in the head. Threw a book at me, and threatened to ruin me."

I nodded, but didn't reply, knowing that if I did, I would spout off horrible and despicable threats of my own over the woman who had harmed him. It was no wonder that his passion for me was so intense. He'd been trapped for years with a monster, with a vile disgusting bitch, who thought she had the right to hurt others.

Carlisle's hands slipped under my shirt, pulling it upward. I smiled as I leaned up and let him take it off me. As usual, I wasn't wearing a bra. His hands moved to my breasts, his fingers pulling and pinching at my nipples. I moaned, loving the way he touched me. Carlisle rolled us so that I was laying beneath him, his eyes drifting over my nearly nude body.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear him. "I love you. You know that, right? I love you so much."

"I love you, too," I murmured, sliding my hand across his cheek to the back of his head. I pulled his mouth down to mine, giving him a searing kiss. He moaned, one hand sliding under my body and lifting me off the bed. I could feel his cock through his jeans, and I needed him. More than ever, I needed to feel him inside of me.

Ending our kiss, I reached between us and fumbled with his belt. Carlisle laughed as he leaned up on his knees and undid his pants, shoving them to his knees before he leaned forward again and kicked them off, along with his boxers.

"Just so you know, I plan on buying you more panties," he told me, and before I could ask him what he was talking about, he grabbed the side of my panties and ripped them off.

"Those were my favorite!" I gasped.

He laughed. "Mine, too, but they were in the way of what I want."

"And what's that?"

Carlisle's eyes drifted down my nude body. "You."

"Just my body, or all of me?" I asked.

His gaze lifted to mine. "Heart, soul, and body."

"Good, because I need your heart, soul, and body, too," I whispered.

Carlisle kissed me as he shifted his hips forward, filling me with his cock. I moaned into his mouth, my hands clutching at every inch I could of him. His body moved fluidly over mine, taking and giving with every thrust. In that moment, as we made love, it didn't matter that we'd been apart for the last three months, or that our relationship was forbidden.

Crying out, I felt my body tense around his as I orgasmed, drawing him into my body further. Carlisle groaned, his thrusts becoming erratic and needy, and I knew his own release was coming. Tangling my hands in his hair, I pulled his lips down to mine and thrust my tongue into his mouth. Carlisle's hand gripped my though, driving himself deeper into me with every thrust.

His lips tore away from mine as he growled, releasing inside of me. Carlisle collapsed onto the bed next to me, a goofy smile rested on his lips as he nestled me against him. As we drifted off to sleep, sated in our love for each other, I felt my body relax for the first time since he left me here three months ago.

—INN—

I woke up the next morning alone. If it wasn't for the fact that I was naked, I would have thought that Carlisle's presence in my room was something I'd dreamed. But I could still feel the delicious ache between my legs, my reminder of how he'd made love to me.

The sound of someone unlocking my room had me clutching the sheet up to my chest, and when the door opened, I saw that Carlisle walk in with two cups of coffee in his hands and a bag of donuts in the other. His hair was mess, sticking up in every direction and I knew he hadn't been up long.

"Where'd you go?" I asked, pouting. "I don't like waking up without you."

"Sorry," he snickered, tossing me the bag of donuts. "Your stomach woke me up, so I figured I'd better get you some food."

"And you thought these would be a good idea?" I asked, picking out a nice maple donut.

"Are you saying you don't want it?" he asked, sitting on the side and offering me one of the coffees.

I shook my head and smiled as I took the foam cup from him. "Never said that, did I?

"No." He took a sip of coffee, watching as I took a bit of my donut. His eyes narrowed as I snaked my tongue out of my mouth and licked the frosting off my lip. "Tease."

"How am I a tease?" I laughed.

"You know how," he grumbled, taking the bag from me and grabbing his own donut. "Are they good?"

"Yes," I purred, taking another bit. "You know, for something sugary."

Carlisle hummed as we ate our donuts and drank our coffee, neither of us taking our eyes off the other. When we were done, he tossed our trash into the bin and laid down on the bed next to me, his arm dangling over my waist and nestling his face against the side of my neck.

"What do you want to do today?" he whispered.

"Stay here and make love," I giggled.

He laughed, leaning up on his elbow and kissing the tip of my nose. "We could do that. Or we could go sightseeing. I'll be moving here soon. Don't you think we need to scout the area? See where we want to live?"

"We?" I asked, breathlessly.

He nodded. "As soon as I get settled, you're moving in with me. I don't want to spend even one night away from you, baby."

I smiled. "Okay."

"You mean it? You'll move in with me?" he asked, sounding shocked.

"Of course I will," I laughed. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he murmured, sliding his lips over mine. "Not get your sexy ass up."

"Okay, okay," I sniggered, climbing off the bed. "Want to shower with me?"

"Fuck yeah," he growled, scrambling after me.

An hour later, we'd managed to shower, dress, and were on our way down to his car. New Haven was chilly and the taste of snow was in the air. As we toured the neighborhoods, Carlisle pointed out a few houses that he was interested in calling about. And for the first time in months, I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe we've be able to be together.

**Thank you for all the reviews. **


	15. Chapter 15

"You can't be serious?" I laughed, looking at the man who was sitting behind the wheel of the black Mercedes.

Carlisle smirked. "Oh, come on. It'll be fun!"

I scoffed and looked back out my window. We were parked in front of a large, very expensive house that was for sale in Boston. Carlisle and I had driven into the city and were driving around when we saw the open house. He wanted to go inside and explore, as he put it. While I wasn't sure we should even be contemplating making such a decision together. Of course, that had everything to do with the phone call that had woken us up early that morning. The one from his wife.

Esme had been furious, screaming through the phone that Carlisle would pay for leaving her, pay for everything. For the first time, I saw just how scared he was of that woman and worried about his safety when he went back to Forks. I tried to convince him not to leave, to stay with me, but he had a contract with the hospital. Though he assured me that he had already started packing his stuff and would be moving out as soon as he got there. Even if that meant leaving with nothing but the clothes he had with him. But still, I worried. It was clear that Esme Cullen was a dangerous woman.

"Bella, come on!" he begged, tugging at my hand.

I groaned. "Fine. Whatever!"

Doing this awkward cheering, laughing combination, Carlisle climbed out of the car and rushed around to my side, offering me his hand. I nearly rolled my eyes, but stop myself and allowed him to help me out of the car. He slid his arm around my waist, nestling me against him as we walked up the large, circle driveway. The house was obscenely too big, but then again, I had grown up in a two bedroom, one bathroom house with barely enough room to move, while he was used to the comfort that big houses offered.

"Wow, look at this place," he murmured, under his breath as we walked inside. It felt like we had just stepped into magazine. The floors in the entry way were a deep, coffee colored marble, that lead throughout the house. There was a winding staircase, the banister made of a deep oak.

"Hello," a woman greeted us. She had silky black hair and large, black eyes that darted between the two of us with peaked interest. "I'm Heidi Keller. How are you today?"

"It's nice to meet, Ms. Keller," Carlisle cooed as he took her outstretched hand, and I found myself once again, struggling not to gauge her eyes out with my fingers. "My wife and I are doing fabulous."

"Wife?" she asked, her eyes flittering to me just in time for me to hide my surprise.

"Yes," he said, leaning down and kissing my head. "Newlyweds, married just a few weeks. After an extended honeymoon on Fiji, we've settled back in the city, but realize that it's time to consider our future. You know, kids and such."

The lies poured out of his mouth like silk, but it was the fact about having kids that shocked me the most. Did he want to have children with me? He already had three grown children, did he expect me to have more with him? Did I even want children? These weren't issues that we had discussed, and I found myself struggling to keep myself in control of my emotions. He and I really hadn't considered what kind of future we were going to have together.

"Yes, well, this place is ideal for a family," Heidi rambled, going on to give us all the details the five million dollar house offered. Six bedrooms, four bathrooms, two living areas, formal dining, three car garage, state-of-the-art kitchen, every amenity that one could be looking for including three fireplaces, a small office, maids quarters, and an indoor, heated pool. "I'll give you two a chance to look around," she said as another couple came into the house.

Carlisle thanked her before his arm tightened around me and he swept me up the stairs so we could look at the bedrooms. He whisked me into the master bedroom, and closed the doors behind us, his eyes raking over my body.

"Come here," he ordered, and I found myself walking over to him before I could stop myself. He placed his hands on my hips, tugging my body firmly against his. "On your knees, baby."

My breath hitched in my chest as I sunk to my knees, the plush carpeting was soft. Carlisle didn't say anything else as he began to unbutton his jeans, lowering the zipper and slipping his cock out of his pants. He was hard and there was a pool of pre-cum pooling around the tip. He reached out and grabbed the back of my head, pulling me forward while pressing the head of his cock at my lips. Automatically, my mouth opened and he pushed himself in, moaning when he hit the back of my throat.

"Fuck," he hissed, keeping his hand on the back of my head as he began fucking my mouth.

Truly fucking me as his hips shifted and he held me still, using my mouth for his pleasure. I placed my hands on his thighs, needing to give myself lavage as he pushed his cock further and deeper into my throat with each shift of his hips. His breathing was ragged and my name fell from his lips, telling my how good my mouth felt, what a good cocksucker I was, how much he loved it when I used my mouth on him, letting him fuck him whenever he wanted. And he was right. He owned me, every part of me, and I knew I'd never be able to deny him the right to my body.

"Oh, fuck, baby, I'm coming," he cried, yanking on my hair as he buried himself in my mouth and released his come down my throat. I struggled to swallow all of him, needing to breath, but couldn't pull myself away from him. Tears burned my eyes as I frantically pushed against his legs, begging him to release me. After, what felt like an eternity, he released me, looking down at me with a pleased expression. At least, until I started choking as I tried to take a deep breath.

"Oh, my God, baby, are you okay?" he asked, grabbing my arm and pulling me up to my feet.

"Yes," I choked, my eyes watering even more as I coughed and gasped for air.

"No, you're not," he grumbled. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

Managing to take a deep breath, I placed my hands on his face and did my bed to calm him down. "I'm okay, baby. I promise."

His eyes darkened, and I knew he was struggling with what had just happened, so I leaned up on my toes and pressed my lips to his. He moaned, his hands automatically grabbing my hips and pulling me against him as his tongue explored my mouth. I knew he could taste himself on my tongue, and it turned me on. However, before I could touch him again, we heard voices outside of the room, just before someone attempted to open the door he was leaning against.

"Hello?" Heidi called, knocking on the door. "Who's in there? Open this door at once!"

Carlisle muttered under his breath as he shoved himself back inside his pants, yanked the zipper up, and rebuttoned his pants. Turning to the door, he pulled it open. Heidi looked from him to me, and back with a grimace.

"Get out," she ordered, gesturing toward the stairs.

Carlisle reached back and grabbed my hand before he pulled me out of the room behind him, down the stairs, and out to his rental car. Once we were inside, he peeled away from the curb and began laughing.

"Did you see her fucking face?" he chortled, looking over at me. "Oh, come on, baby. You have to admit that was fun."

"A little," I said.

He sighed, but didn't say anything else as he drove. Twenty minutes later, he pulled up in front of a small Italian restaurant and cut the engine, looking over at me. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I just thought it would be fun, you know? The hidden danger and all."

"I know," I murmured. "And it was fun, but . . ."

"But yeah," he groused, looking back at the restaurant.

Without another word, he opened his door and climbed out of the car. I followed him and we walked inside. The hostess looked us over and smiled before leading us to a table in the back. The setting was romantic, soft music was playing, each table was lit up by flickering candlelight. We picked up our menus and looked over our options just as our waiter stopped at our table.

"Bella?"

I looked up and saw Garrett standing at our table. Based on the long black apron around his waist and tray tucked up under his arm, he worked here. "Oh, hey."

Garrett looked from me to Carlisle, who wasn't smiling. "I thought you'd be going home for Thanksgiving. Didn't Jasper invite you?"

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, he did, but I said no. Felt weird with Jacob going with him."

He nodded, before shifting his eyes to Carlisle again. "Well, can I get you something to drink?"

"Water," I ordered, while Carlisle grunted and said, "Scotch, straight up."

Garrett looked over at me before he turned and walked away. Taking a deep breath, I turned back to Carlisle, finding him glaring at me. "What?"

"What? What!" he snarled, leaning forward. "Who the fuck was that, Isabella?"

"A friend," I replied. "More like a friend of a friend."

"This _Jasper_ person," he hissed, saying Jasper's name like it was poison.

I nodded. "Yes, whose gay so stop being so fucking dramatic."

"Don't talk to me like that," he seethed, slamming his hand on the table, causing those sitting around us to stare. From the corner of my eye, I saw Garrett turn in our direction.

"You're making a scene," I whispered. "Jasper is a friend, someone I study with in the library. He's gay, Carlisle. Garrett is a friend of his, and is also gay. I am allowed to have friends, or would you prefer I just wallowed away here without you, because without Jasper, I probably would have already killed myself," I cried, standing up and walking away from his table.

I saw Garrett take a step in my direction, but I shook my head, not really wanting him to add fuel to the fire. Carlisle had no idea how hard the last few months without him had been. I had nobody here, nobody to talk to, nobody that would understand why it hurt to get up every morning, why every breath caused my chest to ache. Jasper had befriended me without question, without the pressure of knowing my dirty little secret, and I still hadn't confided in him.

Throwing the door to the restaurant open, I gasped for air, struggling to keep myself from falling apart right then and there. A pair of grabbed my hips, pulling me backward. As Carlisle held me, I let the torrent of tears fall, unable to keep them inside any longer.

"You just left me here," I cried. "Alone. I had no one and nothing. I could barely breath, barely function. Jasper was there for me."

"I'm sorry," Carlisle whispered.

"I should have told you about him, but I knew you'd react like this, and I . . ."

"You what?"

"I thought you were done with me," I admitted as I pulled myself out of his arms and looked at him. "You stopped calling, stop texting. I thought maybe you were done with me. It hurt."

He sighed, dragging his hand through his hair. "When I got back to Forks, after dropping you off here, I planned on giving her the papers immediately. But then her mother had the stroke, and I knew that if I gave them to her, it would just make things worse. You don't understand the person that she is. She's violent and mean. You don't know how many times I've had to cover for her, how many times she'd break window during one of her fits and I had to clean up after her. My kids saw that, Bella. They saw the way she reacted to everything. And I got scared, Bella. I'm man enough to admit that I'm terrified of her."

"So stay," I begged, grabbing the front of his shirt. "Don't go back. Stay here with me. Please?"

"I can't," he exclaimed, and I released him, only for him to grab my hands. "Baby, I would if I could, but if I skip out on my contract at the hospital, I won't be able to find another job. They will blackball me."

"So what?" I said. "Get a job at fucking Wal-Mart for all I care, just stay here with me."

He sighed and released my hands. "I can't."

"You choose not to," I muttered, turning away from him. "This isn't going to work. You there, me here."

"Baby, I just need a few more weeks," he whispered, wrapping his arms around me. "I've already sent my resume out to a dozen hospitals in the area. Just . . . be patient with me. Please."

"I have been," I mumbled. "But it hurts too much when you're not here."

"I know," he grumbled, turning me so that I was facing him. "It hurts me, too."

"Yeah?" I asked, and he nodded. "Then choose me over your life there. If you leave me here alone, don't come back."

Pulling myself away from him, I walked over to his car and waited for him. Our drive back to New Haven was made in silence. I hated that I had to give him an ultimatum, but I couldn't handle living without him again. Carlisle pulled up in front of my dorms and cut the engine. However, before I could open the door to the car, he reached out and grabbed my hand.

"Okay," he whispered, and I looked over at him. "I won't go back."

"Promise?"

He nodded. "I promise."

While I heard the sincerity in his vow, I didn't know if he was lying or telling me the truth.

**Thank you for all the reviews. It's amazing the hostility everyone had toward Carlisle. Hehe.**


	16. Chapter 16

"Stay," Carlisle whined, grabbing my hips and pulling me against him as I tried to get out of bed.

"I can't," I giggled as his fingers trailed along my sides, leaving a wake of goose bumps behind. "Carlisle, let me go."

"No," he growled, shifting so that he had one leg wrapped around me, which meant his cock was pressed against my ass.

We'd spent all afternoon in bed, making love and talking, but mostly making love. But I needed to leave. Rose and Jasper had cornered me after my last class and demanded that I meet them at the library so we could study for finals, which were next week. They'd been asking me for three days, ever sense they arrived back at school, but every time they asked, I said I was busy. Which was partially true. I had been studying, just not at the library.

Carlisle stayed with me in the dorms for one more night before he got himself a hotel room. He said he didn't feel comfortable staying with me, knowing that Rose would be in the bed next to us. I understood. Hell, as far as she was concerned, he was my father. I'm sure she wouldn't like that fact that he was fucking me. So, he checked into a hotel just off campus, and since I couldn't stay away from him, I packed enough clothes for the week and moved in with him.

I went to class, though. He insisted that I couldn't miss even one session. He drove me there, picked me up, and took me back to the hotel, where we'd make love most of the afternoon. Then, I'd study, or try to study at least. It was difficult with him sitting on the bed behind me, knowing that he was watching. After a few hours of studying and a quick dinner from room service, we'd make love again before falling asleep. It was amazing. He was finally mine. Well, almost. Esme had been calling non-stop, demanding he go back to Forks, threatening him if he didn't. While he put on a brave face, I could tell his scared he was of her. For a brief moment, I considered calling my father, telling him about the threats being made, but I couldn't. If Charlie knew about us, I doubted that he wouldn't be the one to kill Carlisle.

"I promise to be back soon," I told him. "But I have to go study with Rose and Jasper. I promised."

At the mention of Jasper's name, he tensed up and he rolled away from me. "Fine."

I sighed as I sat up, wrapping the sheet around me and looking over at him. "I can't spend all of my time here, Carlisle."

"No, I know," he said, giving me a fake smile. "You'd better go. You're going to be late."

Rather than argue with him, I climbed off the bed and walked into the bathroom, turning on the water. The last thing I needed or wanted was to smell like sex. Neither Rose nor Jasper knew about Carlisle. When I walked out of the bathroom, already dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, I found Carlisle standing in front of the window, one hand pressed against the glass while the other was his hip. He's slipped on a pair of plaid pajama pants, but hadn't put on a shirt.

I walked up behind him, wrapped my arms around his waist, and laid my head on his back.

He sighed, the hand from his hip sliding across my arm and covering my hands. "I know it's stupid to be jealous of him, but it's like he has this part of you that I don't get to have. I hate it because I want all of you, Bella."

"You already have all of me," I whispered.

"Yeah," he murmured.

I released my hold on him and grabbed my backpack from the bottom of the bed. "Can I bring us some dinner?"

He looked over his shoulder at me, smiling. "Nah, I'll have room service send something for us up later. Sure you won't let me drive you? I can sit on the other side of the library, read some medical journals."

"Um, no," I scoffed. "I know you, and somehow, you'll talk me into meeting you in the stacks and I'll never get any studying done."

Carlisle sighed, but nodded.

"I love you," I said.

"I love you, Bella. More than anything in the entire world." There was something in the way he spoke that had me nervous. "You'd better go before I tie you to the bed and never let you go."

"As tempting as that offer is, I'll see you in a bit," I murmured, walking over to him and giving him a kiss.

A snowstorm had crept over much of the east coast the day before, leaving the ground covered in freshly fallen snow. Ten minutes later, I parked in the lost next to the library and headed inside, finding Rose and Jasper sitting at my usual table in the back, their books already spread out in front of them.

"Hey, sorry, I'm late," I mumbled, falling into the chair next to Jasper.

He snorted, and looked over at me. His eyes were red and puffy, like he'd been crying. The idea of him shedding tears had my heart aching. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head and turned back to his Abnormal Psychology book. "Jacob and I broke up."

"What? Why?" I asked.

He dropped his pen and fell back into his chair. "He cheated on me."

Rose gasped. "No!"

"Yep," he grumbled. "With Riley! Has been for the last six months! I fucking loved him. He was . . . my first . . . everything," he muttered.

"How'd you find out?" I asked.

Jasper dragged his hand over his face and through his hair. "So, you know how I took him home to meet my family, right?"

Rose and I nodded.

"Well, he'd been acting real funny about it for the last few weeks. I figured he was just afraid my parents wouldn't like him or something. I kept telling him that it was going to be okay, that my parents were going to love him because he made me happy. When we arrived in Houston on Wednesday, he was real jittery. He kept getting these text messages and would walk away from me to answer them. I mean, I should have known then that nothing was okay. Jacob doesn't like to text, says that it's how lazy people communicate." Jasper rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, my parents were there to pick us up, so I introduce them. My mom was way too friendly, insisting on hugging him and everything. I could tell it made him uncomfortable, but I couldn't very well push her off of him and tell her to stop, right?"

"Right," I murmured.

"Dad was grinning like a fool, talking about how cute we were. I wanted to die, because my dad was doing that shit just to embarrass me. So, they finally stop and we grab our bags and go back to the house. My little brother and sister were throwing a million questions at him, totally overwhelming him. And his damn cellphone just wouldn't stop going off. Eventually, we go to bed, and I thought everything would be okay, because the awkwardness of the first meeting was over. The next morning, I had gotten up early and went with my dad to check on the readings for some of the rigs he manages.

"When we got back, Jacob was in the kitchen with my mom. But my little brother was in the living room with Jacob's phone. He looked up at me and said, 'Jay, what's a cocksucker?'"

"No!" Rose gasped.

Jasper frowned and nodded "My brother is only eleven, and my sister was sitting right next to him. She's seven fucking years old! My dad nearly choked on his tongue and demanded that he see tell him where he'd heard such a term. My brother shrugged his shoulders and held out Jacob's phone. My dad ripped it out of his hands, and glared at me, like it was my fault." Jasper leaned forward and placed his elbow on the table. "Jacob and I don't sext each other."

I reached over and wrapped my hand around his arm.

"My mom and Jacob came running out of the kitchen to find out what the commotion was all about, and I knew. I mean, I didn't know who, but I knew he had been talking to another guy. Jacob looked from me to his phone in my father's hand and back at me, his eyes widening and . . . I grabbed his phone before he could and ran outside. When I saw that little asshole's name on the ID, and I saw everything they'd been saying to each other." Jasper looked up at me. "I'd begged Jacob to talk dirty to me, to have some fun, but he said he didn't feel comfortable with it. He fucking felt fine doing it with Riley, though, didn't he?"

"What'd Jacob say?" I asked.

"He didn't even deny it. He said that he loved me, but that he wasn't in love with me, and that he'd been trying to figure out how to break it off with me for since the semester started. I told him that would have been nice seeing as I just brought him home to meet my family. I was humiliated, Bella. He just grabbed his phone, said he was sorry, went inside to pack his shit, and left. Left me there to deal with my humiliation and my parents' anger."

"They were mad at you?" Rose asked, shock on her face.

"No, not really," he grumbled. "Mostly at him for being a douche, but at me for daring to find him attractive. My brother and sister kept asking where he went, when he was coming back. I mean, how am I supposed to answer that?"

"Have you talked to him since you got back?" I wondered.

Jasper shook his head. "He's called a couple of times, but I let it go to my voice mail and then delete it. I don't care what he wants, he's an asshole. He kept telling me that he loved me, that with med school his time with me was limited, but clearly that was just another excuse to fuck me over." He paused, picking up his pen and drumming it on his notebook. "I just . . . I thought we were going to be together forever. I was a fool."

"You can't blame yourself, Jasper," Rose said. "People like Jacob and Riley don't think about how much they are hurting others by their selfish behavior. You're better off without him. Anyone who would cheat on someone they are supposed to love is a loser."

Rose's words hit me like a wrecking ball and before I realized what I was doing, I had grabbed my backpack and took off running through the library, throwing open the double doors, and gasping for air as tears flooded my eyes. She was right, of course. Carlisle and I were hurting everyone with our affair. My father, his wife, his children, they'd all be crushed when our betrayal became known. And with him here with me, it was only a matter of time before Alice knew, before Emmett and Edward knew. Before my father knew what a whore I was.

"Bella," Jasper called, grabbing my arm and spinning me around to face him. Seeing the hurt etched on his face from Jacob's betrayal had me cringing away from him, my tears seeping down my face. "Darlin', what's wrong?"

"I can't tell you," I cried, trying feebly to free myself from his grasp.

"You can tell us anything," Rose said, reaching toward me, but I flinched away, finally able to free myself from Jasper's hold. "Bella!"

"I'm not who you think I am," I cried, wrapping my arms around my torso.

"Who do you think we think you are?" Jasper asked, frowning.

"A good person," I whispered, looking away from him. "Someone worth your time, your friendship." I turned back to him. "I've been having an affair with my father's best first for six, almost seven months now. He's married, three kids. In fact, his daughter was my best friend until I pushed her away. And I know it's stupid to want him, to need him, to fucking love him so much it hurts," I cried, bringing my hand up and covering my heart. "But I do. I love him. He's . . . he's the one person who doesn't judge, who tells me I'm beautiful, that I'm okay just how I am. And I know it's wrong, but I can't . . ." I shook my head. "I can't give him up."

"Wow," Rose murmured, blowing out the breath she'd been holding.

Jasper just stood there with his eyes wide, full of hurt. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"What was I supposed to say?" I sniffed. "Hi, my name is Bella and I'm fucking the forty-five year old man who just happens to be my father's best friend? Pretty sure that wouldn't have gone over very well."

"The man who brought you to school?" Rose asked. "That's him, isn't it?"

I nodded.

"Guess that explains the way you acted that day," she muttered, crossing her arms in front of her.

"Suppose," I grumbled.

An awkward, tense silence fell over the three of us. I knew they were trying to process what I'd told them, trying to understand how a girl like me got into this mess, but they couldn't. Hell, I couldn't understand it. It was irrational and foolish, but it was what it was.

"It's okay, you know," I whispered, knowing they could hear me.

"What's okay?" Jasper asked.

I looked up at him and Rose. "If you don't want to be my friends anymore. I'll understand. It's the price I'm going to pay to be with him."

Jasper shook his head. "I don't understand it, Bella. You know that it won't be pretty, right? I mean, does his wife know?"

I shook my head.

"Is he leaving her?" Rose asked.

Biting my lip, I nodded. "He already has. He's here in New Haven," I told them. "He surprised me for Thanksgiving and he's staying. He left her for me."

"So, that's where you've been the last three nights?" Rose asked.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"Look, I can't speak for Jasper, Bella," Rose started, "but while I don't agree with your choice to be with this man, I'm not turning my back on you."

My lips trembled as I asked, "You're not?"

She shook her head. "I'm worried about you. About you getting hurt, but you're an adult and I won't turn away from you. Not when I think you really need me."

"Yeah, me too," Jasper grumbled. "I don't know this asshole, and yes, I think he's an asshole. He's married. He made a commitment to his wife. If he wants to be with you, he should have divorced her first. And I don't support your decision to be with him, but you're my friend, darlin', and that won't change. Just . . . just do me a favor and really think about what you're doing with this guy. Please?"

"Okay, I will," I lied.

"Good, now can we go study?" he asked. "I'd really like to think about something other than Jacob right now."

"Okay," I agreed.

After a few hours inside the library, the three of us called it a night. Both Jasper and Rose begged me to go back to the dorms with her, saying that they worried about me going back to the hotel, but I assured them that I was okay.

Climbing back into Carlisle's rental car, I drove back to the hotel and made my way up to his room. Using the key that he'd given me, I let myself in and felt my heart clench in my chest. Carlisle was gone, and a quick look around the room confirmed that he and everything he'd brought to New Haven was gone. Sitting on the bed was a note with my name scrawled across it. My feel felt like lead as I walked over and picked it up, opening it at the fold.

_**Bella,**_

_**I'm sorry. I wanted to stay. More than anything, I wanted to stay. But I couldn't. This isn't the end of us, I promise. Please, don't hate me. I'll call soon and explain, but just know that I love you. I love you so much.**_

_**I'll always love you,**_

_**Carlisle**_

_**P.S. The car's yours. I bought it yesterday, but seeing as I've had to leave, I'm giving it to you. Again, I love you.**_

Letting the note fall from my fingers, I slid off the bed onto the floor, wrapped my arms around my torso, and sobbed into the carpet. He'd left me. Once again, he'd left me.

**Thank you for all the reviews. And, yeah, it's getting worse, and this is just the beginning.**


	17. Chapter 17

"Bella," Rose called, and I closed my eyes, trying to ignore what I knew was about to come out of her mouth. "Bella, are you okay?"

Opening my eyes, I slipped my hand under my Western Civilization book and closed it before climbing off my bed, shoving the book into my backpack, and turned to her. The look in her eyes, the pity pouring out of them, was exactly why I couldn't talk to her. Without a word, I walked out of our room, knowing that she was just trying to help. The problem? She couldn't. I was dead inside. Lost and alone, and just fucking dead.

The library was swamped. This was finals week and it would appear that everyone had decided that it was time to buckle down and put a little work in. Looking around for a free table, I wasn't surprised when I saw Jasper sitting at our usual table in the back with his cell phone pressed against his ear. He shifted his eyes over to me and started to smile, but I turned away from him, as I have all week. Just like with Rose, I saw the pity in his eyes.

Walking over to the stairs, I headed up to see if I could find an empty table, but there wasn't one. Instead, I found a corner in the back and sat on the floor. I dug my iPod out of my bag, the one Carlisle had insisted I needed, and put my ear buds in my ears, set an obnoxiously loud playlist before I opened my Western Civilization book and tried to focus on my studying. Try because no matter how hard I worked, I couldn't stop thinking about Carlisle.

He'd left me. Gone without as much as a goodbye. He called constantly, but I couldn't speak to him. Instead, I let his calls go to my voice mail, ignored his text messages, and tried to study for my finals. At least, I was trying to ignore him. At night, when I found myself unable to sleep, unable to keep the tears from falling, I sat in the hallway and listened to every message he left. He pleaded with me to talk to him, begged me not to hate him. And I didn't. I couldn't hate him, but I couldn't talk to him, either. Not when I knew he was with _her_ instead of being here with me.

"Hey," Jasper said, tugging one of my buds out of my ear. I shifted my eyes up to his for a moment before I reached for the fallen ear bud, but he pulled the other one out and yanked my iPod from my lap. "What are you studying?"

I rolled my eyes as I lifted my book.

Jasper sighed and sat down next to me. "Talk to me."

Tears filled my eyes as I pushed my book off my lap and pulled my knees up to my chest. "I can't."

"Why not?" he pleaded, reaching for my hand, but I pulled away. "Damn it, Bella!"

From elsewhere in the library, a dozen people said, "Shh."

It was almost funny. Almost. Jasper grabbed my hand and pulled it to his chest, placing my palm over his heart. The tears I'd been fighting, the ones I only let fall in the middle of the night when Rose was asleep, trickled down my face, and I looked over at him.

"He left me," I cried. "He said he was staying, and then he left."

"I know," he whispered, sliding his other arm around my waist and nestling me against his chest. "I'm sorry he hurt you."

"I love him," I wept. "I hate him for leaving, but I still love him, and it hurts so much. I can't think, and I can't . . . I don't . . ."

Jasper didn't say anything else, knowing me well enough to know that I wasn't ready to hear what he really thought. He and Rose had made it clear how they felt when I showed up at the dorms a week ago, the very night I'd told them about Carlisle. I couldn't stay at the hotel, not when the bed smelled like him. So I gathered my shit, left the key on the dresser, climbed into the car he'd left for me, and drove back to the dorms. I stumbled out into the building, managed to make it into the elevator, and up to mine and Rose's room, where I collapsed on the floor and cried. That's where Rose found me after she came back from the showers. She called Jasper, who came over. But when they asked me what was wrong, what had happened in the half hour since I'd left them, all I could say was "he's gone."

Before I realized it, the lights in the library flashed, indicating that they were closing. I sighed and leaned away from Jasper, reaching for my book.

"I'm leaving after my last final tomorrow," Jasper said, and I looked over at him. "You can still come back to Texas with me. You know, if you want."

I shook my head. "No thanks."

Jasper opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it.

"Have you talked to Jacob?" I asked.

He pressed his lips together. "He calls, but . . ."

"Yeah," I muttered.

I stood up, shoving my book back into my backpack and holding my hand out to him. He smiled as he wrapped his fingers around mine and allowed me to help him up. Jasper didn't let go of my hand as we walked downstairs, through the library and outside. In fact, he didn't let go as he led me over to his motorcycle, grabbed our bags and placed them inside the compartment on his bike, and climbed on.

"Come on," he said.

"Where?" I asked.

Jasper reached out and grabbed my hand, tugging me toward him. "I'm hungry, and I know you haven't eaten today."

"I'm not hungry," I groused, but slid my leg over the bike and climbed on behind him. Wrapping my arms him, I laid my head against his back.

"Don't care. We need comfort food," he grumbled before he pulled his cell out of his jacket pocket and made a call. "Meet us at the diner . . . Shit! Are you serious? . . . yeah, okay."

He ended the call and shoved the phone into his pocket. Without another word, he started his bike and started driving through the campus of Yale. A few minutes later, he pulled up in front the diner and waited for me to climb off before he followed me inside. James was standing behind the counter, talking to a couple students from the university while Laurent was in the kitchen. They looked over at us, their eyes flittering from me to Jasper with looks of pity and sadness. I rolled my eyes. They didn't know about my . . . relationship . . . or whatever I had with Carlisle, but it was clear they knew Jasper and Jacob had broken up.

Jasper slid his hand across my back and led me over to the counter. We had just sat down on a couple of stools when the door opened again and I looked over to see Rose rushing in with a small white envelope in her hands. She came over and handed me the envelope before sitting down next to Jasper.

"Hello," James sang, placing a menu in front of each of us. "How are you, Jas?"

"Fine," he lied.

We all knew it, but James just nodded and looked over at me, like he could see right through me, which he probably could. "Drinks?" he asked.

"Coffee," Jasper replied.

"Um," Rose stammered, looking around. "Coffee, I guess."

James looked back at me. "And for you, honey?"

"Water," I muttered. He nodded and left to get our drinks and I looked down at the envelope. "What's this?"

"I don't know. It was delivered just after you left," Rose said, and I shifted my eyes up to her.

"Oh," I whispered. Other than my name and door room scribbled across it, the envelope was a simple white. I slipped my finger under the back flap and peeled it open. My heart was racing as I pulled out a plane ticket and a piece of paper that had been folded in half. The ticket was for a roundtrip back to Forks, leaving the day after tomorrow. Placing it on the counter, I opened the note, but instead of it being from Carlisle, whom I had been expecting, it was from Charlie.

_**I'll pick you up at the airport.**_

_**Dad**_

Closing my eyes, I let the note fall from my fingers and stood up. Rose and Jasper called after me as I walked outside, digging my phone out of my back pocket, and calling Charlie. The phone rang three times, and I was about to hang up when it clicked and I heard him say, "Bella?"

"Dad," I whispered.

"Hey," he said. I heard someone talking in the background, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. "Bella, hang on just a second."

Through the phone, I heard him tell whoever was there that he'd be right back, the sound of him walking through whichever room he was in, and the sound of a door closing. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay," I muttered. "Who's there?"

"Um, Carlisle," he lied. "Watching a game, so . . ."

"Oh," I whimpered as my eyes filled with tears. The urge to ask him how Carlisle was rushed to the tip of my tongue, but I held it back, knowing that if I asked that one question, I'd began to cry.

"Yeah," he said, clearing his throat. "Did you get the ticket?"

"Yeah, about that," I said. "I wasn't planning on coming back there."

Charlie sighed.

"I just . . . My friend Jasper invited me to go back to Texas with him, so . . ."

"Jasper?" he asked. "Is he your boyfriend?"

"No, Dad, he's gay," I grumbled, wondering if I should have lied and said yes. "He's going through a hard time, so I thought I'd go with him, keep his spirits up."

Charlie didn't say anything.

"Dad?"

"I haven't seen you in four months, Bella," he said. "I miss you."

"Yeah, I can tell," I groused, regretting it immediately.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked, shortly.

"You haven't called me in a month, Dad," I snarled. "Nothing. But you missed me? Really?"

"I know, and I'm sorry, but works been hell, and I figured you were busy with school," he rambled. "Plus, you haven't called me, either."

This time, I was the one who stayed silent.

"Bella," he whispered.

"I know, Dad," I mumbled. "I just . . . can't come there."

"You can," he said. "Either you come home, or I will come there, but I will spend Christmas with my daughter."

Leaning against the side of the building, I closed my eyes. I didn't want Charlie here, but I didn't want to go there, either. I couldn't, not knowing that if I was Forks, I'd see Carlisle. But then again, I wanted to see him, to hold him, to touch him. A sob rose in my throat and slipped out before I could stop it.

"Bella?" Charlie asked.

"Fine," I cried. "I'll come home."

"Really?" The happiness in his voice didn't go unnoticed, and only caused more tears to fall down my face.

"Yeah, sure, why not," I muttered, hanging up before he could show his enthusiasm anymore. My heart was racing and tears were pouring down my face. I barely heard the door to the dinner open. It wasn't until a pair of arms wrapped around me that I looked up, finding Jasper once again holding me. "Jasper," I cried, gripping the front of his shirt.

"Oh, darlin'," he whispered, one hand coming up to the back of my head while the other wrapped around my back.

"Is she okay?" Rose asked, and I shifted my eyes over to her. "Bella, are you okay?"

"No," I wept. "No, everything is all fucked up, and . . . I don't know who I am anymore, what I'm doing. I want to call him, but then again, I don't. And now my father's insisting that I come home for Christmas, even though he hasn't called me in a month. Plus, I think he had his girlfriend over, and he's never even told me he's seeing anyone. Now, I have to go back there, and I . . . I . . ."

I shook my head.

"Wow," Rose murmured, whistling under her breath. "I kind of wish I had some tequila right now."

"Me too," I groused. "How am I supposed to go back there?"

"Don't," Jasper said and I looked up at him. "You can trade your ticket in and come to Texas with me."

"My dad . . ." I huffed and stepped away from him. "My mother left us when I was little. I barely have any memories of her. My dad cried for weeks afterward. I remember sitting on the floor of the living room and hearing him in the kitchen crying, in his bedroom begging her to come back to us. But she never did. She never looked back, not for him and not for me. Sometimes he'd sit me on his lap and tell me that I was he had left. But over the years something changed. I don't know when, or why, but he stopped watching after me. He'd work all the time, and he'd leave me with him, with his family, and . . ." I dragged my hand over my face and through my hair. "It was like I no longer existed, yet he didn't trust me to breathe without someone babysitting me."

Pausing, I wiped the tears off my face. "And then I found Carlisle, and he made me feel . . . For the first time in my life, I felt beautiful and wanted and like a woman. Someone looked at me as someone other than my father's daughter, or Alice's best friend."

"But he left you, Bella. He left without even saying goodbye. What kind of guy does that to the woman he loves?" Jasper asked.

"I — I don't know," I told him. "But just because he's an asshole doesn't make the way I feel about him any less real."

"No, it doesn't." Rose blew out a heavy breath as she brought her hand up to her mouth. "I'll come home with you."

"What?" I asked.

"I'll go back to Washington with you. That way you won't be alone, and you'll have someone to make sure you're okay."

"I'll come with you, too," Jasper offered.

"What about your family?" I asked. "You're supposed to leave tomorrow, Jas."

"So," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "You need me."

I shook my head. "No. I'm sorry, but I won't be responsible for ruining your Christmas, too. Go home, Jas. Your brother and sister, your parents, they need you to be there with them."

"Darlin'," he muttered, sliding his hand onto the back of my neck and nestling against him. "I'm a plane ride away, okay? If you need me, I'm there. Promise you'll call."

"I promise," I whispered, gripping the back of his shirt.

As we walked back into the diner under James and Laurent's watchful eye, I hoped that I wasn't making a mistake by going back to Forks.

**Thank you for all the reviews. So, is she wrong?**


	18. Chapter 18

"Bella, we're going to be late," Rose grumbled, storming into our dorm room and tossing her make-up bag inside her suitcase and zipping it up.

I shifted my eyes to her. "I'm hurrying."

She huffed but didn't say anything else as she grabbed her bags and went to stand next to the door. I turned my attention back to the pile of clothes on my bed, trying to decide what I should pack. Carlisle loved me in skirts, but then again, I wasn't sure I cared what he loved anymore. My eyes flittered to my phone, where half a dozen voice mails waited for me to listen to them, where text messages remained unread. I should have just deleted all of them, but I couldn't. I still needed him too much.

"Bella," Rose whined, stomping her foot.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, grabbing a few pairs of jeans, a couple T-shirts, three sweaters, and half a dozen skirts. Just in case. Once I had my bras, panties, and socks and shoes in my bag, I added my make-up, a couple of books that I'd borrowed from the library but never read, and a journal, just in case. Zipping my bag up, I grabbed my keys, phone, iPod, and wallet and tossed them into my carry-on bag before looking over at her. "Let's go."

I followed Rose down the hallway to the elevator. We were the last two on our floor, the rest has left after their last finals. Rose and I had driven Jasper to the airport the day before, though I knew he didn't want to go back to Texas, not with the two of us going back to Forks. He debated exchanging his ticket for one to Forks, but I demanded that he go back home. His brother and sister needed him too much, and I might have been selfish, but I wasn't so selfish that I would deny them their brother for Christmas.

Rose cocked an eyebrow but didn't say anything as we climbed into the black Mercedes that Carlisle had given me. I shouldn't drive it, not knowing that him leaving it for me was the same as him leaving a wad of cash on the nightstand, but when I drove it, I felt closer to him. And right now, I needed to be close to him.

Rose and I made it to our gate with just a few minutes to spare. Thrusting our tickets at the attendant next to the tunnel, we nearly ran down and stepped onto the plane, finding our seats in the back. Rose was sitting on the aisle, while I was next to the window. As the plane rolled away from the gate, I pushed up the shade, put my ear buds in, and set my iPod to my saddest playlist, needing to once again lose myself in the music.

Our flight from New Haven to Seattle took just over five hours. Rose had spent the entire flight reading, while I stared mindlessly out the window, replaying ever moment Carlisle and I had spent together. I was glad that she had come to Forks with me, especially after listening to the phone call between her and her mother, who blasted her for being a bitch and accusing her of whoring herself to any man who would take her. I almost laughed and told Rose's mother that that's I was the whore, not her daughter, but instead, I just sat there, listening as Rose told her to fuck off.

I led her through the airport and down to the baggage claim, where I knew Charlie would be waiting for us. I hadn't told him that Rose was coming with me, though I couldn't imagine that he'd care. Charlie didn't care about anyone other than himself. We were both selfish.

Charlie was standing next to the carousel, leaning against a pillar with his arms folded in front of him and his feet crossed. He had shaved off his mustache and was wearing a pair of designer jeans that cost more than any of his paychecks, and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons undone. It was . . . disturbing to see him so casual, so normal.

"Bella!" he nearly yelled, rushing over to me and wrapping me in his arms, swinging me around.

"Dad," I muttered, waiting until he placed me back on my feet before I looked up at him. "You shaved."

"Do you like it?" he asked, rubbing his hand along his smooth skin. "Thought it made me look younger."

"It does," I said, unsure whether or not that was good.

Charlie laughed and looked over at Rose. "Hi, I'm Bella's father Charlie."

"Rose," she said, politely.

"It's nice to meet you, Rose," he replied. His cheerful demeanor was almost as disturbing as his change in appearance. He clapped his hands together. "Well, are we ready? I thought we might grab some dinner before we head home."

"Yeah, sure," I mumbled, while Rose simply nodded.

We pulled our suitcases off the carousel and followed Charlie out to his car. Or at least, I was expecting his car, but instead of the ten year old town car he'd been driving when I left for Yale, he led us to a brand new Yukon.

"What do you think?" he asked, gesturing to the black sports utility vehicle. "Nice, right?"

"Yeah," I said. "Kind of surprised that you got rid of your car, though. Did it break down?"

"Nah, I just felt it was time to move up to something nicer," he explained, opening the back and loading our suitcases. He closed the back and looked over at me. "I got raise, so I figured, what hell."

"What do you do, Mr. Swan?" Rose asked.

Charlie laughed. "First, it's not Mr. Swan. Call me Charlie," he told her. "I'm a special investigator for the district attorney's office."

"Oh," she said, clearly unsure of what else to add.

"I'm starving, so climb inside, ladies," he snickered, opening the back door of the vehicle.

Rose insisted on riding in the back, so I slipped into the front seat. Charlie made small talk while driving us away from the airport and through Seattle. He pulled up in front of a small burger joint on the outside of the city and gestured for us to follow him inside, which we did. The hostess led us to a booth in the back. Charlie sat on one side while we sat on the other.

"This place has the best burgers in the state," he told us, not bothering to get a menu. "Carlisle and I stop here every time we come to a Seahawks game."

I tensed at the mention of Carlisle's name, and saw Rose looked over at me. However, I managed to keep my composure as I grabbed a menu and pretended to study it. "And how is . . . Carlisle?"

"He's been busy. Haven't seen him much since he got back from his conference after Thanksgiving," he replied without a beat and then looked up at me. "You look tired, Bella. Lots of late nights over there at Yale, huh?"

I hummed and nodded, knowing that if I said anything else, I'd start to cry. A medical conference? That's where he told everyone he was when he was with me. Not that I expected differently. I was his dirty little secret, his mistress. His wore.

"Hello, I'm Whitney, and I'll be your server," our waitress said, a perky blond with big boobs that were barely hidden under her white T-shirts. _No wonder Carlisle liked it here_, I thought to myself. _Plenty of sluts to lust after_. "What can I get you to drink?"

"I'll take a Coke," Charlie ordered giving her a smile before looking over at me and Rose. "Ladies?"

"Um," Rose looked down at the menu, "I guess I'll take a lemonade."

Whitney nodded before looking over at me. "And for you, honey?"

"Coke," I gritted out, resisting the urge to tell her I am not her honey. But my bad mood wasn't her fault. No, I was the only one to blame. I had expected too much from Carlisle.

"I'll be right back," she chirped, somehow becoming even peppier than before as she turned and skipped away.

"So, Rose, tell me about yourself," Charlie said, looking at the woman sitting next to me.

"Um, not much to tell. I'm from New York. I'm Bella's roommate," she said.

"What are you studying at Yale?" he asked, shifting in his seat so that he had one arm on the back. It was odd to see him so . . . relaxed.

"Um, engineering," she said. "I think, at least. I mean, right now that's what I am majoring in, but I'm starting to think maybe I should change."

"And what would you change to?" he asked.

Rose looked over at me before replying. "Psychology."

And I understood. She thought I needed therapy, someone to confess all my dirty sins to and tell me that it was okay to let Carlisle go, that I needed to let him go. But I couldn't. I needed him. I wanted him. I fucking loved him. Turning my head, I looked out the window and tried to blink back my tears. I loved him, but he didn't love me. At least not as much as I loved him. If he had, he wouldn't have left me.

"Bella," Charlie said, and I looked over at him as a tear slipped down my face. His smile dropped and he frowned. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I whimpered and looked Rose. "Bathroom."

She nodded before sliding out of the booth, grabbing my hand, and pulling toward the bathroom. By the time the door closed behind us, I was sobbing. "Oh, Bella," she whispered, grabbing a paper towel and wetting it before pressing it against my face.

"I want him so much," I cried, taking the paper towel from her and throwing it in the trash. "It's stupid and irrational, and I know that, but I need him, Rose. I need him."

"No, you don't," she said. "You think you do because he's manipulating you into thinking that what you have is love, but, Bella, honey, if he loved you, he wouldn't have left."

I shifted my eyes away from hers, knowing that she really believed what she was saying. And while I hated him for leaving me, I knew I was in love with him. My heart literally ached for him.

"Bella," she said with a sigh.

"I'm an idiot, Rose," I whispered. "I know that. I've known it since the first time he touched me. But don't stand there and tell me that what I feel for him isn't real. You're not me. You don't know how it is when he's with me."

"Then tell me," she said. "Because all I've seen is the girl who puts a wall around herself to keep from getting hurt."

"When Carlisle's with me," I started, my voice trembling, "I feel beautiful and strong. My heart races and there are butterflies . . ." I paused, finding myself becoming emotional again. "See, Rose, you look at me and see a girl. He makes me feel like a woman."

"Oh, sweetie," she murmured, shaking her head. "You don't even see how warped it is that a man, who is married, is looking at you at all."

"Trust me," I quipped, turning from her and opening the door. "I know that makes me a whore, Rose."

Leaving her standing there, I walked out of the bathroom. Charlie was still sitting at the table, but Whitney was leaning against mine and Rose's side of the booth, one leg crossed over to other and a flirtatious smile on her face. Charlie looked over at me, beckoning for me to join him with a wave of his head. I scoffed and shook my head before I turned and walked out of the diner.

The car was locked, so I sat on the curb and pulled my knees up to my chest. A moment later, I heard the door to the diner open, and I looked back to see Charlie standing there. I sighed as I looked away. "Is she your new girlfriend?" I asked.

"What?" he asked, and I stood up and turned to him.

"Your girlfriend," I said again. "Is that woman in there your new girlfriend?"

"No," he replied, speaking slowly. "Why would you think that?"

"I saw the way you were flirting with her," I muttered.

"I was being friendly, Bella," he said. I rolled my eyes and turned away from him. "Look at me, damn it!" The sharpness in his tone had me facing him again. "Tell me what I have to do to get you to talk to me."

I shook my head. "You . . . I . . ." I trailed off. "Why do you suddenly care?"

"Excuse me?" he asked. "I've always cared about you, Bella. You're my daughter, and I love you."

"No, I know you love me," I said, putting my hand up. "But you stopped caring about what happened to me a long time ago. After Renee left, you were always there, always watching out of me. But then, slowly, you stopped. I became your burden. You shoved me off on . . ." My words caught in my throat as my tears overwhelmed me once more. Bringing my hand to my chest, I struggled to breathe through the constant sobbing. Charlie stepped toward me, but I moved away from him, screaming, "Stop! Just stop pretending that I'm anything to you!"

The door to the diner opened and Rose came rushing out, her eyes shifting between my father and me. She sighed and rushed over to me, wrapping her arms around me and holding me. "Shh, it's okay."

"Not okay," I cried. "Nothing is okay."

"No, it's not," she whispered, placing her hand on the back of my head. "I think it'd be best to just skip dinner tonight, Charlie."

"Yeah, I guess so," he grumbled, walking over and handing her the keys to the car. "I'm just gonna go pay for our drinks. I'll be right back."

Rose hummed, but didn't say anything as she unlocked the car and opened the back door for me. I slid into the backseat, pulling on my seatbelt before drawing my knees up to my chest and looking out the window. Rose climbed in next to me, and a few minutes later, Charlie joined us, but didn't utter a sound as he started the Yukon and headed toward Forks, to Carlisle, to his wife, to my personal hell.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Now, I don't know how many times I'm going to have to make this clear. At no point in this story will Bella EVER be in a relationship with Edward. This will be a Carlisle/Bella Fic from start to finish. And, yes, she's crying because her heart is broken. **


	19. Chapter 19

"You want to go get some coffee?"

I shifted my eyes to the doorway of my bedroom where Rose was standing. "Is he down there?"

Rose sighed and nodded.

"Then no," I quipped, turning my attention back to my book.

"You can't keep avoiding him, Bella," she grumbled, walked over to my bed and sitting down. "He is your father."

"I'm not avoiding him," I lied, because I was. Two days had passed since Charlie picked us up at the airport in Seattle and I had done my best not to be in the same room with him. My decision to carry on a torrid affair with Carlisle wasn't my father's fault, it was mine and I understood and accepted that, but he had stopped being there for me long before Carlisle and I first slept together. Work always took precedence of me and that was his fault. I might have been a whore, but he hadn't been my father, not really.

"The only time you've been around him was last night when we were eating and he came in from work," she pointed out. "You dumped your food in the trash and took off up here. That's called avoidance, sweetcheeks."

I frowned. "You don't understand."

"Oh, I understand. You've never met my mother in person, Bella, but trust me when I say that I understand a thing or two about bad parenting. He may not be the world's best dad, but he's the only one you've got."

Rose stood up and walked out of my room, leaving me alone. She'd been hovering over me for two day, making sure I didn't do something stupid like call Carlisle. I hadn't, though I wanted to more than anything. I needed to hear his voice, to just have him say my name one more time. But I didn't, because I knew that one time wouldn't be enough. Grabbing my iPod from my nightstand and falling back on my bed with my eyes closed, I placed my ear buds in and set my most depressing playlists, letting the sorrowful music take the edge off the pain filling my heart. Or at least I tried. I was miserable and alone, and I had nobody to blame for myself.

I'd gone through my playlist twice when I felt someone tug the bud from my right ear and opened my eyes, finding Charlie standing there with a smile on his lips. I rolled my eyes and sat up, pausing my playlist and tossing my iPod onto the bed.

"Good thing I didn't get you a new one of those for Christmas," he snickered, sitting on the edge of my bed. "I thought about it, but looks like you got the best one out there."

"Yep," I chirped, pulling my knees up to my chest. "What do you want?"

Charlie sighed, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees. "What do I want? Well, for starters, I'd love it if you could say more than five words that weren't full of anger and hate. That would be great."

I just sat there.

"Yeah, suppose that's too much to ask," he muttered, shifting on the bed so that he was facing me. "Maybe I haven't been the best dad, Bella, but I've tried. It hasn't been easy for me, either."

"Never said it was," I groused.

"You act like it, though," he replied. "I had to work, you know? To pay for food and clothes, the house and bills. Give you all the shit you needed and wanted."

"I know, Dad." I huffed. "But you always worked. You were always gone. Overnight trips to Seattle, leaving me alone."

"You weren't alone," he argued. "You had Esme and Alice and, even Carlisle."

I barely managed to hide my flinch.

Charlie reached for my hand, but I pulled away. He sighed and stood up. "Fine, Bella, keep pouting. Just be dressed and downstairs at seven."

"Why?" I asked.

He lifted an eyebrow in my direction. "It's Christmas Eve, which means we're going to the Cullens just like we have since you were four."

I shook my head, trying to keep the scream from erupting from my chest. "No."

"Excuse me?" he asked.

"No, I'm not going," I said, my voice shaking.

"Yes, you are," he said, and when I went to protest, he held up his hand. "You can be a bitch to me, Bella, but those people haven't done a damn thing to deserve it. From what I'm hearing, Alice has been having a hard time and she needs you right now."

"She doesn't need me," I whispered. "Nobody does."

"Enough," he snarled, and I leaned away from him. "You're going and that's the end of it."

Before I could protest further, Charlie turned and stormed out of my room, walking past Rose who had been standing just outside of my room. I looked over at her as a tear slipped down my face. "What do I do?"

"I . . ." She shook her head. "I don't know."

Neither did I.

—INN—

Just before seven, I stood in front of my cheval mirror and stared at my reflection. All afternoon I'd tried to find a way out of going to Carlisle's, but none of them worked. Rose suggested that I pretend to be sick, but when I pointed out that Carlisle was a doctor and that Charlie would probably have him come over to check on me, she agreed that wouldn't work. The goal was to find a way to keep away from Carlisle, not lock myself up in a room with him. I think, anyway. I wanted nothing more than to be alone with him, to feel his hands on me, but I knew I couldn't — or shouldn't — want that. Short of running away, there was nothing I could do, but go.

"Bella, let's go!" Charlie yelled from downstairs.

I sighed and turned away from the mirror. I'd debated what to wear, knowing that the Christmas Eve party always a dressy affair. Typically, it was the one time of the year that I allowed Alice to pick out my clothes because she'd make sure I had the prefect outfit. Of course I couldn't do that this year. Instead, I'd laid everything I'd brought with me on my bed. Jeans were too casual, but a skirt was . . . Carlisle liked me in skirts. In the end, I went with a black and white plaid skirt that was snug around my hips, a black silk blouse, and a pair of knee-high black leather boots. And I hated all of it because he would like how I looked.

"Bella!" Charlie yelled against.

Grabbing my phone, I shoved it into the small black clutch on my dresser and rushed downstairs, glaring at Charlie who was standing next to the door. Like so many changes with him, he was wearing a designer black suit that cost more than he made in a month. Rose was leaning against the back of the couch, one hand toying with the necklace around her neck and the other curved around her hip. She was wearing a red cocktail dress that looked amazing on her.

"About goddamn time," my father groused, opening the door and gesturing for us to go first. I rolled my eyes as I walked out the door, but stopped when he grabbed my arm. I looked back at him. "I don't know what you're problem is, Bella, but if you act like a brat tonight, I will be pissed. I raised you better than this."

I tugged my arm out of his grip. "You didn't raise me, Charlie," I said, watching him crumble as I called him by his given name. "But don't worry. I won't be an embarrassment."

Turning from him, I walked down the front steps and climbed into the backseat of his Yukon. He and Rose climbed into the front, her looking back at me with a sad smile while Charlie ignored me completely. Which wasn't new. He'd ignored me all summer, barely spoke to me since I left for Yale. I didn't expect him to suddenly decide to be my father. And I certainly wasn't his daughter, not anymore.

Less than five minutes later, Charlie pulled up in front of the Cullen's house, and cut the engine. He climbed out immediately, while Rose and I just sat there. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the door handle and pulled in it. The door swung open and I slid out of the seat, shifting my eyes up to the front of the house. In true Christmas spirit, the place was covered in white, shimmering lights. Charlie led us up to the front door, but before he could knock, the door opened and he was standing there.

Carlisle.

And he looked good. Damn good. Too good. Dressy pants, a white dress shirt, jacket, and perfectly styled hair, but as his eyes shifted from Charlie to Rose, back to me, there was a look that filled them, a longing that had my insides quivering.

"Hey," he said, his eyes locked on mine.

"Sorry we're late," Charlie laughed, tilting his head in my direction just as I tore my eyes away from Carlisle. "Think she's still on East Coast time."

Carlisle laughed, but I knew it wasn't real. "It's fine. Come on in."

He stepped backward and Charlie walked by, followed by Rose leaving just me standing there. His eyes shifted back to me. My heart jackhammered in my chest as I stepped into the house. Carlisle's hand grazed my lower back as he pushed the door shut, and it took all my control not to turn and throw myself in his embrace, cover his face with kisses, and tell him that I loved him. Because I did. I loved him with every fiber of my being.

"The place looks great," Charlie said, turning back to us.

Carlisle's attention was immediately off me. "Esme," he said. "You know how much she loves the season."

My father smiled. "That she does."

"Charlie!" Esme chimed, walking from the living room. She looked radiant in a white, long sleeve dress that looked like it had been painted on. Her caramel-colored hair had been pulled into an elegant French twist. Her perfectly manicured nails were wrapped around a glass of champagne. She hugged my father with one arm before looking over at me. Her smile changed from one of genuine happiness to fake acceptance. "Bella, dear, you look . . . beautiful. Yale has really agreed with you."

"Thanks," I murmured, shifting my attention to the floor.

"Esme, Carlisle, this is Bella's roommate, Rose," Charlie said and I snapped my head up, looking right at Carlisle.

He, of course, looked unphased as he smiled. "It's nice to meet you, Rose."

"You too," she gritted out.

"Yes, yes, it's lovely to meet you," Esme giggled, reaching out and placing her hand on Rose's shoulder, leading her into the living room. Charlie followed, leaving me and Carlisle standing there.

"Bella," he whispered.

"Don't," I muttered, turning and following Rose. I needed to stay close to her.

When I walked into the living room, I found Rose standing next to Esme, who was introducing her to Edward, and Emmett, who was making his ogling more than a little obvious. Emmett looked over at me, his goofy smile widening. "Swan! About time you got here."

"Emmett," I said, tersely.

He laughed as he walked over to me, giving me an awkward hug. "Look at you! I barely recognize the nerdy girl with her nose in a book."

"They made me leave my books at Yale. They were afraid your stupid would rub off on them," I jibed.

He snorted and looked back at Rose, who was watching him with a small smile. "That hottie is your roommate?"

I nodded. "That's Rose."

"Hmm, hot chicks do actually go to smart schools," he muttered, walking over to her and engaging her in conversation.

Edward looked over at me and rolled his eyes before sitting on the touch. I almost laughed. Almost because I could still feel Carlisle standing next to the door, watching me, staring at me, and I was doing my best not to throw myself on him and beg him to touch me.

"Bella." I felt my shoulders tense as I looked behind me and saw Alice standing there. Her right arm was in a sling and she had a long, angry scar across her left cheek. "Hey."

"Hi," I said as Carlisle brushed past me. "You, um, look like shit."

"I know," she replied. "So do you."

I nodded, because she was right. I did. I hadn't been able to sleep, barely ate.

"I was hoping you'd come tonight," Alice said. "Mom told me that you'd come back a couple of days ago, so . . ."

"Yeah," I murmured, chewing on the inside of my lip.

Sighing, she shook her head. "Can we . . . Will you . . . go talk with me?" When I tensed, she added, "Please, Bella?"

"Fine," I quipped and followed Alice upstairs to her bedroom.

Unlike my bedroom, hers had always been frilly. Pink walls, white lacy bedspread, an antique vanity covered in make-up, perfume, and jewelry. Her shelves had flowers and teddy bears, picture frames with our photographs inside.

Alice sat down on her bed, her large black eyes lifting to mine. "Aren't you going to sit?"

I shook my head, causing her to frown.

"Okay," she grumbled. "I called you like a thousand times."

"I know."

"Why didn't you call me back?" she asked.

"Because I was busy," I lied, or half-lied. I had been busy, but I could have called her. Found the time to call her, but I couldn't talk to her. It was too hard.

"Of course you were," she grumbled. "Everyone was too busy for me." She brought her hand up to her chest. "My parents are getting a divorce."

Her eyes flittered to mine, and I hoped like hell that she couldn't see the guilt radiating off of me. "Did you hear me?"

"Yes," I said.

"My father is having an affair," she added, staring at me.

My lips trembled. "Do . . . do you know with who?"

"No," she scoffed, finally looking away. "Probably some fucking nurse that the hospital. He served my mother with divorce papers just before Thanksgiving and just . . . left. No explanation, no . . . anything. Just left. Mom was . . . devastated, of course. She locked herself away for days, drinking everything she could find."

Alice paused and looked back over at me. "She's such a bitch. She's been fucking around on my father for years. Years, Bella, and she has the nerve to care now that he's found some other bitch to fuck."

Still I stood there, unsure what to say or do.

"But you have your own problems, don't you?" she sneered, her expression turning to anger and hate. "You got out of this shithole town and never looked back. Not for me, not for anyone. You just . . . you just think you're so much better than everyone, don't you?" she screamed, standing up. Her hand flew behind her, grabbing at the picture frame resting on her nightstand. "You were my best friend, but then I suddenly, I wasn't good enough for you."

Rearing her arm back, she threw the frame at me. I managed to move and it hit the door with a long bang before it fell to the floor. I threw open the door and took off running downstairs. My heart was racing as I crossed the entry room, threw open the front door and burst my way outside. Wrapping my arms around one of the pillars, I tried to keep my tears from falling, to keep the small amount of control that I had built up over the last few days, but when I heard the door open again and looked over my shoulder, finding Carlisle standing there, I knew I failed.

"You left me," I cried.

Carlisle reached behind him and pulled the door shut. "I did, and I am so sorry. I . . . I didn't want to, but . . ."

"But you did," I wept. "You just left me with a note on the bed and the keys to a new car. You left me and broke my heart."

"I planned on staying. I'd found a few apartments that I wanted to check out, and I thought everything would be okay. I mean, I knew she'd be difficult, but . . ." He shook his head. "You'd been gone about ten minutes when my phone rang. It was Emmett's number, so I thought it was okay to answer. But . . . it wasn't him. It was her." He clenched his hand into a fist. "Alice was in an accident. She'd gotten drunk and high and drove. She was on her way to here when she crossed the medium and struck another car. Luckily nobody died, but there was a little girl in the backseat. Four years old, and she, um, she got hurt pretty bad. Alice got expelled from the university, she's on house arrest, and . . ."

He whimpered as he brought his hand up to his mouth. Without realizing what I was doing, I reached out, placing my hands on his side. He winced and stepped away. My eyes snapped from his to his side as I pushed his jacket to the side and pulled his shirt out of his pants, revealing a large, purple bruise along his side, stretching up onto his ribs. I hated her. She had put her hands on the man I loved, the man I needed.

"She did this." It wasn't a question, but he nodded anyway.

"I tried to leave again. After Alice got out of the hospital and the judge released her on house arrest, I tried to leave again. Esme went ballistic. She started screaming about how I was a coward, and she'd never let me go. Still I tried to leave. I wanted to be with you, Bella." He wiped a tear off his cheek. "I had just packed my bags and was standing on the top of the stairs when she came up behind me and pushed. I fell, hitting my head. When I looked up, she was standing there with this look on her face. I was afraid."

"But you're still here," I whispered, ghosting my fingers over his bruise. His hand found mine.

"I'm here until I can get a court order against her, until I can safely get away," he murmured.

"Come with me." I shifted my eyes to his. She'd hurt him, manipulated him into staying with her. "We can leave now. Just get in the car with me and we can leave."

"I can't," he argued, the sense of urgency in his voice. "I have to make sure I have every protection set in place for us before I leave. If she were to come after you, I'd . . ."

"I don't need you to protect me," I argued, grabbing the front of his shirt. "Please, just come with me."

"Baby, I can't," he whimpered. "Please just give me some time to get everything set."

"How much time?" I asked. "A week? A month? A year? How long am I supposed to just . . . be dangling here, waiting for you to decide that it's safe for you to be with me?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "My lawyer has pictures of my injuries, and he's petitioning the judge this next week for a restraining order, and he's trying to fast track the divorce, but with her contesting everything, I just . . . I don't know how long it will take."

"So that's it, huh?" I asked, taking a step back. "I'm just supposed to wait?"

"You don't have to," he said, though his voice was strained. "I love you, Bella, but I won't ask you to wait for me."

"You don't get to do that," I snarled, throwing my hands in the air. He flinched. "I love you, Carlisle. Please, don't stay here. She'll kill you."

The door to the house opened and we looked over, finding Esme standing there. Her eyes flittered from him to me, a fake, eerie smile creeping over her lips. "Bella, dear, what are you doing out here? It's freezing and you don't have a coat on."

"I'm fine," I said. "Just needed some fresh air."

She laughed and leaned against the doorframe. "I have to say, dear, Yale hasn't been kind to you. I suppose you're busy studying, right? Taking advantage of your Ivy League education."

"Yep," I murmured.

"You're a good girl, Bella, but you really should take better care of yourself," she tittered. "Your father worries himself sick over you. But do you call?" she asked, clicking her tongue at me. "No. Because you're too busy, right?"

"Very," I gritted. "But then again, he must be, too, seeing as he hasn't attempted to call me in over a month."

Her eyes widened. "He works hard for you. You should be more appreciative of him." Her eyes shifted to Carlisle. "So many men today are weak and lazy."

"You should mind your own fucking business," I lashed out.

Esme's friendly smile dropped off her face as she looked over at me. "Carlisle, darling, why don't you go check on our guests."

He shifted his eyes from me to her before ducking back into the house. Esme closed the door behind her and took two steps toward me. I should have been afraid. I was face to face with the abusive wife of my lover, but I wasn't. She wasn't anything to me.

"You know, I've tried, Bella. Lord knows I've tried to be there for you, to help you. But you're an ungrateful little bitch who has done nothing but ruin everyone you've ever touched. You're just like your mother. And now, you've infected my daughter. For some asinine reason, she wants to be friends with you, but if I had it my way, you wouldn't be in our lives. Your father deserves a better daughter than you."

Without another word, Esme turned on her heel and walked into the house, closing the door behind her. Releasing a shaky breath, I turned back the pillar, leaning my shoulder against it as my eyes filled with tears.

"Bella," Rose said, opening the door behind me. "Are you okay?"

"Tell him . . ." I trailed off, trying to keep my voice calm and even. "Tell him that I'm sorry."

Before she could say anything, I let my tears fall as I began the walk home.

Alice was a mess.

Esme was a bitch.

Charlie was not the father I'd left three months ago.

Carlisle was too afraid to leave.

And I was alone.

**Thank you for all the reviews. This chapter really fought me. I just couldn't seem to get it out right. Leave me a few words and let me know what you think. I'll see ya next go around.**


	20. Chapter 20

Charlie hadn't been happy with me when he and Rose came home from the Cullens. He beat on my bedroom door for an hour, yelling at me to open it, to get my ass out there, to stop being a little bitch. I didn't care. I laid curled up on my bed, my pillow pulled over my head, and tried to forget I existed.

Eventually Charlie gave up and I heard his bedroom door slam shut. Not long after, Rose was knocking on my door, asking if I was okay, asking me to talk to her. But I couldn't because she wouldn't understand, and I didn't expect her to. I'd made the decision to get involved with a married man, the man who had watched over me when my father was gone. I had fallen in love with him, and by doing so, caused him to get hurt. He was leaving his wife for me, because I wanted him, too.

Like Charlie, Rose eventually gave up on me talking to her. Early the next morning, I slipped out of my room, headed downstairs, and out of the house, needing to escape the stifling walls that surrounded me. I didn't know where I was going, why I hadn't just packed up my shit and flew back to Yale. I should have. I should have begged Rose to leave with me, and we could have celebrated Christmas in our dorm room, alone and together.

Before I realized it, I found myself sitting on a swing in the park. The air was cold and wet, but then again when wasn't Forks cold and wet. The only sound that could be heard was the creaking of the chains from my swing.

It wasn't until I heard the crunch of a car's tires that I realized I'd been weeping. Looking over, I groaned when I saw Charlie climbing out of his car. He was wearing a pair of plaid pajama pants and a coat. Based on the look on his face, he was pissed. Well, that made two of us.

Pushing away from the swing, I wrapped my arms around myself and started walking in the opposite direction.

"Bella, stop!" he yelled and a moment later, he grabbed my arm and turned me so that I was facing him. His eyes drifted to the tears pouring down my face and he released his hold on me. "What in the hell is going on with you?"

I didn't reply because Charlie wouldn't understand.

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me," he said.

"You can't help me, period," I muttered. "Don't you get that? I've . . . I'm not your daughter anymore, Charlie."

"It's not Charlie, it's Dad," he said.

I shook my head. "Not anymore."

Charlie placed his hands on his hips. "I don't understand, Bella. I really don't understand. What happened to you? It's like one day you just . . . changed. You stopped talking to Alice, you started hiding out in your room. Now, you don't call."

"You don't, either," I snapped. "You hadn't called me since Thanksgiving, Charlie, yet you send me a plane ticket and demand that I come here? I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to see . . ."

"Who?" he asked. "Me? You didn't want to see me?"

My eyes flittered to a close and I found myself nodding, knowing that it would hurt him.

"Am I really that bad of a father?" he asked. The hurt filling his voice had my heart aching.

I turned from him, unable to face him again. "When I was little, before she left, I thought you were the best thing in the world, Charlie. You were the one who would drag me out of bed at six in the morning so we could be the first ones to play in the snow. And when I had the flu, you'd make me soup and we'd watch cartoons together. You were always there, always. But then she left, and you cried, and I was lonely. Then you started throwing yourself into your job, and I became less important. Instead of escorting me across the field when I was nominated for homecoming queen, you were in Seattle. And when it was time to get ready for the Prom, you were in Seattle." I turned and looked at him. "When I got my acceptance letter from Yale, you were in Seattle. You were never here when I needed you, Charlie, and now, suddenly, you want to be my dad? I'm sorry, but it's too late."

"I tried to be there," he argued. "I had to work to pay for your homecoming and prom dresses."

"Bullshit," I spat. "You didn't want to be around me because I was a constant reminder of her."

"No, honey, that's not true," he insisted, reaching for me.

"I look like her, I act like her," I whimpered, stepping away from him.

Charlie let his hand fall to his side. "I loved your mom, Bella, I did. And I was crushed when she left, and I didn't handle it well. I can admit that. If I could go back and change things, I would, but I can't. All I'm asking is for a chance. Why wouldn't you give me a chance?"

"The same reason you didn't tell me you have a girlfriend," I said, watching as his eyes flew open. "Didn't think I'd figure it out, did you? The new clothes, the fancy car? I left you and you got yourself a life. Too bad you couldn't spend five minutes thinking about me."

Once again, I turned and walked away from my father, leaving him there with a hurt look on his face. And once again, I couldn't find it in myself to care. Rose was in the kitchen when I walked into the house. She turned and looked at me, a frown curving over her lips and eyes full of pity. Yeah, I was pathetic.

"Charlie find you?"

I nodded.

"He was pretty freaked out when he woke up and you weren't here. Seemed to think you just took off in the middle of the night," she added.

"Thought about it," I admitted. "But I wouldn't have left you here, Rose."

"Gee, thanks," she snickered, pouring herself a cup of coffee. "You want one?"

"No, I'm going to go up to my room," I said, turning toward the stairs.

"Bella," she called, and I stopped and looked at her. "Are you with him again?"

"I don't know that I was ever not with him," I admitted. "I love him, Rose. I know you don't understand, but I do love him."

"You're right, I don't understand," she said. "I'm worried about you. I don't want you to get hurt."

Before I could say anything, the front door opened and Charlie walked in, his eyes landing on me. I shook my head and looked over at Rose. "It's too late for me. I'm already lost."

Turning, I walked upstairs to my bedroom and closed the door behind me. I slid to the floor, trying my hardest to keep from screaming.

—INN—

Late in the afternoon, I heard a car pull up in front of the house. I scrambled off the floor and rushed over to the window, shocked to see black and yellow checkered cab out front. The back door opened and Jasper slid out. I turned and rushed over to my door, throwing it open before I raced downstairs, threw open the front door and rushed into his arms.

"It's okay, darlin'," he murmured, placing one hand on the back of my head and the other around my waist.

I couldn't reply, the grief in my heart was overwhelming and all I could do was cry. I vaguely heard Rose tell Jasper which room was mine and that she'd be up in a minute. Jasper slid his arm from my waist down to my knees and lifted me off the ground, carrying me into the house and past my father, who was asking Rose what was going on.

A moment later, Jasper laid me on my bed, climbing on next to me and holding me against his chest, just letting me cry. Rose set his bags in the corner of my room a few minutes later and shut the door before she sat on the end of my bed and filled Jasper in on everything that had happened over the last few days. At least what she knew. She didn't know about Alice's temper tantrum or Esme's attempt to stop Carlisle from leaving, or even the hateful words she'd spat at me the night before.

"Jesus, this is a mess," Jasper grumbled.

I scoffed. "No shit." I looked up at him. "What are you doing here?"

"Rose called me last night, said you were fucked up right now and needed me. So, I caught the first flight I could out."

"But your family," I said. "Your brother and sister, your parents, weren't they upset?"

"No," he lied. I huffed and sat up. "Darlin, they weren't happy, but I explained to them that you needed me."

"But they needed you," I argued. "After Thanksgiving and Jacob, they needed you, Jas."

"Don't worry about it, it's fine," he said, scooting up and pulling me back against his chest. "I'm more concerned about you."

I sighed. "I know that I need to just forget about him, end things for good, but . . . he loves me, and I know you both don't think he does, but I can see it in his eyes. His crazy, bitch wife . . ." I closed my eyes. "He was going to come back to me. He had his stuff packed and was coming back to me when she pushed him down the stairs. I — I think she'll kill him if he stays, but he won't leave until he has me protected. Jasper, I'm afraid for him."

"Wow," he murmured. "You really think he's in danger?"

I nodded. "His entire side is bruised. And this isn't the first one I've seen. When he came to New Haven, he had a bruise on his head because she threw a book at him when he served her with divorce papers. If Alice hadn't gotten into an accident, he wouldn't have come back here, and now he feels trapped. And I don't know what to do because I can't just leave him here with her. Not when I know she's hurting him."

Jasper looked at Rose. "What do you think?"

"There was definitely something odd going on last night," she said. "Esme just kind of . . . followed Charlie around." Her eyes flittered to mine. "I think she and Charlie might be having an affair."

I sat up. "What?"

"It's just a feeling," Rose said, putting her hand up. "She kept touching him. Like laying her hand on his shoulder, grabbing his arm when he said something funny, which he never really did. I don't know, maybe it's just me, maybe I'm looking for it because of you and Carlisle. All I know is that last night was one of the most awkward nights of my life. Emmett followed me around, Edward just kind of sat there, and Alice glared at me all night, like I was to blame for every bad thing that ever happened in her life. After you left, Carlisle locked himself up in his study, which didn't make Esme too happy. She was ranting and raging about how he was being a rude host. It wasn't until Charlie placed his hand on her back that she calmed down. She almost . . . seemed to . . . I don't know . . . like melt against him. It was weird."

I frowned. "That's . . . unsettling."

"It's what you've been doing with Carlisle for months, Bella," Rose started.

"No, it's different," I argued, though I knew she was right. "Carlisle and I are in love."

"So you keep saying," she quipped.

I pressed my lips together, really not wanting to argue with her.

"Look, it seems like we have bigger issues to deal with," Jasper stated. "If Carlisle is really being abused, then I think Bella's right. We need to find a way to get him to leave."

"He won't," I said, pulling my knees up to my chest. "He's too afraid."

"Then we have to convince him," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "If you text him, do you think he can meet you somewhere private?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "It is Christmas Day."

"Can you try?" he pushed.

"You would really help him leave her?" I asked.

"If you're telling me that he's in danger, then yes. I don't think you and he should be involved together, but it goes against everything I believe in to just sit back and do nothing," Jasper said, bringing his hand up to my face. "And he's important to you, darlin', and you're important to me, so I'm willing to at least talk to him."

I looked over at Rose, who seemed uncomfortable. "And you?"

"I'm in," she said, with a sigh. "I've watched too many women from my neighbor get smacked around to just sit back and do nothing."

I nodded, blinking back my tears. "Thank you."

"Don't thank us yet," Rose replied. "He might not come with us. You know that, right?"

"I do." And I did. Grabbing my cell from my nightstand, I sent him a text asking him to meet me in the woods behind my house at midnight. Almost an hour passed before I got his reply, saying that he would try. I hoped like hell that he would.

"Do you think he'll show?" Rose asked after I told them what his text said.

"If she doesn't stop him," I said.

"Okay, look, we have almost nine hours to waste. Let's go downstairs and try to keep your dad from becoming suspicious," Jasper suggested.

I groaned. "I'd rather not deal with him again."

"You may not want to, but he's going to freaking about me just showing up, Bella, and everything. Especially if we leave tonight. Let's just get through this, okay?"

"All right, I'll try," I groused, climbing off my bed.

When we walked into the living room, Charlie was standing next to the bay window with his phone pressed against his ear. "I know . . . I want that, too, but . . . I can't . . . you know why. . . Honey, just listen to me," he grumbled. Jasper cleared his throat, causing Charlie to look back at us. "Gotta go, bye." He hung up and smiled. "Sorry about that. Work."

"Since when do you call the guys at work honey?" I asked, wincing when Rose pinched my side and whispered, "Be nice."

"Oh, well, we have a new dispatcher and everyone calls her honey," he rambled, clearly lying.

"And she's working on Christmas Day?" I asked.

"Um, no. I mean, she just . . ." He trailed off. "She's not important." Charlie shifted his eyes to Jasper. "I'm Charlie."

"Jasper," he replied.

My father's eyes flittered from him to me. "Oh."

"I hope you don't mind me just showing up like this, but my parents and I had a bit of an argument," he said. "Bella and Rose are . . . well, they're my people."

"Of course not," Charlie said, though it sounded strained, and looked over at me. "I'm glad my daughter has . . . people."

The only person I wanted was Carlisle.

**Thank you for all the reviews. I get that people don't like Carlisle and they think Bella's a whiny bitch. I get it. I really do. But if you don't like it, flounce. Bella's not going to just suddenly wake up one day and decide that she's over him. And he's not the bad guy, not entirely. And for people to say that anyone deserves to be abused is wrong. Just saying, all right?**


	21. Chapter 21

I was terrified. Though, I wasn't sure what scared me more: that Carlisle would show up in the woods behind my house, or that he wouldn't. All I knew was that I couldn't leave him here alone, not with Esme. She'd kill him, and I'd never forgive myself for leaving him in her clutches.

"You ready?" Rose asked, looking over the clock. It was ten minutes till midnight and the three of us were up in my room. We'd stayed downstairs for Charlie for most of the day, putting a smile on our faces and trying to make peace with him. But just after nine he got call, from work according to him, and he had to leave. I started to wonder if Rose was right about my father and Esme Cullen. And I wasn't sure how I felt about it.

On one hand, the idea of my father fucking that bitch made me sick to my stomach. While he may not be the best father in the world, he deserved better than her, better than some vile woman, who beat her husband into staying with her. But, at the same time, my father had made his choice, as had I. And seeing as I'd been carrying on an affair with a married man for the last seven months, I wasn't in a position to judge anyone.

"Yeah," I replied, trying to calm my nerves. "Let's go."

Jasper didn't say anything as the three of us gathered our bags and headed downstairs. We'd agreed that regardless of whether Carlisle came back to New Haven with us or not, that we couldn't stay. Jasper and Rose worried about what I would do, how I could ruin even more of my life. They hadn't hidden their unhappiness with my decision to be with Carlisle, and I knew that regardless if he left Forks with me or not that I'd always be his, but they knew right now that he needed me, needed us. And for that alone, I'd forever be grateful to my friends.

The air was cold, a frosty chilled filled the air, almost like God was looking down at us and glaring. He probably was. We stowed our bags in the back of the beat-up Chevy truck my father had bought for me when I was a sophomore. It was a piece of shit, but it ran and it would hopefully get us as far as Port Angeles, where we'd catch a flight to Seattle, and then back to New Haven. Tucked in my carry-on bag was a ticket for Carlisle. I just hoped that he'd come with me.

Once we had our luggage tucked away, I led Rose and Jasper through the woods to the small road where Carlisle and I always met. With each step I took, I could feel my heart racing. When we walked through the line of trees, I felt a smile spread over my face. Carlisle was leaning against the front of his car. He shifted his eyes over to me, returning my smile as he stood up. I ran over and jumped in his arms.

"You came," I whispered.

"I told you I would," he murmured, his lips crashing down on mine. He pushed his tongue between my lips and I moaned, missing the way he kissed me. It wasn't until Jasper cleared his throat that I remember that we weren't alone. Carlisle tensed around me as I pulled away and looked up at him. "I thought you'd be alone."

"I know, I'm sorry," I told him, bringing my hands to his face. "But please, don't be mad."

"I'm not," he muttered, his eyes shifting over to Rose and Jasper.

Sighing, I shifted so that my body was facing them. "This is Jasper."

Carlisle nodded. "It's nice to meet you."

"Can't say the same," Jasper admitted, causing me to frown. He shifted his eyes to me. "Sorry, darlin', I'm not gonna lie. You know how I feel about you two together."

"I know," I whispered, before speaking louder and looking up at Carlisle. "We don't have a lot of time, so I'm just gonna say it: you can't stay here."

Carlisle closed his eyes, his jaw tightening. "We've already discussed this, Bella."

"I know," I said, placing my hands on his chest. "Please, just listen to me."

Blowing out a heavy breath, he nodded and said, "Fine."

"I love you, Carlisle. I love you more than I should," I whimpered. "And I'm scared for you. She's going to kill you if you stay. Don't you see that?"

"I can take care of myself," he grumbled.

"Excuse me for butting in, Carlisle, but you haven't done a good job of it so far," Jasper said, drawing our attention to him. "Bella told us everything."

Carlisle tensed next to me. "I see. Well, I appreciate your concern, Jasper, but I'm fine. Bella needs to learn her own business."

"You are my business," I insisted, fisting the front of his coat. "You became my business when I fell in love with you."

His face softened. "Baby, I told you that I can't just leave."

"But you can," I said. "I have a ticket with your name on it. You can come back to Yale with us, find a job at one of the hospitals there. We can start our lives there, together."

"And when she comes after me?" he asked. "What do you think she's going to do when she finds out that I'm in New Haven with you?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "But I can't leave you behind, lover, I can't. Please, come with us."

Carlisle's eyes flittered closed. "I want to. More than anything, I want to."

"Then do it," I cried. "Please!"

He shook his head, and I stepped away from him. "Bella, please, understand where I'm coming from!"

"No," I said. "Maybe I'm being selfish, but I can't do this anymore, not like this. We can't live on opposite sides of the country, where you're living with a psycho bitch and I spend every minutes worried about you."

Carlisle clenched his jaw together.

"She's a horrible person, and she will kill you," I told him.

He groaned and leaned back against his car, dragging his hands over his face and through his hair. "I know she will," he mumbled. "I know how dangerous she is, Bella. I've been living with her for twenty-five years. Trust me, I know exactly what type of woman my wife is."

"Then you know that you can't stay here," Rose said, drawing our attention to her. "Look, I don't know you, and what I know of you doesn't make me like you. Jasper and I have been doing our best to keep Bella from falling apart after you left her, after you ripped her heart out."

Carlisle flinched.

"But she loves you. God help her, she fucking loves you. And I'm not sure that the two of you belong together, but I know that you can't stay here, with that woman." Rose paused and shook her head. "I know how hard it is to leave, Carlisle. The fear that goes with it."

"You do?" he asked.

Rose nodded. "I was sixteen. He was nineteen. I thought he was . . . everything, but he wasn't. He, um, he was a monster, and he made sure I knew that I wasn't worth a damn to him. It took me almost a year to realize that being with him was unhealthy, that I was risking my future. I was a little girl when I decided that I wasn't going to end up like my mother, bouncing from one asshole to another while working in some shitty diner. I was going to make something of my life, but then I met Royce, and he made me feel like I could have a real life. He was rich, and he wanted me. The poor girl from the wrong side of the city. But then I didn't give him enough attention, or I had better grades than him, he found every excuse he could to hit me.

"It took him almost killing me before I wised up and broke it off. And I was scared, because he had power. His family had power. He stalked me, told me that I would never be free of him, but I am. And you can, too."

"How?" Carlisle asked. "How'd you get free?"

"He, um, killed a girl," Rose admitted. "He tried to rape her and when she fought back, he strangled her. Not even his rich daddy could get him off. He's serving twenty-five year sentence, and I left New York as soon as I could. I can't promise you that it'll be easy, that everything will work out, but I can say with the upmost certainty that if you don't leave with us now, you won't live long enough to divorce that bitch."

Carlisle sighed and pushed away from the car, turning and placing his hands on the hood. "What time is the flight?"

"Six a.m., out of Port Angeles. Then we have a connecting flight in Seattle, that will take us back to New Haven at nine," I said.

Carlisle nodded and looked over at me. "Are you sure you want me to come back? After the way I left before?"

I smiled and brought my hand to his face. "I love you, Carlisle, and I still want to be with you."

His eyes fluttered to a close and he heaved a deep breath. "Okay."

"You'll leave with us?" I asked, smiling wider.

He nodded and looked over at me. "I'll go with you, baby."

Throwing myself in his arms, I allowed my tears to fall, thankful that he wasn't going to stay behind. He wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my neck. We stayed, wrapped up in each other's arms until Jasper once again cleared his throat, drawing our attention to him.

"Now that we have that all settled, we need to get going," he said, giving me a look.

I nodded and shifted my eyes up to Carlisle. "Okay, we're leaving now. Is there anything you need from your house? Anything that can't be replaced?"

"Um, no," he said. "I don't have any clothes, but I can buy more."

"You can't use credit cards," Rose said. "She'll be able to track your purchases."

"I have a couple cards that she doesn't know about," he explained. "She didn't care how I spent money as long as she had plenty on her cards."

"Okay," Jasper replied, clearly uncomfortable with everything. "Um, then let's go."

Carlisle nodded and began to lead me to the passenger side of his car, but I pulled back, causing him to look at me. "You should leave your car here. We're taking my truck to Port Angeles."

He frowned, but nodded. "Probably a good idea."

Carlisle grabbed a few things from his trunk before he followed me, Jasper, and Rose back through the woods toward my house. As the house came into view, he tensed, but I reassured him that Charlie wasn't there. I knew I needed to share Rose's thoughts about my father and Esme's possible affair, but this wasn't time or place. Right now, I needed to get him on the plane, where I knew he'd be okay, and then I'd decided on whether or not to say anything.

Once the four of us were loaded into the front of my truck, with Rose sitting on Jasper's lap and Carlisle next to me, I pulled out of the driveway and started down the street. Just as I was turning the corner, I saw a flash of headlights behind me, and knew that Charlie was coming home. Guilt panged in my chest, knowing that he would be hurt when he realized that I had left without saying goodbye.

We were half way to Port Angeles when my phone started ringing. I pulled it out of my pocket, frowning when I saw Charlie's name and number springing up on the ID. Disregarding the penetrating stares coming from Jasper, Rose, and Carlisle, I ignored it and dropped it in my lap. Charlie called a dozen more times before we got to Port Angeles. Seeing as it was only three a.m, the airport was nearly empty. We checked in for our flights and made our way down to our gate. While Jasper and Rose sat on one side of the terminal, Carlisle and I cuddled on the other side. My legs were draped over his and his arms were wrapped around mine.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and when I looked up at him, he added, "For hurting you when I left. I just . . . I couldn't look at you and see the disappointment in your eyes, not again."

I sighed and brought my hands up to his face. "It's okay."

"No, it's not," he groused, leaning his forehead against mine as my phone rang again. "Are you going to talk to him?"

I shook my head and turned my phone off. "I don't . . ." I took a deep breath. "I think my father is sleeping with Esme."

I don't know what I expected, but the complacent sigh wasn't it. "I'm not surprised."

"You're not?" I asked.

He laughed, harshly. "She's . . . a whore. She's had numerous affairs, Bella. I've suspected that she and Charlie were sleeping together for years now."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I demanded.

"Because he's your father, and you were already so . . . ready to end your relationship with him. I didn't want to give you a real reason to hate him."

"I don't understand," I said. "You're his best friend, Carlisle. How could you stand being around him knowing that he was fucking her?"

Carlisle pushed my legs off his lap and turned so that his body was facing mine. "I first suspected they were having an affair after your mom left. Esme was so . . . enraged that Renee left, that she left you with Charlie. At first, I thought it was just because she saw you as a little girl needing her mother, but then . . ."

"Then what?" I pressed.

"She'd make comments about . . . you holding Charlie back, about you costing him career advancements, and I started wondering if she was pissed that Renee had abandoned her daughter, or if it was because she hadn't taken you with her. I even wondered if she wasn't the driving force behind why your mother left in the first place."

The realization of what he was saying hit me like a brick. Esme hated me because I'd been in the way of her perfect life with my father, the man she wanted as her own. Blinking back my tears, I nodded. "I see."

"I tried to protect you, Bella. That's why I was always there, always around. I didn't want her lashing out at you, but I fell in love with you. I found myself needing to be around you, needing to touch you. I told myself that it was wrong, that I was an asshole for wanting you, but I did. Then you came into the kitchen one night, and I couldn't stop myself. I knew it was wrong, I knew I should leave you alone, but I couldn't. I loved you too damn much."

"I'm glad you didn't," I admitted.

"Yeah?" he asked.

I nodded. "I love you, Carlisle. And I know we still have a lot to work through, a lot to deal with your divorce and everything, but we're in this together. You and me against the world."

Smiling, he brought his hands up to my face, pressing his lips against mine. "You and me, baby. Just you and me."

A few minutes later, the flight attendant standing behind the counter called for our flight to board. There were only a handful of us waiting for the flight out of Port Angeles. Rose and Jasper were seated across the aisle from me and Carlisle. And while I knew they weren't going to understand our relationship, I wasn't going to give Carlisle up. I was in love with him, and he loved me. Hopefully, love would be enough to get us through whatever came our way.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Give me your thoughts on this chapter, too. **


	22. Chapter 22

A little over an hour after we left Port Angeles, our flight landed in Seattle, and once again, our shoulders tensed as we made our way through the airport and settled at our gate. Our flight was set to leave in just over an hour and a half, and I was expecting to see Charlie or Esme, perhaps both of them. Especially seeing as when I turned my cell back on, I had a dozen missed calls, half a dozen voice mails, and nearly four times as many text messages from my father, demanding that I call him, pleading with me to call him, threatening to go to New Haven if I didn't call him. Carlisle had dumped his cell before we left Port Angeles, but I didn't doubt for a second that Esme had already realized that he was gone.

"So," Jasper said, breaking through the awkward silence that filled the air around us and causing me, Carlisle, and Rose to look over at him. "Sorry, I don't really have anything to say. The silence just bothers me."

"Me too," Carlisle said, lifting our joined hands to his lips. "You don't like me, do you?"

"Nope," Jasper admitted.

"Jas," I muttered.

"Sorry, darlin', he asked," he said, giving me a look.

I rolled my eyes. "Doesn't mean you have to be so rude."

Jasper snorted and shook his head, but leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees. "Rude, darlin', is leaving in the middle of the night, like a coward."

Carlisle flinched.

"She was devastated," Jasper continued, seeming not to care that his words hurt Carlisle. "She cried, she screamed. She fucking refused to eat. All she did was study and cry, study and cry."

"Jasper, shut up," I snarled, sliding my arm around Carlisle. "Ignore him."

"He's right, though," Carlisle groused. "I hurt you when I left like that." He shifted his eyes to Jasper. "I wish, more than you'll ever know, that I had stayed, that I'd been strong enough to stay. I'm not a good man. I've never claimed to be one. But I love Bella. I am so in love with her, and it scares me."

"What scares you?" Rose asked.

Carlisle sighed. "Of losing her, of not ever being the man she deserves."

"And what kind of man does she deserve?" Jasper asked, his tone much softer than before.

"A good man, an honest man, one that will never hurt her, never make her feel like she's not enough." Carlisle paused and shook his head. "Bella is everything that is good in the world. I don't deserve her. I never will."

"Yes, you do," I whispered, sliding my hand to his cheek and turning his face so that he was looking at me. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he murmured.

"I have an empty room," Jasper said, pulling our attention to him. "I live just off campus, and I have an empty room. It's not much, pretty shitty actually, but if you want it, it's yours. At least until you can find something else."

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable," Carlisle mumbled, clearly just as surprised as I was by Jasper's offer.

Jasper smiled and shook his head. "Look, I'm not going to pretend that I get this." He gestured to the two of us. "But Bella's one of my best friends, and she's a pretty great person. And I know that she's going to be worried to death about you being alone, so just take the room, okay? You can pay half the rent, save me some cash every month. It's win-win."

"All right, thanks," Carlisle said, nodding his head before he looked over at me with a smile on his lips. "I'll be right back, okay? Need to use the restroom."

I nodded and slipped my hands away from him. He stood up and walked down the terminal. Once I was sure he was out of earshot, I turned back to Jasper and Rose. "I know that you don't like him, that you don't think he's a good man, but I love him. Please, don't treat him like shit anymore."

"I'll try," Jasper said. "But if he hurts you again, I'll beat his ass."

"And I'll help," Rose chirped, causing me to look at her. "I feel for him, knowing firsthand how it feels to be abused, but he could have left a long time ago, Bella. He has a long way to go to prove to me that he's worth it in my book."

"I know, and —"

"Bella!"

I snapped my head to my right and cringed when I saw Charlie running down the terminal toward us. Scrambling to my feet, I rushed away from the gate, looking back to see if Carlisle was coming out of the bathroom. Jasper ran past me, toward the men's room, and I hoped that he'd be able to stop Carlisle from coming out. I wasn't ashamed of my relationship with him, but this wasn't the time or place for me to come clean with my father.

Turning just as Charlie ran up to me, I sighed. "What are you doing here?"

He snorted. "What am I doing here? What am I fucking doing here?" he seethed, drawing the attention of everyone around us. Charlie grabbed my arm and attempted to drag me into a secluded corner, but I ripped my arm from his grip. He looked over at me and for the first time in my life, I was afraid of him. "You just . . . You don't get to just leave, Isabella. Middle of the night like a coward."

"I didn't figure you'd miss me," I challenged. "You know, seeing as your little girlfriend called and you went running. Merry Christmas to me, right, Dad?"

Charlie's jaw tightened and his nostrils flared. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, I think you'd be surprised about what I know," I said, stepping toward him. "How is Esme?" His eyes widen just a smidge, but I saw it. The truth behind my question. He was having an affair with her. "That's what I thought."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Bella. I was working last night," he gritted.

"Sure you were," I scoffed. "I don't know who you think you're fooling, Dad. The fact that you can't be honest with me is just proof that you don't want me here."

"Flight 343 to New Haven is now boarding."

I looked back at Rose before turning to Charlie. "Go home, Dad. Just forget about me. It's what you do best."

Turning, I managed two steps before Charlie grabbed my arm and spun me back around, his other hand coming up and grabbing my other arm. A look of rage filled his eyes, and his chest heaved. He drew me up against him. "You're coming back with me."

"No, I'm not," I cried, frantically searching for Carlisle or Jasper, someone to help me because Rose appeared to be frozen. "Let me go, Dad!"

"No!" he roared, shaking me.

His grip on my arms tightened and I screamed. A heartbeat later, I felt someone throw him off me. I fell to the ground and looked up to see Jasper standing there with his hand in a fist. Shifting my eyes over, and I saw Charlie laying on the ground, his lip bleeding. If it wasn't for the two men who had come rushing over and were holding my father to the ground, he probably would have been on his feet and beating the fuck out of Jasper.

"Rose, get her on the plane," Jasper said, his voice calm and even, though I could tell he was barely keeping it together.

"Okay," Rose murmured, shuffling over, grabbing my arm and pulling me to my feet. "Come on, Bella."

"But . . ." I trailed off and looked at Jasper as I stumbled backward.

He shifted his eyes to me. "It'll be okay."

Looking from him to my father, I nodded, grabbed my carry-on bag, and followed Rose to the gate, nearly thrusting my ticket into the flight attendant's hand before running down the tunnel and boarding the plane. Rose and I took our seats, putting our seat belts on and watching to see if Jasper and Carlisle managed to board, too. However, the flight attendants closed the door and the plane pulled away from the gate without Jasper or Carlisle boarding.

I looked over at Rose.

"They'll be okay," she said, who appeared just as worried as me.

"Rose," I whimpered.

She wrapped her arm around me, nestling me in her embrace. "I know, sweetie, but Jasper will make sure he gets to New Haven."

"I hope so," I cried.

—INN—

By the time our flight landed in New Haven, I was a frantic mess. The moment we were given the clear to turn our phones back on, I had my powering up. Thankfully, I had a text from Jasper saying that he and Carlisle had managed to trade their tickets in for a flight that left two hours after ours, and that Charlie had been detained by airport security. I also had a text from him when they boarded the flight, letting me know that everything was okay and they'd be just a couple hours behind us. Of course, I wouldn't be relieved until I had Carlisle back in my arms, where I knew he was safe.

"Come on," Rose said as our plane rolled up to our gate.

I nodded and grabbed my bag, following her off the plane. We grabbed a cup of coffee before settling outside the gate where Carlisle and Jasper's flight was scheduled to arrive in just under two hours.

"Oh, shit," Rose said, grabbing my arm and pushing up my sleeve. Looking down, I saw the bruises beginning to form, a perfect imprint of my father's hand. A glance at my other arm showed a similar one there, too. "You know, I didn't believe you when you said he wasn't a good father."

"I know," I murmured. "He wasn't always so bad, though. There was a time when I was the most important part of his life. Not sure when I became second best, or even third."

"He does love you," she said, quietly. "I mean, he has a warped way of showing it, and I think he's so blinded by Esme that he can't see how she's manipulating him, but he did chase after you, Bella. Not all fathers would do that."

"That's true. I won't deny that my father loves me, Rose. It's just . . ." I turned so that I was facing her. "He's never there. He'd promise that we'd spend the day eating junk food and watching movies, but then he'd get a call and have to go to work. Instead of letting me stay home alone, he sent me Carlisle's house. He's never trusted me, never looked at me as someone, and not something in his way. I miss my father, Rose, but the man who came charging at me in the airport is not him. The man who ditched us on Christmas is not him." I paused and dragged my hand through my hair. "I'm not a good daughter," I admitted, and before she could defend me, I put my hand up. "I know I'm not. Good daughters don't have affairs with married men, don't blame their father's for not being able to protect them from said married man. But he wasn't a good father."

"Bella, are you sure you want to continue your relationship with Carlisle?" Rose asked, but before I could defend myself, she put her hand up. "Just hear me out. Please?"

"Okay," I sighed and leaned back in my seat.

Rose blew out a deep breath. "I know you love him. I'd be a fool not to see that, but I've watched you beating yourself up for months because you were with him. You shouldn't feel guilty about being in love, you shouldn't feel like a whore because you fell in love with him."

My eyes widened. "How'd you —"

"You talk in your sleep," she whispered.

I sighed and closed my eyes. "Oh."

"Yeah," she mumbled.

"I'm not sure what to say," I admitted, looking over at her. "I know it doesn't make sense, Rose. I know that when the world looks at him and me, all they'll see is an older man and a gold-digging little whore. They'll assume that I'm using him for his money, or that he's trying to stay young. They won't look at us and see a man who loves a woman, or a woman who loves a man. Shit, we already dealt with that when he drove me to school in August." I paused, bringing my hand to my chest. "Carlisle's the first person to look at me and not see a child. He makes me feel needed, he makes me feel beautiful and sexy. And I know that it's crazy, but I don't care. I love him, Rose."

She smiled and shook her head. "I don't mean to sound like a bitch. I just worry about you."

"I know, and I'm appreciative of your concern. I've never had a friend who didn't care only about herself, Rose," I whimpered, grabbing her hand.

"Well, you have one in me," she whispered. "And in Jasper. If that boy wasn't gay, he'd be fighting for your heart, sweetie."

I laughed. "Maybe."

Two hours later, Jasper and Carlisle's flight rolled up to the gates. I stood up and waited for the doors to open. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest and my nerves were on fire. I needed to see for myself that Carlisle and Jasper were okay. A couple dozen people walked out of the doors before Jasper and Carlisle.

With tears filling my eyes, I ran over to Carlisle, throwing myself in his arms and wrapping my body against his. He laughed, but before he could say anything, I crushed my mouth against his, thrusting my tongue between his lips. Carlisle moaned, his arms tightening around me, his hand sliding down under my ass so he could hold me up.

Jasper cleared his throat, drawing our attention to him. I smiled as I detangled myself from my lover's arms and walked over to him, giving him a hug and whispering, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he murmured, kissing the top of my head.

Stepping backward, I released a deep breath and reached for Carlisle, who took my hand with a smile. Once we had our luggage, we headed out to my car, or his car I guess. The car he'd left me when he went back to Forks. Since Rose and I had dropped Jasper off at the airport, so he wouldn't have to keep his motorcycle at the airport while he was gone, we headed over to his apartment.

The four of us headed up. Jasper opened the door and waved us in after him. The apartment wasn't much. There was mix-matched furniture in the living room, the kitchen was outdated, and the bathroom was tiny.

"That's your room," Jasper said, gesturing to the small, guest room next to the bathroom. "Sorry, it's not more. I had a roommate until this year, but he graduated and moved out. I just never bothered getting a new one."

"It's fine," Carlisle said, tossing his bag onto the bed and placing his hands on his hips. "I know you don't want me here, but I appreciate you giving me a chance."

Jasper nodded and looked over at me. "Yeah, well, if she says you're a good guy, then I believe her. Just keep the noise down. I have class every morning at eight, and I study a lot."

Carlisle smiled. "Sounds like a deal. Hopefully, I'll be able to find a job soon."

Jasper brought his hand up to the back of his head, dragging his fingers through his hair. "Well, I'm tired, so . . ."

Turning my eyes to Carlisle, I sighed. I wasn't ready to be away from him, yet I knew Jasper wouldn't be okay with me staying with him. He was already stepping out of his comfort zone by asking Carlisle to move in. "I guess, I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

He nodded and wrapped his arms around me, pressing his forehead against mine. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I whispered, closing the distance between our lips.

—INN—

"God, you drive me wild," I moaned, my fingers tangling in Carlisle's hair as he peppered my stomach with kisses.

He shifted his eyes up to mine, a smirk tugging on his lips. "I know. That's the point."

I laughed and pushed his head down, begging him to eat my pussy. Giving me a slow lick, he wrapped his arms around my thighs and buried his face in me. I moaned again, the feeling of him between my legs had me trembling. I couldn't get enough of him. He'd been back in New Haven with me for eight days, and we'd found a way to be together every day. Today, we were in my dorm room. Rose had gone into Boston with Jasper, promising that they would be gone until at least ten.

"Jesus Christ," I groaned, biting my lip to keep from screaming as Carlisle proceeded to devour me. "So close, baby."

"Give it to me," he demanded, his tongue pressing against my clit.

"Fuck!" I cried out, shaking as my orgasm washed over me.

Carlisle smiled as he leaned up and pressed his lips against mine. "I love the way you taste, baby. So fucking good."

"I like how I taste, too," I giggled, sliding my tongue along his lips. "Especially on you."

He growled as he leaned up on his hands, pressing his hips against me. I could feel his hard cock teasing my pussy, begging to be inside of me. Sliding my hands down the side of his chest, I grabbed his hips, wrapped my legs around the back of his, and pulled him into me. We both moaned at the contact.

"Fuck," he hissed, rotating his hips in a circle before pulling back and thrusting back into me.

"More," I begged.

Carlisle kept his eyes locked on mine as he set a fast pace, making sure that with every thrust of his hips, he was filling me completely. Keeping one hand next to my head, he reached down with the other, grabbing my thigh and pulling it up over his hip.

"I can't get enough of you," he murmured. "You're everything I need, everything I want."

"You . . . for me . . . too," I stammered, knowing that I wasn't making sense.

Carlisle leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. The combination of him inside of me and the feel of his lips on mine sent me over the edge. He thrust a handful of times before he stilled his hips and finding his own release.

Rolling onto the bed next to me, he draped his arm across my stomach. "I don't want to start my job tomorrow."

I sighed and looked over at him. He'd gotten a call from Yale New Haven Hospital three days ago and offered a spot in their emergency room. While he was thankful for the job, I knew he was nervous about Esme finding him. So was I. Charlie had been calling non-stop and I worried that he was telling her about me and she might put two-and-two together and realize that he was with me.

"I know, but you have to. I'll have class, anyway, so you'd be bored," I said.

He scoffed. "You're probably right, but I am going to miss all this time together."

"Me too," I murmured. "We're just gonna have to be creative."

"Creative, I can handle," he laughed, leaning up on his elbow. "You know what I'm thinking?"

"Yes, but I'm too sore, baby," I groused, placing my hand on his chest.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "I was thinking we should go out for diner. Our last night of freedom. What do you say?"

"I think that's a great idea," I giggled. "But I need to shower first. Want to shower with me?"

"I do, but I don't much want everyone on your floor to see me naked," he said giving me a look. "Why don't I come pick you up in an hour? That give you time to get dressed?"

I nodded.

"Good. Wear something sexy for me, baby," he purred, kissing me before climbing out of my bed.

"I will," I whispered.

Fifty minutes later, I walked out of my dorm room wearing a little red, silk dress that I found in Rose's closet, and hoped that she wouldn't mind me borrowing it. I took the elevator to the lobby and headed for the front door, but stopped when I felt someone grab my arm. Turning, I gasped.

"Edward?" I brought my hand up to my chest. "What are you doing here?"

He laughed. "I transferred to Yale, Swan."

**Thank you for all the reviews. So, yeah, I left it like that . . . **


	23. Chapter 23

I stood there frozen, letting Edward's words sink in. He'd transferred to Yale. It wasn't lost on me that his arrival coincided with his father's sudden decision to leave his wife, to move away from the small town that was suffocating him and enabling the abuse he'd suffered at the hands of Esme Cullen. Over the last few days Carlisle had shared more with me about his life with her, how all she cared about was being married to a doctor, to having the best of everything. How she'd threaten to hurt his children if he ever told anyone where he got the bruises. It wasn't until Emmett, Edward, and Alice were older that Esme began to be more selective on where she hit him, always making sure the bruises were easily covered and easily explained. And now Edward was standing here. Had Esme sent her son to spy on him? On me?

"Swan, you all right?" Edward laughed, fucking laughed like everything in my world hadn't just been tossed upside.

Before I could answer him, however, I saw Carlisle walking toward the front door. Based on the smile on his face, he hadn't realized that the tall, auburn haired man in front of me was his son. Fumbling, I dug my phone out of my purse and sent Carlisle a quick text, hoping that he'd see it before he opened the doors.

"Bella!" Edward said again, this time waving a hand in front of my face.

I snapped my eyes to his. "Fucking leave me alone!" I snarled, before brushing past him and running outside, grabbing Carlisle's arm and dragging him away from the building before he could as much as say hello.

"What the fuck, Bella!" Carlisle exclaimed, trying to pull his arm out of my hand, but I tightened my grip. "You're fucking hurting me!"

"Edward is in there!" I nearly yelled as we reached his car, or my car depending on who you asked. I'd tried to give it back to him, but he insisted that it was mine, that he'd bought it for me. Right now, it didn't matter. Carlisle's mouth flopped open and he began to look over his shoulder but I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck, pulling his lips down so that they were almost touching mine. "This isn't the time, or the way that he should find out that you're here. Please, just get into the car."

Carlisle released a shaky breath, but nodded so I released him. He scrambled around to the driver's seat while I climbed into the passenger seat. From my viewpoint, I could see Edward standing in the doorway to the dorms, but knew that he wouldn't be able to see us. Carlisle's hands were shaking as he started the car and pulled out of the parking space, through the lot, and off campus.

I reached over and placed my hand over his, causing him to flinch. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

He gave me a weak smile as he continued to drive through New Haven. "It's okay. You didn't mean to."

"Did you know he was transferring to Yale?" I asked.

Carlisle shook his head. "But he hasn't been speaking to me. Not since Thanksgiving. None of them have. They blame me for hurting their mother."

I inhaled a sharp breath and turned my focus out the window. "Do you think _she _sent him here?"

"No," he scoffed, causing me to look over at him. "She's a manipulator, Bella. She always made sure that she was the victim in everything. She'd get pissed because she saw me talking to a nurse at the hospital, but she would wait until the kids weren't in the house before she's slap me and call me names. I don't know that they even realize half of what she's done to me."

"I hate her," I groused, tightening my hold on his hand.

"Me too," he murmured, pulling up in front of James' diner. "Do you think it's safe to come here? Do you think he'll follow?"

"I don't know," I admitted.

Carlisle didn't seem sure, either, but he didn't say anything as he opened his door and climbed out. He rushed around to my side of the car and opened my door, offering me his hand. As I slid out of my seat, I looked around to see if Edward had followed us, but I didn't see him, or any trace of him. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he was here in New Haven.

Carlisle lead me inside the restaurant. James and Laurent were standing behind the counter. They looked over at me and smiled, but when they saw the man next to me, their smiles fizzled. I'd brought Carlisle in the day after we arrived back in New Haven and introduced him to both of them, but of course, they didn't approve of the age difference. I suspected that Jasper and Rose had filled them in more about Carlisle, about the fact that he was technically married, but neither James nor Laurent had been rude to him at least.

"Hey, honey," James called, reaching over the counter for me. I smiled as I walked over and allowed him to hug me. "You ready for classes to start back up?"

"Not really," I admitted, giving Laurent a hug next and then reaching out for Carlisle, who was by my side in a heartbeat. "He's starting a new job tomorrow, though, so it'll be good to have something to occupy my time."

"Oh, where are you going to be working?" James asked, his tone tight.

"Yale New Haven Hospital. In the ER," he replied.

"How nice," Laurent said, his tone even tighter than his lovers.

I rolled my eyes and pulled Carlisle toward a booth in the back, sliding in first before indicating that I wanted him to hit next to me, which he did. James came over and placed two menus in front of us before asking us what we'd like to drink.

"Iced tea, please," I ordered.

He nodded before looking over at Carlisle. "For you?"

"The same, I guess," he replied.

"Do you know what to eat?" James asked.

"I'd like a turkey and cheese sandwich. No fries," I told him, sliding my menu across the table.

Once again, James nodded and looked at Carlisle. "Do you know yet?"

"Yeah, um, I'll take the club sandwich. No tomatoes, please," he ordered before placing his menu on top of mine.

"Okay, I'll get those right out." With a sigh, James reached for our menus, but paused when I grabbed his hand, causing him to look over at me.

"When you realized that you were gay and you came out of the closet, did everyone in your life understand?"

He pressed his lips together before saying, "No. I came from a small town in Tennessee where the men aren't supposed to want to suck cock, much less get fucked in the ass."

"But you didn't let them stop you from falling in love, did you?" I asked, tilting my head toward Laurent, who was listening to our conversation from behind the counter.

James sighed, his eyes shifting to Carlisle before he looked at me. "No, but he wasn't a married man when I met him, either."

Beside me, Carlisle flinched. I released James' hand and wrapped my arm around Carlisle. "I love him, and if you like me at all, then you'll stop being a douche to him."

James shook his head. "We're trying, Bella, but you mean a lot to Jasper, who means a lot to us. When he tells us that he's worried about you, that you're putting yourself in a dangerous position all because some guy couldn't find the balls to leave his wife before he got involved with you, well we tend to worry." He looked at Carlisle. "I don't mean to be an asshole. I really don't, but Bella's important to us, to Jasper. And if you knew that boy, how unlike it is for him to reach out to anyone the way he did her, the way he is with you, then you'd understand."

"I know that I'm not a good man," Carlisle said, shifting his attention to James. "I should have done a lot of things in my life differently, but I can't change the mistakes I've made, no matter how much I want to. What I can do, though, is strive to become the man that Bella deserves. I do love her, and even though you don't like me, I do appreciate that you both and Jasper and Rose are looking out for her."

James' lips twitched upward into a smile. "I believe you." Shifting his eyes to me, he added, "I'll get your food right out."

"Thanks," I said, hoping he'd understand why.

He tilted his head in my direction before giving Laurent our order and then going off to help another customer. Angling my body toward Carlisle, I brought his hand to my lap. "Sorry about him."

"Don't be," he laughed, shifting toward me. "They care about you."

I sighed. "What are we going to go about Edward?"

Carlisle's brow furrowed. "I don't know. Should I call him? Ask him why he's here?"

"And how are you going to explain how you knew when he hasn't talked to you about it?"

"Good point," he said. "Maybe I should move into Boston, find a job there. I don't want to run away, to hide what we have, Bella, but until I can get the divorce finalized, I worry that she's going to come after you."

"I don't want you to leave New Haven, either, and I'm not afraid of Esme," I told him.

"You should be," he groused. "You don't know the things she capable of doing, Bella. The rage that fills her when she doesn't get her way." He paused and looked over at me. "She's a violent bitch, who will stop at nothing to get what she wants."

I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth. "Can I ask you something?"

He nodded.

"Do you think she ran my mother off? Honestly?" I asked.

Carlisle sighed. "I do. She and Charlie, their affair has been going on for years. I'm selfish enough to admit that I didn't care that she was with him because that meant she wasn't at home with me. I'm sorry that you've gotten hurt, that you've been pulled into the middle of all of this because I was too much of a coward to leave my wife, to stop myself from wanting you."

"I don't want you not to want me," I said, bringing my hand up to his face. "Carlisle, you've not a bad man. We've both made mistakes, but we're together, and I won't let anyone, not even your bitch of a wife, stop me from being with you."

"I don't deserve you," he whispered.

"Yes, you do," I whispered back. "One day you'll believe me."

James dropped off our food a few minutes later. We made small talk about my classes and his new job while we ate, but I could tell that his mind was elsewhere. He was scared about Edward being here, about Esme finding him, about everything blowing up in our faces. Hell so was I. We had everything to lose, but I would I hang on to him for dear life.

Once we were done eating, we paid our check and climbed back into the car. Though I could tell he didn't want to, I told Carlisle to drive me back to campus. His shift started early and I had an early class, which means we both needed to get some sleep.

"Call me tomorrow?" I asked, grabbing the door handle.

"Duh," he laughed. "Are you sure you won't need the car? I can get a cab or take the bus or something."

"I'm pretty sure I can manage to walk across campus. Take the car. I'll feel better knowing that you've got it," I told him. Then, I leaned across the seat and placed my hand on his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he whispered before pressing his lips against mine. "Be careful tomorrow, okay? Please?"

I smiled and nodded. "I promise."

Giving him one more kiss, I climbed out of the car and rushed up the front walk and pulled open the door. Surprisingly, I found Edward seated on the selection of couches. His eyes lifted to mine and he smiled and stood up.

"Hey, Swan."

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I told you. I transferred here," he snickered.

"Why?"

"Because Yale has the best medical program in the country," he said, smirking. "And they wanted me."

I shook my head. "Why are you here? In my dorm, I mean?"

"Because I'm in love with you and I want you to have my babies," he said, rolling his eyes. "I'm here, Swan, because they assigned me to this dorm. But they seemed to have lost the second key to my room, so they are waiting for a locksmith to come and change the locks, since my new roommate is MIA. Therefore, I'm stuck here in the lobby."

"Why didn't you tell me on Christmas Eve that you were coming here?" I asked, still unsure if I believed him.

"Why would I?" he scoffed.

"Why wouldn't you?" I challenged. "You knew I go here."

"Fair enough. I hadn't gotten the official word until a couple days ago, and Christmas Eve was enough of a clusterfuck with . . ." He trailed off and pursed his lips together. "Well, with Alice going crazy, and then my father left my mother . . . again."

"Oh?" I asked, trying to keep my tone calm and even. "And do you know where he is?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "Probably off fucking some cheap slut."

I barely hid my flinch. "That's not a nice thing to say."

He rolled his eyes and flopped back down on the couch. "Well, Dad's a bastard, and Mom's a cold-hearted bitch."

I wasn't sure what to say so instead, I just stood there.

"I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head. "Things at my house have been fucked up for a while. It's no wonder you stopped coming over." Edward shifted his eyes to mine. "Alice misses you, though."

"She misses who I used to be, not who I am now," I said.

"Probably," he admitted.

I sighed and brought my arms up around my torso. "I should go. I've got an early class."

"Well, I'll probably see you around, Swan," he said, laying down on the couch and propping his feet up on the arm rest. "You look pretty by the way. I hope that guy you dragged to the car treated you nice."

"He did," I murmured. "Goodnight, Edward."

"Night, Swan."

Leaving him lying on the couch, I walked over to the elevator and pressed the up arrow, waiting for the door to open. When it did, I stepped inside and rode it up to my room on the third floor. Rose was laying on her bed when I walked in, immediately sitting up.

"Okay, you saw Edward in the lobby, too, right?" she asked before I managed to say anything.

Sighing, I nodded. "Yeah, he arrived just before Carlisle showed up for our date," I told her, causing her eyes to fly open. "I know! Luckily, I was able to get to Carlisle before Edward saw anything, but it's just too much of a coincidence, don't you think?"

"I do," she admitted. Tossing my phone onto the bed, I began to strip of my clothes. "Nice dress, by the way."

"Sorry," I said with a frown. "I should have asked first."

"It's okay," she said, waving me off. "It looks better on you than on me, anyway."

I laughed, certain that wasn't true. I hung it on the outside of my closet, making a mental note to get it cleaned in the next couple of days. Putting my pajamas on first, I climbed into my bed and sent Carlisle a text, telling him about my conversation with Edward. He replied a few minutes later with a frownie face, which had me laughing, and a promise that everything would be okay. As I snuggled in under my blankets, I knew that nothing would be okay. Edward was now here Yale, Esme was fucking my father, and I had a strange feeling that my mother's disappearance wasn't what it seemed.

**Pretty fucked up, right? Thank you for all the reviews.**


	24. Chapter 24

Avoiding Edward turned out to be harder than I thought. It seemed like he was everywhere: the elevator, the cafeteria, even the library. I wanted to believe more than anything that he hadn't been sent here by his mother to watch me, to find his father, but I couldn't help wonder why all the sudden Edward decided to transfer to Yale.

Though he tried to hide it, I could tell that Edward's presence in New Haven had Carlisle on edge, too. He'd started his new job at Yale New Haven Hospital two weeks ago, and I hadn't gotten to spend more than an hour with him since. Between him working nights and my classes and study schedule, we'd both been extremely busy. Plus, he didn't feel comfortable coming to campus, not with Edward seeming to show up everywhere. I missed Carlisle.

"Miss Swan," my professor barked, pulling me out of the million thoughts swarming through my head. I shifted my attention over to him. Dr. Gerandy was standing behind the desk, one hand perched up on his hip while the other was pointing to chemical equation he'd written on the board. "Am I boring you, Miss Swan?"

"No, sir," I muttered, feeling my cheeks turn bright red as the rest of my class turned and looked over me, snickers trickling out of their mouths.

"Then maybe you could pull your head out of your ass and answer the question," he snarled, once again pointing to the board.

"Um," I stammered, straightening up in my seat and looking down at the notes I'd jotted half-heartedly in my notebook.

"Don't bother, Miss Swan," he quipped before shifting his eyes to a bleached-blond sophomore sitting in the front row and asked her to answer the question, which she did in a heartbeat. A few minutes later, Dr. Gerandy dismissed class, telling me to stay back. Just what I didn't need, a lecture from my professor. Once the rest of the class had left, Dr. Gerandy turned his attention back to me. An older man, closer to seventy than sixty, he had soft, wispy silver hair and large, expressive blue eyes. "Miss Swan, do you intend to waste my time this semester?"

"No, sir," I murmured, shifting uneasily from one foot to another. "I know I've been distracted, but —"

"Distracted is not a term I would use, my dear," he stated, fastening the buckle on his brown, leather satchel. He moved around his desk, sitting on the edge. "Look, I know it's not easy leaving home for the first time, being thrust into the world and expected to be an adult, but you have a responsibility when you walk into my classroom. If you can't handle it, then do us both a favor and withdraw from my class. I do not have time to coddle you."

Clenching my jaw tightly, I once again fought the urge to cry.

Dr. Gerandy sighed, folding his arms in front of him. "I don't mean to be harsh, my dear, but you're only doing yourself a disservice by not putting one-hundred percent of your attention into your studies. Yale expects you to be the best."

"I know," I muttered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," he said, standing up and grabbing his satchel. "Just do better."

Without another word, Dr. Gerandy turned and walked out of the classroom, leaving me standing there with tears on my eyes and my humiliation. Shifting my backpack up on my shoulder, I shuffled out of the classroom, down the hallway, and out of the building, just to find Edward sitting on the steps. He looked back at me, his crooked smile that looked eerily like his father's tugging on his lips.

"Hey, Swan," he said, cheekily.

"Edward," I gritted out, walking past him. Of course, he fell into step with me.

"What are you doing for lunch?" he asked.

"Studying," I replied, shifting my eyes up to him. "Don't you have class?"

"Nope," he said with a pop. I nearly rolled my eyes, it was such an Alice thing to do. At the thought of my once-best friend, guilt crept over me. While logically I knew I wasn't personally responsible for her behavior, I knew that if I hadn't pushed her away, she wouldn't have gone quite this far. Or maybe she would have. I was starting to think I didn't know her at all. Her promiscuous behavior, the way she demanded attention, demanded to control every aspect of my life. She was her mother's daughter, a byproduct of Esme's wrath.

"Swan," Edward laughed, snapping his fingers in front of my face.

I pushed his hand out of my face. "Leave me the fuck alone."

"Damn, Swan," he grumbled, scowling. "I'm sorry for trying to be your friend."

"Why do you want to be my friend?" I snarled. "Hmm? Did my father send you here?"

Edward's forehead furrowed. "Why would your father send me here?"

I pressed my lips together, refusing to answer him.

Sighing, he shook his head. "You know what? Just forget it, Bella," he said, calling me by my first name for the first time in years. "I thought maybe we could be friends, maybe then it . . ."

"It what?" I asked.

He looked away. "It's hard transferring in, being alone. I thought . . . Well, I thought maybe you and I could be friends, but I guess like with my sister, you're just too good for a piece of shit like me." Edward looked down at me. "I won't bother you again, Swan."

"Edward," I called after him, but he'd already started walking away.

Sighing, I dragged my hand through my hair. Everything was a fucking mess.

—INN—

"Darlin, are you listening to me?" Jasper groused.

Shifting my eyes from my Organic Chemistry text book, I looked at him. He and I had been sitting in the library for the last hour. I was studying, while he was blabbering on about everything and nothing. "No," I replied. "I'm trying to learn. You should be, too."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "I can't. I'm in love."

I nearly snorted.

"No, really, I am!" he insisted, reaching across the table for my hand. "He's amazing and handsome and God, can the boy kiss!"

"I really don't need details," I laughed, slipping my hand out from under his and grabbing my bottle of water, taking a drink.

"But I need to tell you," he whined, folding his arms on the table and placing his chin on top.

I laughed, softly. "Where'd you meet him?"

"In the student center," he replied. "I was waiting in line for coffee over at the Hub when I saw Jacob walk in with Riley," he sneered, his ex-boyfriend's name dripping off his tongue with venom. "They looked over at me and started laughing. I was so pissed, Bella. Just fuming mad. I turned to walk out, but this guy grabbed my arm and spun me back toward him. He smiled and brought his hands up to my face and then he kissed me!"

"No way!" I exclaimed, louder than I thought because several people shushed me. "Sorry," I muttered, before turning to Jasper. "Some random guy just kisses you and now you're in love?"

"Well, yeah," he laughed. "When I recovered from my state of shock, I realized that he was talking to me. He said he was sorry for being late, but that he'd missed me. It wasn't until I saw Jacob storm out that I realized he was trying to help me out. I bought him a cup of coffee to thank him. We ended up spending the entire afternoon talking." Jasper smiled and shook his head, his cheeks turning red. "He's amazing, Bella. Just . . . sweet and kind and beautiful. God, is he beautiful!"

"Aw, look at you," I cooed, laughing when he ducked his head in embarrassment. "You really like him?"

He nodded. "A lot. I mean, I've only known him for a few days, but he . . . God, Bella, he makes me smile and laugh. Jacob never made me feel like this. With him, I always felt like I had to be the perfect boyfriend, but I know that wasn't fair to me, you know?"

I nodded. "I do. So, when do I get to meet Mr. Wonderful?"

Jasper smiled wider. "He's coming with me to the party tonight."

"You're going to subject him to James and Laurent? I thought you liked him?"

"HaHa, so funny, darlin," he replied, dryly.

"I'm kidding," I said. "I look forward to meeting him."

"Is Carlisle still coming?" Jasper asked, shifting his eyes to mine.

While Jasper had been reluctant to accept Carlisle's place in my life, sometime over the last few weeks, something changed. He was still concerned over the impact that our relationship was having on me, the distance between me and my father, and the risk of Esme coming after us, but I knew that he liked Carlisle, respected him.

I nodded and smiled. "First night off in a week, so we thought we'd celebrate!"

Jasper grinned. "Good. Now, get back to studying. We have another hour of studying scheduled."

"Yes, sir." I smirked as I brought my hand up and saluted him.

Jasper snorted and returned his attention to his book, while I did that same.

An hour later, we packed up everything and departed ways. He went to his apartment, while I went to my dorms. When I walked in, I saw Edward laying across the couch in the lobby, an anatomy book propped up on his chest. He shifted his eyes over to me, frowning before he turned away. It'd been three days since I'd lashed out at him and today had been the first time I'd seen him.

Of course, before I could say anything to Edward, he turned his attention back to his book. I should have apologized, but I didn't because I didn't want to admit that he was right. I was so wrapped up in protecting Carlisle, of shielding him away from his son, that I'd overlooked how much Edward was hurting. His parents were getting divorced, his father had all but disappeared, and Alice was lashing out at everyone, based on the hateful messages she left on my cell phone every day.

Sighing, I walked over to the elevator, pressing the up arrow. When the doors opened, I stepped inside. They were almost closed when a hand flew out and pushed them back open. Lifting my eyes up, I found Edward standing there. He didn't say anything as he stepped inside and pressed the third floor, followed by the fourth. The doors slid closed and we stood there in awkward silence.

"So, how's school going?" I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders.

I bit the inside of my lip. "Talk to Emmett lately?"

"Nope," he replied.

A moment later, the doors opened on the third floor. Sighing, I stepped out and looked back at him. He watched me as the door closed once again, and once more, I felt like the biggest asshole. Would there ever be a time when the people in my life didn't suffer because I was a bitch?

Rose was standing in front of her mirror with a towel wrapped around her body, applying make-up. She looked over at me and smiled. "Hey. I was starting to think you'd stood me up."

"Jasper kept distracting me," I snickered, tossing my backpack on my bed and grabbing my towel, my shower kit, and kicking off my shoes. "You know how he gets."

"I do," she laughed.

Stripping off my clothes, I wrapped my towel around myself before opening the door and walking down to the bathroom. Once again, Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley were standing in front of the mirror, applying a grotesque layer of lip gloss and adjusting their tighter-than-sin dresses.

"Hey, Bella," Jessica chirped, turning toward me and placing her hand on her hip. "What do you think?"

"You look great," I said, and she did. She had a fantastic body, one that she wasn't afraid to flaunt. "Where are you going?"

"To this fabulous new club in Boston," Lauren answered. "It's supposed to be the next big thing. Of course, I'd rather stay here and have my way with that sexy beast on the fourth floor," she laughed, looking at me through the mirror. "Have you seen Edward yet?"

I nodded.

"Isn't he just gorgous," she cooed.

"I guess," I replied. I'd never really thought of Edward as anything other than Alice's older brother.

Lauren scoffed and turned toward me. "You guess? I swear, Bella, I'm starting to think you're a lesbian."

"Why? Because I'm not lusting over him," I clipped, suddenly feeling very defensive.

"Well, yeah," she quipped, placing her hand on her hip. "It's fine if you are. There is nothing wrong with liking pussy."

I shook my head. "I am not a lesbian," I told them, reaching into the shower and turning on the water. "I'm just not interested in Edward. Besides, I'm seeing someone."

"Oh, tell us about him," Jessica gushed.

"Sorry, I don't kiss and tell," I tittered.

"You're no fun," she pouted, grabbing her make-up bag off the counter over the sink and walking out of the bathroom.

Lauren smiled as she walked over to me, standing closer than I'd like, and brought her hand up to my face. "Listen, if you ever feel the urge to taste pussy, give me a call. Like I said, there isn't anything wrong with it."

And before I could reply, she turned and walked out of the bathroom, leaving me standing there with a nasty taste in my mouth. Lauren Mallory had just offered to let me eat her pussy. The world was coming to an end. Hanging my towel on the hook next to the shower, I stepped in under the water and tried desperately to wash the idea of her touching me away.

An hour later, Rose and I walked out of our room and headed down to the lobby. She was swearing a gorgeous pair of black leather pants and a red silk blouse that hugged her tits, while I had opted to wear a bright blue sweater dress, a pair of black tights, and Rose's black leather knee-high stiletto boots that she said made my ass look amazing.

Since we weren't sure of Edward was around, Carlisle had agreed to me picking him up at his and Jasper's apartment. I knew it was hard on him, being hidden away like that, but neither of us were ready for Edward to find out about our relationship. The last three weeks had been stressful. Esme was contesting the divorce, which we weren't surprised by. Carlisle's lawyer had told him that with her fighting every step, the divorce would likely take months, if not years, to finalize. Carlisle once again offered me an out, saying that he'd understand if I wasn't in it for the long run, but I shut him up by kissing him and told him that no matter, he and I were together.

"Shit, it's cold," Rose whined as we walked over to my car and climbed in.

"Supposed to snow tonight, I think," I replied, starting the car and hoping like hell it warmed up quickly.

"Great," she groaned.

After a few minutes the heater was warm enough for me to turn on and I pulled up in front of Carlisle and Jasper's building. He came rushing out and climbed into the backseat, insisting that Rose stay in the front. He leaned over from the back, however, and gave me a kiss.

"Did you study?" he asked.

"A little," I replied, shifting into drive and pulling away from the curb. "Though, Jasper kept distracting me. Apparently, he's in love."

"What?" Rose laughed while Carlisle merely smiled.

"Yep, it's his story to tell, but he seemed really happy," I told them. "He's bringing him to the party."

"Oh, damn, he must really like this guy if he's risking James and Laurent meeting him," Rose snickered.

"That's what I said," I exclaimed, looking at Carlisle through the rearview mirror. "You look tired."

"I am tired," he laughed. "I slept all day. Or tried to, at least, but I couldn't. I missed having you in my arms."

My cheeks warmed, causing him and Rose to laugh as I parked in front of James and Laurent's house. There were already a half dozen cars parked out front, including Jasper's motorcycle. How he could handle riding that thing when it was so cold was beyond me, but he did. Said it made him feel free.

The minute the three of us were out of the car, Carlisle had his arm wrapped around my waist, his hand cupping my cheek, and his lips pressed against mine. Rose muttered something about us getting a room and meeting us inside before she left us alone. While she wouldn't admit it, I think it was hard on Rose to see me so happy. It wasn't that she wanted me to be miserable, just more that she didn't want to be alone anymore. A part of her was jealous, and I hated that she felt that way.

"God, it feels like it's been months since I kissed you," Carlisle groaned, his lips traveling down my neck, sucking on the curvature on my neck.

"I've missed you, too," I gasped, struggling to think straight with him kissing me like this. "Lover, stop!"

Carlisle growled, but pulled his mouth from my skin. "Fine, but I'm having my way with you tonight. I need you, Bella."

"You can have me," I purred, placing my hand on his chest. "But first, we have to make an appearance at the party."

He groaned, and I knew he didn't really want to go. But it was important for him to start a new life, to break away from routine and really start to live. "Okay, okay, let's go."

Smiling, I slid my hand down into his and dragged him toward the house. James had the door opened before we were even there, greeting us with a smile and waving us inside. Like Jasper and Rose, I knew he and Laurent struggled with my relationship with Carlisle, but they were making an effort, something that meant the world to me.

"I thought I was going to have to bring out the hose with the way you two were making out," James teased.

"Whatever," I scoffed. "Where's Jasper?"

"He's in the living," James replied, leading us into the large, spacious house.

However, in that moment two things happened. Jasper looked over at me a huge smile on his lips as he grabbed the hand of the tall, auburn haired man next to him, and I gasped. Because the man standing next to Jasper was Edward.

**Thank you for all the reviews. I know, I know, the shit is about to hit the fan. :)**


	25. Chapter 25

Felt like we were in a movie, where time slowed down and every action could be seen in agonizingly drawn out motion. Edward turned toward Jasper, but stopped when he spotted me in the doorway of the living room with his father's hand wrapped around mine, and a dozen emotions sprang up on his face: shock, disbelieve, anger, hatred, but not understanding or acceptance or love. Nothing but anger and hate.

I wanted to take Carlisle and run away, to spare him the hurt that was about to fall upon him, but I couldn't. We'd hidden our love for as long as we could, and I knew the fallout with Edward would be just the start of what we'd face in defense of our love. The underworld was pulling us under, and the devil was licking at our wounds, reminding us of every sin we'd committed on our path to Hell.

"Edward," Carlisle caution as his son looked from him to me and back to him.

"Oh, my God," he muttered, his jaw tense and ridge, his eyes were large and smoldering with anger. "Are you fucking kidding me, Dad? She's the slut you've been fucking?"

I flinched backward, the sting of his accusation striking like a hot iron against my cool skin. He wasn't wrong, of course. I had been a slut, a whore, a tramp for Carlisle, but I'd also been his confidant, the one person to see how scared he was to be around Esme, the fear he had of losing his life to the crazy bitch he'd married.

"Don't fucking call her that," Carlisle snarled, releasing my hand only to wrap his arm around my waist and nestle me against his side. A part of me loved that he was holding me, that he wasn't going to allow his son to degrade me, but the other part worried that he was just throwing me in his son's face. "I'm in love with her."

Edward snarled, his free hand clenching into a fist. "Love her? She's a fucking little bitch, or have you forgotten what she's done to Alice! Of course you have. Too busy sticking your dick in her to care about your daughter!"

Once again, I found myself flinching from the accusation lacing his words. Jasper looked from us to Edward, confusion etched on his face, while Rose was standing next to him with her hand covering her lips and wide, fretful eyes.

"Babe, what the fuck is going on here?" Jasper asked, looking back at Edward.

Edward turned from me and Carlisle down to Jasper. "That's my father, who is married. He left my mother without a fucking word so he could fuck that little slut."

Jasper's eyes flittered to a close as he sighed. "Carlisle's your father."

It wasn't a question, but a statement. Jasper had finally found someone he cared about, and he turned out to be the son of my lover, the man who he helped me smuggle away from his wife. Jasper had already given so much, yet now he was having to give more, and all because of me.

"You know him?" Edward asked.

Jasper nodded. "He's my roommate," he admitted, opening his eyes and looking at Edward. "And I helped him leave your mother."

Edward looked like he was going to throw up as he yanked his hand from Jasper's, taking several steps backward when Jasper reached out for him. "Don't fucking touch me. You helped him leave my mom? You?"

"I did," Jasper admitted. "But I had to. He was in danger."

"Danger?" Edward scoffed, seeming to forget the crowd of people around us. James and Laurent were standing next to Tanya and Kate, who were next to Garrett, all of them gawking at the scene that was unraveling in front of them, watching as it became public information about my affair with a married man, about the abuse he took at the hands of his wife and Edward's mother.

"Yes," Jasper said, calmly. He reached for Edward, who shuffled away from him. "Edward, just let us explain."

"Explain? Explain what? How my father has been fucking that whore?" Edward shifted his eyes over to me and Carlisle, who was holding me so tight I knew I'd have bruises. "How long? Hmm? How long have you been having an affair with _her_?"

The emphasis he put on 'her' had me reeling. Though Edward and I had never been close friends, he'd never treated me like I was less than human. Not that I blamed him, of course. I had destroyed the perfect world he'd lived in, the one he didn't see with clear eyes. No, like Alice and Emmett, I suspected that Edward had been led to believe that Carlisle was the only one at fault for the destruction of his parents' marriage.

"A while," Carlisle admitted. "But there are things you don't understand, things I never wanted you to know."

"Like that you're a bastard? That you've been fucking your daughter's best friend?" he asked, causing everyone to look at me. "Oh, that's right, Bella. You're not Alice's friend anymore, are you? Now it makes perfect sense. The way you pushed her way, the way you threw away eighteen years of friendship with her. All you cared about was luring my father into your bed!"

"That's not fair," I argued.

"Fair?" Edward yelled, causing Carlisle to flinch. "You know what's not fair? Not being able to tell my father that I was transferring schools because . . ." He trailed off, dragging a hand over his face and through his hair. "Just forget it."

Sparing Jasper a look first, Edward walked past me and Carlisle, and out of the house, letting the door slam shut behind him with a deafening crack. I turned and followed him, grabbing his arm as he stepped out on the front porch. Edward tore his arm out of my grip and glared at me.

"You can hate me, Edward. Honestly, I expected worse than this. But your father, he's been through hell because of your mom. She's hurt him."

Edward shook his head. "Don't you think I know just what a bitch my mother is, Bella? I grew up in that house. I saw what she did to him, I knew how much she hurt him. Why do you think I never came home? Why do you think I've never told them I was gay?"

"If you knew the hell he was going through, then how could you leave him there?" I asked, completely flabbergasted that he'd leave his father in the hands of that bitch. "Forget about me. He's your father, Edward, and you left him in the hands of a monster!"

Edward's jaw tightened. "I did. Because I was scared, because I . . . I was afraid of what she'd do to me."

"Me too." I spun around and saw Carlisle standing in the doorway of the house. I could see the tears flooding his eyes, the sorrow and grief that filled his heart. "The first time she hit me was right after Alice was born. I'd . . . I'd had to work late, and Alice had cried all day because she was colicky. When I got home, your mom was so angry because she was supposed to go out with her friends that night, but a trauma had come into the ER, and I couldn't leave. I was barely into my residency and I couldn't just leave when they needed all hands on deck. You and Emmett were already in bed, and she nearly threw Alice at me, yelling and screaming for me to make her shut up. And I did. I rocked her until she fell asleep and put her in her crib. I walked into the bedroom to get ready for bed, when . . ." Carlisle took a deep breath. "When she came at me. She, um, she threw me into the wall and started hitting me with her fists. Just over and over and over. I crumbled to the floor and tried to protect myself, but I still felt every hit.

"Finally, she stopped. And I looked over at her, and she looked like a completely different person, Edward. There wasn't any remorse in her eyes, nothing but pleasure from the beating she'd given me. She told me that next time I was late, next time I caused her to miss her night out, she'd really make me pay. And I knew she would. She crawled into bed and turned off the light, leaving me curled up against the wall like I was nothing more than trash. That's how she's always seen me, I guess. The trash she'd never let go of because at least she had someone to take her anger out on."

"Why didn't you leave?" Edward asked, folding his arms in front of his chest. "You could have left her then, taken us with you, but you didn't. You waited until _she_ let you fuck her to leave."

Carlisle's lips trembled. "I tried. I had papers drawn up the next week, Edward. But your mom told me that if I divorced her, she'd take you, Emmett, and Alice away from me, that she'd make sure you paid for my sins. And I couldn't let that happen. So I stayed, and I let her hurt me so that she wouldn't go after you three. I tried to be a good father, to shield you from her, from seeing the kind of person that she really is. But I failed. I know I failed. And I wish more than anything that I'd been strong enough to leave her when you were little, to take you and Emmett and Alice away and raise you without her influence, but I didn't. I was too afraid."

Carlisle shifted his eyes to me. "Bella gave me the courage to be honest with myself, to allow myself to be happy." He looked at Edward. "I didn't want you to find out about us like this, and I'm sorry if it hurts you. But I do love her, Edward. She's everything I never thought I deserved."

Edward dragged his hand over his face and through his hair. "I just can't deal with this right now."

He turned and walked down the front steps as I called out to him, causing him to stop and look back at me. "Don't tell anyone that he's here. Please? I know that's a lot to ask, but she'll kill him if she finds him."

Edward's jaw tightened, but he nodded and walked away from us. I wrapped my arms around Carlisle as we watched him walk down the street until we could no longer see him anymore. Then, Carlisle turned toward me, his arms wrapping around my body.

"Bella." I looked over the door, finding Jasper and Rose standing there. "Did he leave?"

I nodded. "I bet if you hurry, you can catch up to him. He started walking back toward campus."

Jasper's eyes shifted in the direction that Edward left, but he didn't move. Sighing, I pulled myself out of Carlisle's embrace and walked over to him. "Go after him, Jas. He needs you tonight."

"You okay?" he whispered, shifting his attention to me. "I can stay with you, if you need me."

I tried to put on my best smile. "I'm fine. Nothing I wasn't expecting."

"Bella," he fretted, looking toward the direction that Edward headed again.

"Go to him," I whispered, leaning up and pressing my lips against his cheek. "Keep him safe. He's a good guy, Jasper. Just angry right now."

Jasper nodded and kissed my cheek in return before he walked over to Carlisle, placing his hand on his shoulder. It was a gesture of friendship, of acceptance. While neither man said anything, I knew they were offering the other their support, their understanding. Jasper looked back at me once more before he rushed down the front steps, hopped on his motorcycle, and drove off toward Edward.

"Can we leave?" Carlisle asked, and I looked over at him.

Nodding, I said, "Yeah." I turned back to Rose. "Want me to give you a ride back to campus?"

"No, I'll get a cab or something," she murmured.

"We'll make sure she gets home, Bella," James said, stepping up behind her, his eyes flittering from me to Carlisle and back. "Just be careful, okay?"

I nodded again and wrapped my arm around Carlisle, leading him down to the car. He slid into the passenger seat while I climbed in behind the wheel. Starting the car, I pulled away from the house and headed toward his apartment, knowing that the last place he needed to go was back to my dorm room, not with Edward living in the same building as me. Everything had been turned upside down, and I knew I was to blame. I'd forced Carlisle to leave his wife, to choose me over her, but I couldn't be sorry. I needed Carlisle and he couldn't stay with her. She would kill him, and that would destroy me.

I parked in front of the building and the two of us made our way upstairs in silence, the weight of the evening's events weighing heavily over the two of us. Carlisle unlocked the door and ushered me inside, dropping his keys on the table next to the door. Without a word, we made our way down the small hallway and into his bedroom.

The moment Carlisle had the door closed behind us, he had me in his arms, his mouth dominating mine. His kiss was hard and rough, not like the ones he normally gave me and I didn't like it. There was frantic nature to his behavior that had me feeling uneasy and even a little scared.

"I need you," he growled, pawing at the hem of my sweater dress and nearly ripping it off my body.

In a frenzy, he had my clothes strung out on the floor and was nearly throwing me onto the bed. He ripped his clothes off and climbed on to the bed, placing his hands on my knees and turning me so that I was on my stomach. Grabbing my hips, he pulled my ass up toward him and slammed himself into me without warning.

"Ah!" I cried out, my fingers wrapping around his blanket. I hadn't been prepared for him to just take me like that.

Carlisle set a fast, harsh pace. His fingers dug into my skin, and his hips slammed against me so hard, I had to brace myself against his headboard to keep from hitting my head. Carlisle didn't seem to notice as he continued to fuck me with wild abandonment, to take my body for his pleasure without care of how I felt.

"You feel so fucking good, baby," he panted, one of his hands leaving my hip and sliding up my back to the back of my hair. He tangled his hand in my hair, yanking it back so hard that I screamed. "Oh, yeah, baby, scream for me."

He pulled my body up against his, his hand leaving my hair, only to slide around and wrap around my throat. His thrusts were becoming harder and faster, more brutal with each shift of his hips.

"You're mine, all mine. Every part of you belongs to me. Your mouth, your pussy, your ass, all mine to fuck as I want, right?"

I couldn't speak so I nodded, knowing that's what he wanted. With one hand tight around my throat, his other hand came around my body, sliding down to my pussy. His fingers pressed down on my clit, and my body shuddered as I orgasmed around him. Carlisle's hand around my throat became tighter as he thrust once, twice, a third time. I gasped for air, my hands clawing frantically at his arm as he found his own release, filling me with his come.

As the last of the air stilled in my lungs, I felt his teeth dig into my skin at the base of my neck. My scream died out as the darkness washed over me.

**Thank you for all the reviews. I know, I know. Have faith in me. **


	26. Chapter 26

A dull ache pulled me from my deep slumber, and for a moment, I enjoyed the feeling. But then, in a rush of hazy flashes, the events from the night before, everything from seeing Edward standing at Jasper's side to the feel of Carlisle's hand wrapped around my throat as he fucked me like a whore, washed over me and I quickly sat up, biting back the scream that rushed to the tip of my tongue.

I found Carlisle curled up in the corner, naked with his arms wrapped around his knees and his eyes locked on mine. The fear and pain filling them seeped into my soul, yet I found myself unable to move, to go to him. He'd lost control and hurt me, and I wasn't sure what to say to him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so fucking sorry."

I nodded and pulled the sheet up, covering my body. "What time is it?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. Just after six, I think."

Blowing out a deep breath, I quickly did the math. We'd gotten home just after eleven, which mean I'd been out for more than six hours.

"I don't know what came over me," he rambled, his hands sliding into his hair. He pulled, twisted his golden locks between his fingers. "I don't even remember coming home. It was like . . . being in a dream or something."

"Yeah, or something," I whispered.

Carlisle shifted so that he was on his hands and knees, crawling over to the edge of the bed. He reached for me, but I pushed myself backward on the bed. "I'm sorry," he pleaded.

"I know," I said, and I did know that he was sorry, but he'd lost control, something that I couldn't just overlook.

Carlisle dragged himself off the floor and climbed onto the bed, sitting on the edge. He turned his back toward me, though I could feel the shame and guilt radiating off of him. "You're going to leave me, aren't you?"

"No," I said, not sure if I was telling the truth or not. He looked over his shoulder at me, though there wasn't any hope in his eyes. "No, I'm not going to leave you, Carlisle, but I think we need to take a step back, and I don't know, get out heads on straight before we move forward."

"Yeah, maybe," he mumbled, turning and bracing his elbows on his knees.

I crawled across the bed, wrapping my arms around him. "I love you, Carlisle, but you scared me last night. You were brutal and rough, and . . ." I trailed off. "I think you need to find someone to talk to, someone to help you through your issues with Esme. I'm still here, I still love you, but you need to get your head straight before we can move on with our lives."

Carlisle's shoulders shook as he cried. "I don't deserve you."

"Sure you do," I whispered. "We can still talk, and I'll be here if you need me. I just love you too much to watch you self-destruct like this, not because of her and not because Edward knows about us, either."

Nodding, Carlisle looked over his shoulder at me, tears glistening on his cheeks and I almost gave in, but then I remembered the way his hand felt wrapped around my neck, how scared I was as I clawed for him to release me, only to find his fingers tightening. "You're right. Just promise me that you won't give up on me. Please? You're everything to me, Bella. Everything!"

"I promise," I whispered, kissing his bare shoulder.

After a few minutes of sitting in awkward silence, I climbed off the bed and began pulling my clothes on, knowing that if I didn't leave then, I wouldn't leave at all, and Carlisle needed help that I couldn't give him, not right now anyway. Grabbing a shirt and a pair of sweats from his dresser, he followed my example and got dressed. Sliding his hand into mine, he led me out of his bedroom and into the living room.

However, I was surprised to see Jasper and Edward sitting on the couch. It was clear based on their body language that things were still tense between them, and guilt filled me once again. Jasper had helped me save Carlisle from his wife, and now it could end up costing him the man he'd fallen in love with. He didn't deserve to be mixed up in my life problems, but he was because I was in love with Carlisle and he loved Edward.

"Hey, Edward," Carlisle said, softly.

"Dad," he gritted out, his eyes shifting from him to me, and I promptly released my hold on Carlisle's hand. "I think we need to talk."

"Yeah, totally," Carlisle mumbled, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. "Um, I need coffee. Do . . . do you want some?"

Edward shook his head. "Already had some."

Carlisle nodded before looking over at me. "Yes, please," I whispered.

"Jasper?" Carlisle asked.

"No, thanks," he replied, standing up. "Maybe I should go."

"Don't," Edward exclaimed, reaching out and grabbing Jasper's wrist. "Please." Giving me a look, Jasper sat back down. Edward shifted his attention to me. "Are you just going to stand there?"

"I don't know. Am I welcome to stay?" I asked.

"Would it matter if I said no?" he countered.

"Yes," I said.

Edward's jaw tightened. "Just sit down."

I didn't say anything else as I took a seat on the smaller of the two couches. I should have left, gone back to the dorms, and locked myself away in the safety of my dorm room. But I couldn't leave Carlisle, not when I knew he was going to need me. I didn't trust him, not the way I had the day before, but he'd been through too much for me to just abandon him now.

Carlisle came back in with two cups of coffee. He handed me one before sitting on the couch next to me and turning his attention to Edward. "Are you okay?"

"Nope," his son replied. "Should I be?"

"I guess not," Carlisle replied, leaning back. "Look, I'm sorry about how this all came out. I never wanted you to find out about me and Bella like this."

"Just tell me why? Why her? She's Alice's best friends, for fuck sake, Dad!"

I flinched away from the accusation, not that he was wrong. I had been forbidden fruit, maybe that's why he wanted me so much, because I was the girl he shouldn't desire. He loved me, I didn't doubt that one bit, but was love enough? Could we overcome our age differences, the trauma in his past, the rage that he carried under the surface from the abuse he suffered at the hands of his wife? Could we ever really be happy together?

"I know exactly who she is," Carlisle argued, placing his hand over mine and I resisted the urge to pull away. "None of you see the woman I do. She's . . ." He shook his head. "I didn't want to fall in love with her. I fought it for a long time, Edward, but I'd be sitting at the dinner table, listening as Alice rambled on and on about her boyfriends, demanding that Bella go shopping with her, demanding that she bend her will and give in to what your sister wanted. And I sat there and let it happen, because we don't go against Alice. She might get mad, she might throw her little fits. I found myself watching Bella, really seeing her. She was so immune to Alice, so resigned to letting her have her way, and I guess I saw a bit of myself in her eyes because I'd gotten like that with your mother. She'd worn me down until I just didn't have the energy to fight her anymore."

Carlisle leaned forward and placed his cup on the coffee table. "I told myself it was wrong to want her, to need her, but one night, I was sitting in the kitchen, just listening to the quiet. Your mother had been all over me, bitching about how I wasn't doing anything right, how I was lazy and stupid, worthless. I just needed somewhere that I could just be me. And then Bella walked in, and I found myself talking to her, feeling the urge to touch her, to hold her. I resisted. I refused to give in, but then she was there another night and against another, and I was weak. I gave into my desire and took what I shouldn't want." He paused, turning his head toward me. "I fell in love with her, Edward. She wasn't Alice's best friend anymore; she was my lover, the one person who looked at me and didn't see a fuck up. And I know that's hard for you to understand, because you're hurt and angry, but I do love her."

Edward's eyes closed, blowing out a harsh breath. "I don't understand, though. Why didn't you leave Mom? You just started having an affair? It's not right, and it's not fair to Bella, Dad."

"No, it's not," he admitted. "And I've told myself a thousand times that I should end it, that I should get my shit together before I move forward, but I can't stay away from her. She gives me hope for a life where I don't worry about making the wrong choice and being punished."

Carlisle scooted to the edge of the couch. "I know how I sound. Like a loser. I let my wife beat me, let her treat me like shit. I should have been stronger, I should have fought back, defended myself, but I thought I loved her. There was a time when your mom was my best friend, when she'd be happy to see me, but something changed. I don't know if it was Alice's birth, or what, but she became mean and angry, yet I still found myself hoping that one day, somehow, I'd get my wife back."

"So why not leave her?" Edward asked, shifting his eyes from Carlisle to me. "And how could you start an affair with him? You just threw Alice away. Don't you see how much she needs you?"

"She needed me to tell her how awesome she was, Edward," I told him. "She needed me to be her friend when she was in between boyfriends, when there was nobody else there. Do you know how many times we would have plans but at the last minute, she'd call and cancel because whoever she was crushing on asked her on a date?"

He shook his head.

"Too many times," I whimpered, bringing my hand up to my chest. "I'm sorry that I hurt Alice. You have no idea how horrible I've felt for months because I wasn't there for her, but she was never there for me. Never. Not when my mom . . ." I trailed off. "I deserved better than to be her throw-away friend, Edward."

He groaned and fell back on the couch. "I don't know what to believe anymore. Everything is so fucked up."

"Are you going to tell Esme where he's at?" I asked, causing Edward to look over at me. "Are you? Because she will come after him, and if she finds him, she will kill him."

"No," he said. "Though, I don't know that I agree with what you two are doing, I know that my mom is not a nice person. And I don't particularly want her here. She's not exactly happy with me, either."

"Why?" Carlisle asked.

Edward shifted his eyes to his father. "Because I'm gay. Because I'm an embarrassment to her. Because I got kicked out of NYU."

"What?" Carlisle groused. "You got kicked out?"

Edward nodded. "There was an incident. It's not a big deal."

"What happened, Edward?"

Sighing, he leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees. "I met this guy right before term started, and we hooked up. It wasn't anything serious, just a one-night stand kind of thing. Anyway, once term started, I was asked by my advisor to TA his freshman bio class. I figured it was good money, and it would look good on my records for when I started applying to med school, but during my first class, I saw the guy I'd hooked up with. He was a freshman. After class, he cornered me and asked me out to dinner, but I told him that I couldn't see him, that it went against school policy for a TA to be involved with a student. He wouldn't leave me alone, though. He transferred out of the class, but I told him I wasn't interested, that I didn't have time for a relationship."

Jasper tensed, causing Edward to look over at him. "It was just an excuse. I didn't want to be his boyfriend."

"Okay," he replied, but I could see the doubt in his eyes.

Edward looked back over at Carlisle, but placed his hand on Jasper's knee. "Anyway, just before Thanksgiving, I was called to the President's office. He said that he'd had harassment complaint filed against me, saying that I'd pressured a student into having sex with me in exchange for an A. I was insulted, disgusted that they'd accuse me of such bullshit. But it turned out that the guy I'd had the one-night stance with was the son of the department head and he'd gave them this bullshit about me harassing him. I was told that I wasn't welcome there, any longer, but if I left quietly, they'd keep it off my record. So, I packed my shit and went back to Forks. I was able to get late enrollment here, and transferred my scholarship. Of course, I never expected to find this," he said, waving his hand between me and Carlisle.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Carlisle asked, and Edward simply stared at him. "I would have understood."

"Yeah?" Edward scoffed. "You weren't exactly there, Dad. And after you came home after Thanksgiving, you didn't make yourself available."

"I would have been there for you," he said. "I'm always there for you, Edward."

"I want to believe you, Dad, but the fact remains that you weren't. You left in the middle of the night. Mom was angry, Alice was crushed, and Emmett was . . . well, Emmett. What do you think they're going to do when they find out about you and Bella?"

"I don't know," Carlisle admitted, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm prepared to lose them, or you, for Bella. I gave up a lot of my life trying to protect you, to keep your mother from lashing out at you three. Clearly, I've failed, and I can accept that, but I won't give Bella up without a fight. Not . . . not unless she doesn't want me anymore."

At his words, Edward looked over at me. "And are you willing to lose your father, Bella? Chief Swan won't be happy that his little girl is fucking his best friend, either."

I kept my eyes locked on Edward's as I said, "My father doesn't get to dictate my life, Edward. And neither do you." I reached out and grabbed Carlisle's hand. "I love your father. I know that it's not going to be easy for you to understand, that society isn't going to see me as anything other than a gold-digging little whore, but I am in love with him."

Releasing Carlisle's hand, I stood up. "You have a choice to make, Edward. You can choose to be angry, choose to hate me, hate Carlisle for the decision to love each other, or you can choose to accept that I make him happy, that he loves me. Either way, the choice is yours and yours alone."

I turned to Carlisle. "I'll call you."

He nodded, but didn't say anything as I walked out of his and Jasper's apartment. The minute the door was closed, I found myself falling against the wall, struggling to catch my breath, and keep my tears from falling. Everything was spinning out of control, and I had no idea how to make it stop.

**Thank you for all the reviews. And yeah, things are a big clusterfuck at the moment. Now, I want to address something that bothers me. There have been people sending me PM's because they don't like that Edward is gay, that Carlisle and Bella are sleeping together. And I get it, I do. But I have been saying from day one that this will not be an E/B fic. So, if you can't accept that, or if you have a problem with Edward being gay, then I suggest you pick a different fic of mine to read, because that is not going to change. **


	27. Chapter 27

"Based on our knowledge of ionic equations, we know that CaCl2(aq) + 2 AgNO3(ag) is the —" The sound of my cell phone vibrating caused Dr. Gerandy to pause and shift his attention over to me, an annoyed expression filling his face.

"Sorry," I mumbled and grabbed my bag off the back of my chair and quickly dug out my phone, silencing it immediately. Of course, not before I saw Carlisle's name on the screen. He'd been calling non-stop, texting me when I didn't answer. Dropping my phone back into my bag, I kept my attention on my notebook as Dr. Gerandy continued with his lecture, knowing that once again I'd fucked up in his class. He'd made his expectations of me clear, and I wasn't living up to them.

As soon as Dr. Gerandy dismissed class, I gathered my stuff and rushed out before he could scold me again for being an irresponsible child. Edward was sitting on the front steps of the building when I walked out. He stood up and looked over at me, a dozen expressions filling his eyes: hate, anger, disgust to name a few. It was clear that he hadn't been happy with my relationship with his father, yet I kept finding myself facing him. Here, in the elevator, in the lobby, the library, the dining hall. Every time we just stood there and stared at each other until one of us got fed up and left without a word. And seeing as how he turned and rushed away, this time wouldn't be any different.

My cell phone started buzzing again, and I didn't have to look at it to know that it was Carlisle. I ignored it as I began my trip across campus to the dorm. Two weeks had passed since Edward found out about our relationship, two weeks since Carlisle had violently fucked me and choked me until I passed out, and he'd been calling non-stop. I'd talked to him a few times, but he was suffocating me. I needed time to deal with everything, time to move past how scared I was of how he'd reacted, and all I could think about was what he'd do to me next time he lost control of his emotions. It was clear that he needed help, and I couldn't be the one to save him, not entirely anyway.

My phone rang once again as I walked into my dorm room. Rose smiled until she saw the phone in my hand. When I'd shown up with bruising on my neck from where Carlisle had wrapped his hand around my throat and attempted to choke the life out of me, she'd flipped her shit, ranting and raving about what a bastard he was and how I had to leave him. I tried to explain that I was handling it, that it was okay, but she wouldn't listen. And since then, our friendship had been tense.

"Is _he_ calling again?" she asked, not doing anything to hide her displeasure.

"Yep," I said, tossing my phone onto my bed and placing my backpack on my desk. I started pulling my books out, but stopped when I heard Rose walk across the room. When I looked over my shoulder, I found her standing next to my bed with my phone on her hand. "What the fuck are you doing?"

However, she ignored me and slide her fingers across the screen. I reached for my phone, but she put her hand up as the first of several new voicemails played.

"Hey, it's me, but you probably know that," came Carlisle's muffled voice followed by a forced laugh. "I, um, I miss you. I need to talk to you. Please call me. I need you. I'm going insane. Please?"

The message ended, and a new one started to play.

"I was lying in bed last night thinking about the first time I touched you. Like really touched you. You'd come into the kitchen wearing that nightgown. God, you were so fucking beautiful. I wanted to fuck you so bad. A dozen images of you bent over the table while I fucked you, you on your knees while sucking my cock, me making you come over and over. I couldn't stop myself from jacking off to the memories. Do you think of me like that, baby? Hmm, do you touch yourself while thinking about me?"

And again, that message ended and a new one started. I attempted to grab the phone from her, but she held it out with one hand, while placing her other hand in the middle of my chest.

"Baby, this is killing me," Carlisle's voice came echoing out of my phone once again. "I can't live without you. Please, don't stay away any longer. You're mine, Bella, only mine. Do you fucking hear me? You're fucking mine!"

I grabbed the phone from her, ending the message. "What the fuck, Rose?"

"How many other messages like that has he left you?" she asked, completely ignoring the fact that she invaded my privacy.

Before I could reply, my phone vibrated. However, this time when I looked down, I saw a call from Charlie, who had been almost as persistent as Carlisle over the last few days. It was odd how I hadn't heard from him in almost five weeks, not since he'd tried to force me to return to Forks with him, yet all of the sudden he was calling non-stop, trying to get me to talk to him. Like I had been with Carlisle, I ignored the call, knowing that I wasn't in the right mindset to speak to my father, either.

"Don't fucking touch my phone," I snarled, shoving it into my back pocket.

"Bella, I'm worry about you," she said, reaching for my hand, but I pushed it away. "Bella!"

"I'm fine," I argued.

"You are not fine," she snapped. "He almost killed you!"

"No, he didn't," I lied. I lied because he had, even if he hadn't intended to.

Rose stared at me. "You're fucking delusional, aren't you? You really don't see what he's doing to you."

"He's not doing anything to me." And I knew every word out of my mouth was a lie, because even though I hadn't let him touch me in two weeks, he still had a hold on my heart, a hold that would never go away.

"Look, I know you love him, but he's not good for you," she said, her tone pleading with me to listen.

"He just needs time," I told her.

"He's fucking using you, Bella! Why can't you see that?"

I pressed my lips together. "It's none of your business."

"It is when you come in here with bruises on your neck," she spat.

"What do you fucking care? Are you so jealous that I've got someone I love that you'd go out of your way to sabotage my happiness?" The look of hurt on her face had me reeling inside, yet I just stood there and lashed out at her, letting her take the brunt of my abuse. I wasn't any better than Carlisle.

Rose's eyes closed and I felt horrible, but before I could say anything, she shook her head. "You think you're happy? With a man old enough to be your father? With a man who lost control and wrapped his hand around your throat and cut off your air supply while fucking you? That's what makes you happy, Bella? Do you not see how fucked up that sounds?"

I turned toward my desk, but Rose reached out and grabbed my arm. Out of instinct, I swung my arm around. The sound of my hand coming into contact with her face echoed throughout our room. Rose stumbled backward, her hand coming up to cover the red mark on her face.

"Don't worry about me, Rose," I mumbled. "I can take care of myself, and I certainly don't need you."

"Yeah, because you've done such a bang up job so far," she retorted.

Grabbing my backpack and keys, I threw open the door to our room and rushed out, leaving her standing there with tears in her eyes and an imprint of my hand on her face. Bypassing the elevator, I took to the stairs. I needed to get out of there sooner rather than later. My entire body was shaking, and it scared me. My life was spinning out of control, and I wasn't sure what to do. I was a bitch, a horrible bitch for hurting her, for lashing out at her when she'd proven over and over that she was my friend.

Throwing open the front doors to the dorms, I cursed inwardly when I saw Carlisle sitting on the cement bench just outside of the building. I should have expected it. I'd been avoiding his calls all morning. Of course he'd come over here. It was what Carlisle did, how he handled everything. Suffocate them relentlessly.

"Hey," I said, stopping a couple feet from him.

"Hey," he murmured, standing up. "I've been calling, and I got worried when you didn't pick up. Thought maybe Esme had gotten to you."

"Sorry, I had class this morning," I told him.

"That's right. I forgot," he said. "Are you okay? You sound . . . different."

"I'm fine," I lied. "Just tired."

"You want to come over? I don't work until tonight, and —" However, my sigh stopped him. "Bella."

"Have you found a therapist?" I asked. His silence was all I needed. "I told you that until you get help that we can't be together, not like that."

"I know," he groused. "I just . . . I need you. Please, just come with me so we can talk. WE can grab dinner, or I don't know, something."

I shook my head, my eyes filling with tears. "I can't."

Carlisle sighed.

"I love you, Carlisle, I do, but you need more than I can give you right now. Until you see that, until you take control of your life, I can't be with you. I'm sorry."

"So that's it? I either find a shrink or you'll stop loving me?"

"I'll never stop loving you," I whimpered, but before I could say anything more, the doors to the dorm opened and we looked over. And once again, I was unsurprised to see Edward standing there, his eyes shifting from me to Carlisle. I wrapped my arms around my torso and mumbled, "Sorry."

And with that said, I walked away from both of them.

—INN—

Retreating to the library seemed like the best idea for me. Like when I first arrived at Yale, I'd found myself hiding out there, trying to focus my energy on my studies, but my mind was with Carlisle. He looked so lost, so scared. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and make everything better, but I couldn't. He needed more than I could give him, but while my brain was telling me just that, my heart was screaming at me to stop being an idiot and let him love him.

Jasper was sitting at our usual table when I got to the library. After Rose found the bruises on my neck, she called Jasper, who rushed over to our room. He flipped his shit, threatened to beat the crap out of Carlisle. I managed to convince him not to, that I was handling it, but I knew that Carlisle had lost any bonus points he'd earned since leaving Forks with us. He threatened to kick Carlisle out, but I knew, just as he and Rose did, that all that would do was cause him to go back to Forks, back to Esme, and we couldn't let that happen. Regardless of how they felt about our relationship, they knew Esme would kill him.

Pulling out the chair across from him, I sat down, causing him to look up at me. His eyes were dark and heavy, and it was clear that he wasn't getting much sleep.

"Hey," I murmured. "You okay?"

"No," he clipped, turning his attention back to his notes.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Jasper snorted as he looked up at me. "What's wrong? You're what's wrong, Bella."

I gasped, shocked by the hatred in his voice. Tears flooded my eyes as I pushed my chair backward and stood up. "Oh."

I started to walk away, but I had barely managed a few steps when I felt Jasper come up behind me, his arms wrapping around my body and his chin coming to rest on my shoulder. "I'm sorry. That wasn't fair."

"What did I do?" I whimpered.

"It's not you," he whispered. "Carlisle's been a mess, and he's been keeping me up on the nights when he doesn't work. And then there's Edward, who keeps giving me mixed signals. I'm just tired and taking it out on you."

"I don't know what to do anymore," I wept. "I miss him so much, but at the same time, I'm so scared to be around him. Scared that he's going to do something to hurt me, to hurt himself."

"I know," he murmured. "And you're right. I'm just being an asshole."

I shook my head and turned toward him. "I know this is all my fault."

"Darlin', none of this is _your_ fault," he said, bringing his hands up to my face and brushing my tears away. "Look, let's just study, okay? We can worry about everything else later."

I nodded because I knew he needed the distraction as much as I did.

Four hours later, Jasper and I walked out of the library. While he'd offered me a ride back to the dorms, I politely declined, needing the cold air to help clear my mind. When I walked into the dorms, I found Edward stretched out on the couch again. He shifted his eyes over to me, following me as I walked across the lobby to the elevator. I pressed the button to go up, but the elevator seemed to be taking forever. Just as the doors opened, Edward stepped up next to me. Without a word, we stepped inside.

"How's it going?" he asked.

I shifted my eyes to him. "Not great," I admitted. "You?"

"Been better," he said. "So he's pretty messed up right now. You know, with you not being around."

I nodded, because I did know.

"Are — are you staying away from him because of me?" he asked so softly that I barely heard him.

The elevator jerked to a stop and the doors slid open. I put my hand out to hold them open as I looked over at him. "No. He needs more than I can give him right now, Edward. He's . . ." I shook my head. "I love him too much to watch him self-destruct because life is overwhelming him."

"He was different with you," Edward murmured, his eyes meeting mine. "I didn't really think about it until after the party, but he was happier after you two started . . . seeing each other. I don't . . . I don't want him to be miserable, Bella."

"I don't, either," I whimpered, bringing my hand up to my mouth. "I'll make it better with Carlisle when you stop jerking Jasper around. You may not like that he was involved with your father leaving your mom, but he's a good guy. No, he's an amazing guy. He deserves better than to have you playing with his emotions."

Taking a step backward, I stood there and kept my eyes locked on Edward's at the doors closed. I blew out a deep breath as I turned and walked down the hallway to mine and Rose's room. Unlocking the door, I pushed it open and barely managed to stifle my gasp.

Rose's side of the room was empty.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Please leave me a few words and let me know what you thought about this chapter. **


	28. Chapter 28

"I'm gonna be so fucking late," Jasper muttered as he rushed around his room and tossed his clothes onto his bed.

"Why did you wait until the last minute to pack?" I asked, laughing when he gave me the finger. Pausing, he gave me a sheepish expression, but didn't say anything else. Not that he needed to. I could read him like a book. "So, I'm guessing things with Edward are good?"

He nodded and tossed several pairs of underwear and socks on his bed. "Really good. I mean, we're taking things slow, because well, he's got some trust issues, and so do I, I guess. But we talk a lot, and . . ." Jasper paused and looked over at me. "I think I'm falling in love with him, Bella."

My eyes popped open. "Really?"

"Yeah. He's just . . . And I feel . . ." Huffing, Jasper sat on the edge of his bed. "I get it now."

"Get what?" I asked, confused about what he was talking about.

Jasper leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees and shifted his eyes to me. "The way you feel about Carlisle."

I tensed.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to bring him up," he muttered. "I just mean that instant connection, the way he makes you feel . . . normal. I get that with Edward."

"It's okay," I whispered, scooting back on his bed and pulling my knees up in front of him. Another four weeks had passed and I was still reeling over the way Carlisle had treated me. We talked almost every day, but I still had trouble being around him, especially alone. We hadn't made love since that night. I longed to feel his hands on me, to feel his lips tasting my skin, but I was so scared that he'd lose control again.

"No, it's not." Jasper shifted on the bed and reached out, placing his hand on my knee. "Maybe you should consider going to Texas with us."

I rolled my eyes. There was no way I could go to Texas with Jasper. First of all, Edward was going, and while he and I had come to an unspoken agreement that even though he didn't want me with his father, his father needed me, and I wanted him to be with Jasper because he made my friend happy, but there was no way we could spend Spring Break together without saying things neither of us could take back, which led to my other reason for not going with them.

Rose was going to Texas with them, and she and I hadn't spoken since she moved out. She'd moved in with James and Laurent, and even though I had called her hundreds of times, she refused to speak to me. Not that I blame her, I knew that was my fault. Rose had put herself out there time after time, always offering me support, yet I continued to throw her away. I wasn't any better than Alice, or Esme for that matter.

"I can't," I murmured.

"You can, but you're choosing not to," he argued, and climbed off the bed. He began shoving his clothes into his bag. Once he had it zipped up, he crawled back over to me, placing his hands on either side of my face. "I know you and Carlisle are planning on going away for a couple days, but promise me that you'll be careful."

I sighed.

"I know you think I'm overprotective of you, Bella, and maybe I am, but I worry about you."

"I will. I promise." Trying to put on my best smile, I placed my hand over his. "You'd better hurry, or you're gonna be late."

Jasper leaned forward and placed a kiss on my forehead, before nodding and climbing off the bed. Grabbing his bag, he hoisted it over his shoulder and looked back over at me. "Call me if you need me, okay?"

With another promise, I followed him to the front door and watched as he walked down the hall and out of the building. Closing the door, I headed back into the apartment. Carlisle had gotten called in to work the night before, delaying our plans to leave for a couple of days. While I wanted to spend some time with him, I was glad to have a bit of time to myself, a chance to steel my nerves.

Carlisle had asked me last week to go away with him for a couple days, saying that we both needed the break. Between working nearly non-stop and finally finding a therapist, he'd been so busy. I was thankful that he'd agreed to seek help, even if I knew it had been hard for him to confide his secrets. Dr. Volturi had been so patient with him, so understanding. I knew that Carlisle wasn't going to be able to rid himself of twenty years of abuse in a few short weeks, but at least he was trying, and for that alone, I was happy. Maybe, we'd really be able to have a happy life together.

The sound of the phone ringing broke through my thoughts and I dug it out of my pocket, smiling when I saw his name on the ID. Sliding my finger over the green arrow, I answered the call and placed the call on speakerphone.

"Hey."

"Hey," he murmured, sounding tired.

"You okay?" I asked. "You don't sound too good."

"Yeah, just been a long night that's going to be an even longer day. Looks like I won't be getting out of here for at least another few hours."

I frowned. "Oh."

"I'm disappointed, too. This flu bug that's going around is nasty. Half the nurses are out, two doctors were sent home because they're running fevers. Lowest man on the totem pole has to stay, and well, that's me," he explained.

"Well, what time do you think you'll be off?" I asked, leaning back on the couch and pulling my knees up to my chest.

"Um, six, maybe seven," he guessed. "I really don't know. The ER is swamped with sick people."

"Can I bring you anything? Change of clothes? Something to eat?" I offered.

"A time machine would be great," he teased. "I'm ready to see you."

I smiled. "Me, too." Pausing for a moment, I added. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too," he whispered. "Are you going to stay at the apartment or head back to the dorm?"

"I'm going to go back to the dorm and grab my phone charger. I forgot it, but then I'll probably come back here. Lauren's staying over spring break and she keeps giving me that look."

Carlisle laughed. He'd found her proposition very amusing.

"It's not funny," I grumbled.

"Oh, yeah it is," he scoffed. "You're just too damn sexy, baby. Everyone wants you."

"Everyone?" I asked, coyly. "Do you want me, lover?"

"Hmm," he hummed. "Very much."

"Then you'd better hurry and get here. Or I might be tempted to . . . work my tension out myself. Oh, maybe I'll grab a little something else from my room."

"Oh, fuck, please tell me you're talking about the vibrator I sent you," he moaned, his voice dropping several octaves and I knew he was trying to keep from being heard.

"Would you like that?"

"You have no idea how much I would like that, baby," he mumbled. "Shit, I've gotta run. We have an ambulance coming in. Baby, please get it!"

"I'll think about it," I laughed. "I love you. Be careful."

"I will be, and I love you, too," he murmured before hanging up.

When I got to the dorm, I found Lauren laying on the sofa in the lobby of our floor. She looked over at me, her eyes raked over my body, and it took everything I had not to gag or scream at her to stop. She was harmless, at least I thought she was, but it was creepy how she continued to look at me. I hadn't given her any indication that I was interested in her romantically, or sexually.

"Hey, Bella," she purred, turning and laying over the back of the couch. "I thought you were leaving town with your _boyfriend_?"

I nearly rolled my eyes at the emphasis she put on boyfriend. "I am. Just had to pick up a couple things I forgot."

"Oh. I thought maybe you decided to take me up on my offer."

Bile rose in my throat. "Nope," I chirped and headed toward my room, but before I could make it to the hallway, Lauren was in front of me, blocking my way. I really didn't want to knock her on her ass, but I would if I had to. "Lauren," I said with a sigh.

"Come on, Bella," she cooed, and reached out and placed her hand on my hip. I tried to step away from her, but Lauren slipped her other around me before I could move. Then, in a move that shocked me, she crushed her lips against mine, thrusting her tongue into my mouth. I managed to get my hands up between us and pushed her away.

"Get the fuck off of me!" I screamed and then tried to wipe the taste of her tongue off mine.

"Oh, come on, honey, you know you liked it," she laughed, and reached for me again.

"Ew," I grimaced. "No, I didn't. I've told you before that I'm not interested. That hasn't changed. Come near me again, and I'll fucking beat your ass," I snarled, and pushed my way by her and ran down to my dorm room. Quicker than I thought possible, I unlocked the door, stepped inside, and closed it behind me. Leaning against the thick wood, I blew out a shaky breath. Clearly, Lauren was bat-shit crazy.

I grabbed my phone charger and the vibrator, shoving them into my purse before cracking the door open. Lauren was still standing at the end of the hallway and when I opened the door, she looked over at me, smiling. With a groan, I tightened my hold on my keys and purse and stepped into the hallway, closing the door behind me. She shifted her body toward me as I rushed down the hallway. Just as I got to her, she stuck out her arm, placing her hand again the wall.

"I understand that you need more time to . . . get used to the idea of being with a woman, Bella," she said, pressing her body against mine, and once again, I felt the urge to knock her teeth in or throw up on her. "The first taste is always the hardest, but once you've had pussy, you won't want dick anymore."

I scoffed. "First, even if I wanted pussy, yours is not the pussy I'd want. And second, the dick I get is fucking amazing. Leave me the fuck alone, bitch."

Then, pushing her arm away from me, I walked over to the stairs, knowing the elevator would take too long and the last thing I wanted was to stand there with her looking at me with lustful eyes. It was nauseating enough to know that she'd kissed me, that she'd shoved her tongue into my mouth.

When I walked out of the dorm, I pulled my phone out of my purse and sent Carlisle a quick text, telling him what happened. While I worried about how he'd react, I knew I had to tell him. Our relationship was already on the brink of destruction because of half-truths and lies; I refused to add to our problems by keeping the fact that a vile, disgusting girl had put the moves on me.

Less than a minute after I sent the text, my phone started ringing. With a sigh, I answered Carlisle's call. "Hello."

"Please tell me that you're kidding," he muttered.

"Wish I was," I grumbled.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he swore. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just grossed out," I groused. "How many times can I say no before she gets a clue?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "Where are you now?"

"Outside of the dorm. I need to stop and fill up with gas, and then I am going back to the apartment."

"Good," he said, and I could hear the relief in his voice. "I'll try to get out of here earlier, but promise that once you get back to the apartment, you won't leave again. Please?"

Though I felt he was overacting, I heard myself saying, "Okay."

"Thank you," he whispered. "I gotta go, but text me when you get there."

I promised him that I would before ending the call and walking over to my car, sliding in behind the wheel. I stopped at a gas station halfway between my dorm and the apartment. When I walked inside, I was surprised to see Garrett sitting behind the counter with magazine spread out in front of him. As the door chimed, he looked up and smiled at me.

"Hey, Bella."

"Hey," I murmured. "I didn't know you worked here."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Part time. My dad owns this place, and I fill in when he needs me to."

"Oh," I replied, walking over to the counter. "That's nice of you."

"I don't really have a choice," he said, and when I lifted an eyebrow, he explained. "My mom is sick. Cancer. Pretty bad, and my dad has to spend a lot of time taking care of her. So he's had to cut back on his hours here, and being an Ivy League College town, there aren't a lot of students looking for jobs, you know?"

I nodded.

"So, I pitch in when he needs me to."

"I'm sorry about your mom."

He frowned. "Thanks."

An awkward silence wrapped around us, and I wasn't sure what to say.

"So, you going away from Spring Break?" he asked.

"For a couple of days," I said. "With Carlisle."

His jaw got tight as he nodded. "Oh."

"You don't like him, do you?"

"I don't know him," Garrett said as the door to the store opened and a little girl who couldn't have been much older than ten came in. I moved out of the way as she approached the counter. "How much, Hailey?"

"Ten on pump two," the little girl said, sliding over the plastic bag full of quarters.

He took the money and set the pump for her before printing out a receipt. He slid it over and smiled. "There you go. Tell your mom I said hello."

"I will. Bye, Garrett!" Hailey laughed as she rushed outside.

"Sweet kid," I said, looking back at him.

"She is." He emptied the bag of quarters into the register without counting them. "Her mom got laid off a few months ago and has been struggling to find a job that works with her schedule. Her son, Hailey's younger brother, was injured in a car accident last year that killed their father. He's paralyzed, but they're hoping that he'll regain some of the feeling in his legs. She comes in every week with a bag full of quarters for gas. Usually it's short about seventy-five cents, so I make up the difference."

"That's nice of you," I said.

He smiled. "You keep saying that, but I'm not nearly that nice."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did," he replied, cheekily.

I rolled my eyes.

"Sorry, it's the smart-ass in me. I can't help it," he snickered.

"Did you know that Jacob and Riley were having an affair before Thanksgiving?"

Garrett tensed.

"You did, didn't you?" I asked.

"I suspected, but I didn't have any proof," he said with a shake of his head. "Riley . . . He's just . . ." Garrett paused and looked up at me. "Riley isn't a one-man kind of guy. All he thinks about is himself, what makes him feel good. Or who, in this case, and Jacob isn't any better."

"Why didn't you tell Jasper?" I asked, aware of how sharp my tone was.

"Because he wouldn't have listened," he admitted. "Jasper is . . . Well, he's naïve. He falls in love quickly, and he loves with every bit of him. And without proof, and I mean real proof, he would have accused me of being jealous, or trying to get Jacob for myself."

"Why were you with Riley, then? You didn't love him."

"No, I didn't love him," he agreed. "To be honest, the sex was amazing, and he was always willing."

I grimaced, which seemed to make him laugh.

"Oh, come on! The idea of us being together isn't that gross, is it?" he asked.

"Just because of him," I told him. "I don't Riley. I don't like that he and Jacob hurt Jasper, or you."

"I don't like that Carlisle treats you like shit, but you're still with him."

I clenched my jaw tight. "You don't know anything about me and Carlisle."

"I know that I watched him degrade you over Thanksgiving," he said. "And I know that he's too old for you, that he's Edward's father, that he's married. You judge Riley and Jacob for cheating together, when you're carrying on an affair with a man who is married, Bella. Doesn't that make you a hypocrite?"

Tears welled up in my eyes. "Yeah, guess it does," I whimpered and dug a fifty out of my purse. "Put it on pump four."

"I'm sorry if I'm being an ass," he said, taking the money.

"You're not wrong, though." I walked over to the door and pushed it open. Pausing, I looked over at him. "Go ahead and think what you want of me, Garrett. You won't be the first person to think I'm a whore, and I doubt you'll be the last."

"Bella," he called, but I rushed out to my car, letting the door close behind me.

Once I'd pumped my gas, I drove straight to Carlisle's apartment, needing the comfort his place always offered. I'd been hit on and judged all in a matter for half an hour. Today was just turning out to be a splendid day, just awesome. As promised, when I got to the apartment, I texted Carlisle, who replied back that he would be home as soon as he could. Making sure we had everything ready, I settled on the couch with a book and waited for him to get back.

Nearly four hours passed before I heard the sound of the doorknob turning. Smiling, I stood up and headed to the door, but when it opened, I found myself facing Charlie and Esme. They looked up at me, but neither of them seemed surprised to find me there. Quite the opposite, actually. There was a smugness that didn't leave a good feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Dad?" I murmured, looking from him to her.

"I'm sorry," Charlie whispered, but before I could ask him what he was sorry for, he leapt at me, wrapped his hands around my throat, and slammed me against the wall with a deafening thud. I clawed at his hands as he tightened them. As my eyes fluttered to a close and the darkness wrap around me, I heard Esme laughing.

***whistles* Thanks for all the reviews . . .**


	29. Chapter 29

"Wake up, you dirty little whore!"

The feel of someone's hand striking my cheek snapped me out of the darkness, and I pried my eyes opened. Esme Cullen was standing in front of me, one hand placed on her hip while the other was raised above me once again. I tried to scream for help, but there was a rag stuffed into my mouth. Behind her, I saw Charlie leaning against a long, metal table. Like he had been at Christmas, he was wearing a pair of designer jeans and a white, button-up shirt. The sleeves had been rolled up to his elbows, and he had his arms folded in front of him. However, it was the look on his face that startled me the most. He looked withdrawn for everything, like he wasn't standing there watching his lover strike his daughter.

Shifting my eyes away from him, I looked around the large warehouse, feeling tears build up when I saw Carlisle tied to a chair a few feet from me. His head was leaning forward, and the front of his scrub top had several spots of blood splattered over it. I fought against the ropes in a futile effort to free myself, but when Esme start laughing, I knew it was pointless.

"Don't worry about him. He's not dead," Esme said. "Yet, at least."

A tear slipped down my face, causing her to laugh. "Look at her, baby," she cackled, shifting her body toward Charlie. "She's crying."

He simply nodded.

Esme turned back to me and brought her hand up to my face. She dragged her fingers along my cheek, down my jaw line until she'd reached my chin. Grabbing me, she thrust my head back with so much force, I screamed as her nails dug into my skin.

"Did I hurt you?" she asked, a creepy smile tugging on the corners of her lips. This person in front of me, this crazy, bat-shit woman wasn't the Esme Cullen I'd grown up knowing, and that scared me. "I should have known you were the little slut he was fucking," she muttered, her eyes wild. "A little whore like you, I bet you gave him your pussy without question, didn't you?"

I couldn't reply, not that I would if the rag wasn't stuffed in my mouth and tied behind my head. She was crazy.

Before she could say or do anything else, Carlisle began to stir. My eyes widened as he groaned and tilted his head up, shifting his gaze around the room until his met mine. In that moment, that split second, I knew we were thinking the same thing: we'd be lucky to make it out of here alive, and all because we'd fallen in love.

"Oh, look who's awake," Esme cheered, clapping her hands together. "Now, we can really have some fun."

Esme turned and walked over to Charlie, laying her hand on his chest. His arms wrapped around her and he nestled her firmly against him. Leaning up on her toes, Esme thread her fingers through my father's hair and yanked his head down to her lips. Bile crept into my mouth as I watched them kissing, touching, groping each other.

Suddenly, Charlie grabbed Esme by the top of her arms and pushed her away. "Enough," he spat.

Esme pressed her lips together as she turned back to me and then looked at Carlisle. She walked over to him, straddling his lap and digging her fingers into his skin as she wiggled the rag out of his mouth. "You shouldn't have left me," she murmured. "I told you that you'd regret it, that I'd make you pay." Esme inhaled a sharp breath as she leaned forward and licked him, from his chin over to his ear. "Was she a good fuck, Carlisle? Hmm? Did she at least make you work for it, or did she just spread her little legs and offer you a taste?"

"Leave her out of this," Carlisle argued, trying to shake her off his lap. "She has nothing to do with this."

"Nothing to do with this?" Esme shrieked, grabbing his hair and pulling his head back. "She has everything to do with this!"

Tears sprinkled down my face when I saw the grimace of pain flash across Carlisle's face, and the thought of her hurting him — again — had me weeping. He's suffered enough at her hands, been her victim too many times.

"You . . ." Esme shook her head and released a sharp breath. "You should have known better than to betray me, Carlisle. You knew the rules, yet you broke them. And now? Now, I'm going to break you," she said before standing up.

She replaced the gag in his mouth, and though he was fighting her, struggling against the ropes that bound him to his chair, he was just as helpless as I was. Esme walked back over to Charlie, once again placing her hand on his chest. Reaching around him, she picked up something, but I couldn't tell what it was.

"Get her ready," Esme murmured.

Charlie nodded before looking back at me. Slowly, he walked over, knelt behind me, and began to undo the binds on my wrists. Once he had me free, Charlie grabbed my arms, effectively stopping me from being able to fight him off, and dragged me across the room to where a large, iron hook hung from the rafters. My eyes flew open as he threw my bound hands over the hook, leaving me handing so that my feet barely touched the ground. Carlisle's eyes were the size of hubcaps as he sat and watched my father manhandle me, watched as his crazy wife used a long, silver knife and sliced through the front of my T-shirt, leaving me hanging there and exposed to everyone. Once again, I hadn't put on a bra.

Esme smirked as she let the long, leather whip in her hand loosen and pool along the floor. She sauntered over to Charlie, pressing the handle in the middle of his chest. "Make it hurt."

Again, without replying, he nodded and took the whip from her. Esme moved over so that she was standing behind Carlisle, wrapping one arm around his torso and gripping his face with her other hand. "Watch," she hissed.

Mine and Carlisle's eyes locked as my father reared his arm back, swung it forward, and struck me with the whip.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" I screamed, thrashing against the impact.

My father didn't even flinch as he reared back and struck me again and again and again, over and over and over. The whip dug into my skin and each strike hurt more. Tears poured down my face and my screams echoed throughout the building, yet Charlie didn't stop his attack on me, not until Esme laughed and said, "Enough."

Taking a step backward, Charlie tossed the whip onto the table, but didn't attempt to unhook me. Esme walked over to the table, and brought her hand up to her lips, almost like she was trying to decide what to use on me next. Which clearly she was, because a moment later, she picked up a pair of scissors.

I expected her to give them to Charlie, but Esme surprised me and walked behind me, grabbed my hair and pulled my head back. The strain on my arms was excruciating, yet my cries for mercy appeared to go unheard as she began to chop my hair off.

"He likes long hair," she said, throwing the hair she'd just cut off in my face. She was cutting so close to my scalp that I could feel the scissors against my skin. "He likes to grab it while he's fucking his whores. Has he does that to you?"

I refused to acknowledge her in any way.

"You're not the first, you know," she taunted me. "He always finds a lover. Some young, stupid girl who thinks he's going to make all of her dreams come true."

From his chair, Carlisle was shaking his head in protest, and I knew Esme was lying. The man I'd fallen in love with, the man who'd finally gotten the courage to leave the crazy bitch he's married.

"He left you, didn't he?" I stammered, regretting it immediately because Esme covered my face with her hand and brought the scissors to my throat.

"Don't get smart, whore," she spat. Releasing me, she walked around so that she was standing in front of me. "You've been a hindrance to me for far too long."

"I never did anything to you," I snarled, trying to lift my leg to kick her, but the weight on my arms hurt too much.

"You ruined my life," she hissed, pressing the blades against my skin even more. "You, your mother . . ." She shook her head and took a step back. "Always in the way, always keeping me from Charlie. He's mine! All mine!"

Charlie reached over and grabbed Esme's arms, pulling her body against his. She seemed to melt into his embrace, and once again I found myself tasting bile as he wrapped his hand around her chin, tilted her face up and back so that he could kiss her. "I've always been yours, baby. Just yours."

Esme smiled. "That's right. Just mine."

My lips trembled. "You killed her, didn't you?" And when Esme and Charlie looked over at me, I said, "You killed my mother."

"We had to," she replied. "She was in the way."

"She was my mother," I cried. "She wasn't in your way."

"She was always in my way," Esme snarled. "Oh, she wasn't innocent, _Bella_. She was a bitch. A conniving, manipulative bitch!"

I shook my head, refusing to believe her.

"Don't shake your fucking head at me, bitch!" she screamed, lunging at me and punching me in the face. "You didn't know her, you didn't know what she did to me."

"What? What did she do?" I begged, weeping.

"She had you," she sneered, and I gasped from the venom lacing her words. "He was going to leave her. We were going to be together, but then she got pregnant with you, and he couldn't leave her. You ruined everything."

"You're fucking insane," I muttered.

Esme's eyes turned hard. "I am not insane. Charlie and I were supposed to be together. We were supposed to be a family. Just me, him, and our sweet little Alice."

"Alice?" I asked, shifting my eyes over to Carlisle, who looked just as surprised as I did by that little revelation. "Alice is my sister?"

"Half-sister. The good half," she clarified.

I saw Carlisle's shoulders droop and I knew how that hearing that Alice wasn't his hurt him. I looked over at Esme and Charlie. "You're lying."

"Oh, no, I am not," she laughed and pointed a finger at Carlisle. "That piece of shit could never be responsible for my sweet Alice. Look at his sons: the faggot and the loser."

"You think Alice is sweet?" I scoffed, and when Esme glared at me, I regretted my statement.

"Alice is amazing. She's a good daughter. She doesn't go around fucking garage," Esme spat.

I almost laughed because Alice had slept with so many guys, she'd lost track by the start of our senior year. Mother like daughter, I guess.

Esme sighed and turned back to Charlie. "I'm bored."

He smiled — fucking smiled! "Well, you promised to let me play with them."

"Ugh," she whined. "Fine, but make it quick. We don't have all day."

Charlie leered at Carlisle before he turned to the table and picked up a crowbar. I watched in fear and disgust as he walked over to Carlisle.

Grabbing Carlisle by the hair, he yanked his head back. "You think you can touch her? Fuck her? Love her? You don't get her. Do you hear me? She's not yours."

And rearing his arm back, he swung forward, hitting him in the arm. Carlisle writhed against his binds, against the repeated strikes coming from the man I once called dad. His arms, legs, chest — Charlie hit him over and over. He ignored my screams for him to stop, my pleads for him to stop. He wasn't my father anymore, and it was clear that I never knew the real Charlie Swan.

After what felt like an eternity, Charlie let the crowbar fall from his fingertips. Carlisle sat limply in his chair, and if it wasn't for the rise and fall of his chest, I would have thought he was dead.

"Now her," Esme ordered. Charlie turned and looked at me and then at Esme. "It's her turn."

Nodding, Charlie reached down and picked up the crowbar. As he turned back to me, I could feel my eyes flooding with tears, feel my body trembling. "Dad, don't do this," I cried, but he ignored me as he walked across the room, stopping in front of me. "Please, Dad, don't do this."

"I wanted to love you," he said, finally lifting his eyes to mine. "I tried. I was there. I held you when you were sick, when you were crying like a baby. I was there, but you betrayed me. You fucked him. You're a goddamn whore. You're not the daughter raised."

My jaw clenched tight. "The daughter you raised? I'm exactly who you raised."

Charlie reared his arm back, swung it forward, and hit me with the bar across my leg. I screamed, one of a million that I've released since he and Esme brought us into Hell. Crossing the bar in front of his chest, he swung his arm backward, hitting me on the other leg. Then my arms, my stomach, my back, my chest. Over and over, a dozen hits, a dozen additional screams for him to stop. But he didn't. He just kept hitting me until finally he let the bar fall from his fingertips.

Charlie turned to Esme. "Finish them so we can leave."

An evil smirk tugged at the corner of her lips as she once again turned toward the table. With a silver handgun in her hand, she walked over to Carlisle, stopping when she was less than a foot away from him, and clutching the weapon between both her hands, she pulled the trigger. Once. Twice. Three times in his stomach.

"NO!" I sobbed, my knees buckling under me.

She laughed as she turned toward me. "Don't worry. You'll be joining him. Two little whores in Hell together."

And then she raised the gun once more and fired three more shots, each bullet sinking into my stomach, chest, and thigh. As I felt the darkness once again pulling me under as I hung there, bleeding and weeping, Charlie and Esme left us to die.

**So, yeah . . . Thanks for all the reviews. I'll just be hiding . . . **


	30. Chapter 30

"I shouldn't have moved out."

"Maybe not, but you can't change that."

"She needed me, and I wasn't there."

Through the shroud of darkness that weighed heavily over me, I could hear people talking, but I couldn't put a voice with a face. My eyes felt heavy, and my body hurt. Not just hurt, throbbed. The pain was excruciating, and though I felt a tear slide down the side of my face, I couldn't move my arms to wipe it away.

"Bella," someone whispered, and a moment later, I felt a hand slide over mine. "Bella, darlin', can you hear me?"

I wanted to answer them, but I couldn't seem to get my lips to part, or sounds to leave my throat.

"Darlin', open your eyes" the person murmured. "Please, come back to us."

A low cry spilled from my chest and I managed to pry my eyelids open. Jasper was sitting to the right of my bed, one hand covering mine while the other was gripping Rose's, who was standing behind him. Tears swelled in my eyes and poured down my face.

"Oh, darlin'," he whispered, releasing Rose's hand and reaching toward me, but pulled back when I flinched away from him. His eyes flew open, and he frowned. "It's okay. You're going to be okay."

I shook my head. "Not . . . okay."

"No, I guess you're not," he murmured.

My lips trembled as I spoke again. "Car. . . .Carl . . . Carlisle?" I stammered.

Jasper looked over his shoulder at Rose before turning back to me. "He, um . . ." He shook his head.

"No," I sobbed. "Please no."

"He's not dead," Rose said, quickly, and I looked at her. "He's in the ICU. He's, um, he's in a coma. And they don't know if . . . or when . . ."

Tears once again flooded my eyes. My lover, my Carlisle was tiptoeing on death's door.

"Hey, honey, you have to calm down." Jasper stood up and sat on the side of my bed, bringing his hands up to the side of my face, ignoring the way I whimpered when he touched me. "Rose, go get the doctor."

Rose nodded as she walked around my bed and out of the room. She came back a moment later with three men following her. The first, clearly the doctor seeing as he was wearing a white coat, had shortly cropped blond hair and large blue eyes. Next to him stood, who I presumed to be, two detectives. The first was a tall and thin. He had dark russet skin and shaggy jet-black hair. The other was a couple inches shorter than his partner. He had dark brown hair and eyes. All three of them were frowning, something that had me on edge.

"Hello, Miss Swan," the doctor said, softly as he stepped up to the side of my bed. His hand came up to rest on the rail, but I heard myself scream, and I tried to bring my hand up to protect myself, only to feel it weighed down by a heavy plaster cast. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Okay." I wasn't sure what else to say.

He pressed his lips together before taking a small step backward. "Can you tell me how you're feeling? Pain wise, I mean."

"Bad," I whispered.

He nodded and gestured to a chart hanging on the wall. "On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst."

"A hundred," I replied, and he almost smiled.

"Well, I'll see about doing something to help that. We don't want you to hurt," he said. "Though, seeing as you've got two broken arms, a shattered femur, two cracked ribs, and two surgical sites, we're going to have to be extremely aggressive with your pain management. You had to have your pancreas repaired, and your bowels resected due to the gunshots."

"Oh." I wasn't sure what to say.

The detective with black hair cleared his throat, causing the doctor to look over his shoulder at him and nod. He turned his attention back to me. "Miss Swan, this is Detective Clearwater and Detective Crowley. They're with the New Haven Police Department, and would like to ask you a few questions about . . . about what happened to you. Is that okay?"

I shifted my eyes from him to Jasper, who still had his hands on either side of my face. "Who is he?"

"This is Dr. Davis," Jasper responded. "He's been overseeing your care since you and Carlisle were brought in two days ago."

Tears welled up in my eyes again, and though I tried to stop them from falling, they sprinkled down my cheeks, landing on his fingers.

"We tried to get ahold of your father, Miss Swan," Dr. Davis added.

Shaking my head furiously, I began to choke as I screamed again and attempted to push myself further up in the bed. My eyes darted around the room, and I almost expected Charlie and Esme to jump out of the bathroom and kill me for good.

"Darlin', calm down," Jasper exclaimed, trying to keep me from moving.

"NO!" I screamed, thrashing against him. "Don't let them hurt me again. Please, don't let them hurt me again!"

"Who, Bella?" Jasper demanded. "Who hurt you?"

I continued to shake my head, though I felt my lips part as I sobbed. "My . . . my . . . my father. He and . . . and. . ." I shook my head, unable to say that bitches name.

Rose inhaled a sharp breath, causing everyone to look at her. "Esme, right?"

I nodded.

"Who is Esme?" Detective Crowley asked, pulling a small notebook out of his pocket.

"Carlisle Cullen's wife," Rose told him, her eyes closed. "He left her over Christmas because she had become violent. He came to New Haven with us, and I guess she found him here."

She made it sound so . . . simple. It wasn't. They no clue what that bitch had done to me, to us. I shuddered, which just caused the pain to increase. Dr. Davis seemed to notice as he reached over and fiddled with the machine measuring how much pain medication I received. When he noticed me watching him, he simply smiled. I didn't return it. I couldn't, not when every part of me — body and soul — was hurting.

"Okay, so your father, Charlie Swan, and Esme Cullen are the ones who attacked you and Carlisle Cullen?" Detective Clearwater asked, drawing my attention from Dr. Davis to him. I barely nodded. "Why?"

"Why?" I seethed. "Why? WHY?"

Jasper placed his hands back on my face. "Shh, calm down. You're going to bust your incisions open."

"He wants to know why," I cried. "Why? Why? Why? I want to know to why. I want to fucking know why!"

"I'm sorry if my question upset you, Miss Swan. I'm just trying to understand," the detective stated.

"Me, too," I cried. "I don't understand anything that happened. How they found us, why they took us, why they . . . why they . . . just couldn't let us be? I don't know the why, or the how, or anything other than the fact that they tried to kill us."

"Just tell us what happened," Detective Crowley said.

"I was . . . I was waiting for Carlisle at his apartment. We were going to go away for a couple days, but he'd . . . he'd gotten called into work, so I was waiting for him. If only we'd left that morning like we wanted to . . ."

"You and Carlisle are seeing each other?" Detective Clearwater asked.

I nodded. "For almost nine months. He, um, and his . . . he'd left her. Served her with divorce papers over Thanksgiving, but after . . . after Alice, _her_ daughter, was in an accident, Carlisle turned to Washington. Over Christmas break, I discovered that _she_ had been physically abusing him, that _she'd_ almost killed him by pushing him down the stairs. I . . . we," I said, gesturing to Jasper and Rose, "convinced him to leave her, to return to New Haven with us. _She_ would have killed him if he'd stayed, but I didn't think she'd find him here. Guess I was wrong."

"I see," Detective Clearwater said, making a note in his notebook.

"I don't care if you approve," I snarled, causing him to look over at me. "You think I'm a whore. You think deserved it. But I didn't. I didn't deserve any of it!"

"I don't think any of those, Miss Swan," he insisted.

"Yes, you do," I muttered. "Everyone does. Or will. I'll be the stupid little slut, who tore a marriage apart. I'll be the one who's blamed, who's crucified. That's why she hurt me more than him. Because everything was my fault. Because I was always the one in her way, the one that kept her from the life she wanted."

"What do you mean?" Detective Crowley asked.

My eyes closed, though I heard myself telling them everything. About my mother, about how Alice was my half-sister, how Esme blamed my birth for keeping her and Charlie from being together. And then how Charlie had whipped me, beat me, let her degrade me for being a terrible daughter, a disappointment. He thought I was the disappointment when he had me hanging from the rafters and a whip in his hand. After a fresh round of sobbing, I told them about how Charlie beat Carlisle with a crowbar for touching Esme. He didn't care that his 'best friend' had been fucking his daughter. No, the man I once called my father only cared that Carlisle had touched that bitch, that he'd fathered two children with her.

"He . . . he told her to finish us and, um," I cried. "She picked up a gun, and, um, she pointed it at Carlisle first. I couldn't . . . he couldn't. . . ." Somehow, I began to cry harder. "She . . . she shot him. I screamed for her to stop, begged for her to stop, but she just laughed. Laughed and said . . . I was next. Then she . . . she shot me, and . . . and . . . then they left."

An awkward silence filled the room. Well, expect the sound of mine and Rose's crying. I couldn't look at her, though. Her or Jasper. They were my people, and now, I felt . . . disgusting. Once more, the taste of bile trickled into my mouth, and I swallowed it back. I'd already been humiliated enough, I really didn't need to add to my embarrassment.

Detective Clearwater whistled under his breath, breaking the quiet that had filled my room. "Can you, um, can you think of where they'd go?"

I shook my head, because it was clear that I never knew the man I once called my father. He was a stranger to me. I shifted my attention to the detectives. "How long did it take help to find us?"

"I can't say for sure," Detective Crowley stated. "We got a 911 call late Friday evening that shots had been fired in the warehouse district on the south side of town. Two patrol officers found you and Carlisle about ten minutes later. They called for an ambulance, and brought you here."

"And where is here?" I asked, shifting my eyes to the doctor.

"Yale New Haven Hospital," he answered. "When they realized Carlisle works here, they . . . Well, they thought it would be easier."

"And was it?" I asked.

"No," he admitted. "One of the bullets destroyed Carlisle's spleen. We were able to remove it, but the damage . . ." he shook his head. "Another bullet hit one of his kidneys. We were able to repair the damage, but the third bullet splintered when it hit his ribs. A piece nicked the left ventricle of his heart. Luckily, we were already operating on him, but the damage . . . We won't know anything until he wakes up. If he wakes up."

"If?" I whimpered.

"On top of the gunshot wounds, he has two breaks in his left leg, his right knee cap was shattered, and his right arm was cracked in several places. Those along with the fracture to his skull when they knocked him out, make his recovery very difficult. The human body can only withstand so much trauma before it . . . Well, before it gives out."

"You're saying that he's gonna die?" I cried, feeling my chest heave as my tears ran rampant down my face.

"There's always a chance, but the longer he's unconscious . . ." Dr. Davis paused. "It just doesn't look good."

"You're wrong," I whimpered. "He's a fighter."

"I hope you're right, Miss Swan." And nodding his head in my direction, he turned and walked out of my room.

I shifted my eyes to the detectives, both of whom looked uncomfortable. "So what happens now?"

"We'll put out an APB on Charlie Swan and Esme Cullen," Detective Crowley said. "And we'll arrange for you to have twenty-four hour protection."

"And for Carlisle, too?" I asked.

Detective Clearwater nodded.

"Good. Now leave," I groused.

Though I could tell both men had more to ask me, I was done. I wanted them to leave. I wanted . . . Well, it didn't matter what I wanted, because I wouldn't get it. I was supposed to be snuggled in Carlisle's arms while we lounged in bed. I wanted him. Just him. Only him.

"Here's our cards. If you remember anything else, or need anything, please just give us a call," Detective Clearwater said, holding a card out to me. However, seeing as both my arms were in casts, I simply stared at him.

"Thank you," Jasper murmured, taking the card from him and then one from Detective Crowley.

"We'll be in touch," he said before placing his hand on his partners shoulder and nudging him toward the door.

The moment they were out of my room, Jasper tossed the cards onto the rolling table and shifted his body so that he was facing me. It was then that I realized just how pathetic I looked. Both my arms were in casts up to my shoulders, my right thigh was covered heavy bandages and a large metal device that was keeping my leg stable, and I could feel the pull of my incisions on my stomach. I looked over at Jasper. "They called you?"

He shook his head. "They called Edward . . . about Carlisle. We . . . the three of us got the first flight back."

I nodded and looked over at Rose, who had her arms wrapped around her torso still. "I'm surprised you came."

She flinched. "I'm sorry, Bella. For everything I said, for . . . for moving out. I'm so sorry."

"Not your fault," I whimpered. "I shouldn't have slapped you. I mean, you weren't wrong. Carlisle . . . he needed help. Needed to deal with . . . her, I guess. But I love him, Rose. I love him so much, and watching them and . . ." I began gasping for air.

"Shh," Jasper whispered, placing his hands on either side of my face again.

"I can't lose him now," I stammered. "I . . . can't."

"You won't," he insisted. "He's fighter, and you're a fighter. Somehow, you're both going to make it, and Rose, Edward, and I are going to be here every step of the way."

"Yeah?" I asked, sniffing back my tears. "Edward, too?"

Jasper nodded. "He's with Carlisle. Keeping watch. He's been worried about you."

My eyes closed. "Carlisle has to live, Jas. I can't lose hi, too. I won't survive being left behind again."

And as Jasper whispered once more that we'd be okay, I felt Rose's cool hand brush the hair out of my face, and I hoped like hell that he was right. But the fact remains that Carlisle was in a coma, I was beat to hell, and Charlie and Esme were still out there somewhere. When they heard that we didn't die, they'd come after us again.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Yes, I'm evil. I embrace it, I own it, I revel in it. It's a part of me that I can't seem to get rid of. Now, Mina has informed me that I've done her in, that I put her into a depression that not even Oreos or Ice Cream can handle. And for that, I am not sorry! LOL!**


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